Can you believe it!?

**Edited***
No, It is not a joke.
I am posting again.
I am not sure I should share this.....
ah, who am I kidding. I am and I will.
Okay, so a few weeks ago, we got a letter.
It was telling us another letter would be coming and it would cause a rift in a relationship. Ruin it forever.
Well, I decided then and there I would just not read it.
We would "return to sender".
Whatever was in that letter wasn't going to change anything. (we did however, write a letter in response)
I spent the next 14 or so days wallowing in self pity.
No, it was really bad. I mean "thoughts of taking too much Tylenol" kind of bad.
I couldn't and wouldn't ever. No worries.
The faces of my children suffering from my decision to end my life alone whipped me back into shape.
I didn't want to leave the house, I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to pray or read my scriptures..... I just didn't want to do anything except watch my NETFLIX obsession....McLeods Daughters. (230ish episodes of the Australian life on a Station...my dream, my heaven)
Then the letter that was "return to sender" returned to me.
As my phone died while talking to my mother, I decided to write an email to this letter writer and tell her what for. ....then..... I decided to read it.
Yes, i did. and do you know what......?
It made me soooooo MAD!!!!!!!
I am the kind of girl who says, "oh really, girls cant do .....(fill in the blank)"
I decided then and there I was not the person the letter writer thinks I am.
I am a good person...no great person!!!!
and Poo on them for thinkin' that way.
The friendship/relationship I spent years developing and trying to take care of was just slapped back in my face.
No, I am not perfect.
I have never even thought that I was perfect.
Oh well, I feel better than I have in a long time. All the doubt I was feeling is gone. I have new hope on the horizon.
I can't explain any more than that.
3 things you should know about me.....
1. I try to always think the best of people.
2. I would never make anyone feel bad about them selves no matter what.
3. Even if I did feel strongly of something about anyone, I would NEVER EVER tell them. (see 1 and 2)
So...how"s life for you guys.
I lost my glasses. and have spring cleaned my entire house looking for them.
think good thoughts.
***Edited***
I had to edit to explain something. I hope that helped. If not read the comments.

Okay

I decided to check my blog.
Mostly to see who has updated their blogs.
And I have been sitting here at least an hour. reading. being updated.
I decided I should post too.
It has been a while.
I don't even know where to begin.
Does anyone even care if I update my blog? (I know there is at least 3 out there who do)
Okay, girls camp was wonderful, I felt a little out of place. Like a first year camper.
New camp. They sing the songs wrong...er... I mean different. ALOT of people I didn't know.
The wonder that I am, was tooo shy to introduce herself.
I have been in this house just over a year and a half and I still only know 30 people in my ward.
I have a hard time letting people in.
I did fine ..okay....I did okay, when I moved to Susanville. But I had no one there.
Here, I have my sisters and mom and Aunt Kathie and cousins, my brothers too.
I don't need many friends right.
I know. I need friends. I just cant let people in.
Why would I introduce them to my falling apart life?
Okay, so the falling apart is a tad bit of an exaggeration.
I am an unorganized mess with no desire to be organized.
I have no self confidence, so severly I can't even fake it anymore.
I have to tell myself every day... "just make it through the next day....week...event..."
(just got through Harry Potter...next event is my sister Carrie's Wedding)
If I can do that, then i can fall apart.
Not that I am saying I will, I just feel like that on the inside.
Does any body understamd what I mean?
I feel like i am not making sense.
I dont wanna blog about how happy am I when I am not.
I am happy about some things, just not everything.
And why fake it? that is not me.
If I can just let one person know that she is not the only mom of six "not always behaved" but wonderful kids, a fantastic "i never deserved" hubby that works nights and overtime, too shy, not confident in her self, probably "too laid back", not organized, really funny other person know she is not alone in this world...then complaining about it here on my blog was worth it. (she doesnt even have to post....I understand)
I am ADD and I have short term memory.
So I will probably get distracted and/or forget about this blog post anyway.
See, I am funny.
I do love my kids and my husband. and I never thought I would be in love with 21 boys (all my sons and nephews). I have no better family on the planet.
No, mine is better.
I love where I live.
I am happy, but complicated.
Hey, I like that.
I am getting meds for this depression I have.
I just feel. Blah.
happy, but blah.
If you read my blog and are lost..... welcome to my brain.
I told you I was ADD.
I write how I think.
(oh, I forgot, I do love my neices too.. all 6 of them both Bigney and Scoville families)