Christmas is almost here!

Today, I almost lost my mind with the boys home all day.

I didn't not attempt to go anywhere... I was trying to stay awake.

Soooooooo tired.

Today, I made boys do chores, and watch Christmas shows on TV.

Then I made 3 kinds of Cookie dough.

Messed up and doubled an already doubled recipe.... extra chocolate cookies.

I also made dinner.

My sweet baby was very fussy. He got shots on Friday

he is a Hefty 16.2 lb... 95% in height... weight and head size.

He has been cranky and then even more cranky.

So tired..... but.....

I need to clean my room, wrap presents, call my mother in law, buy a few more groceries,

make everyone clean their room, and bake cookies.

then have Christmas.

after Christmas it is cleaning and packing up this place.

We move on Monday December 28th.

No of us is super excited.... I mean, my family out here in Rancho Cordova... I am excited to have my own place again. Everyone else is sad it is so far.

"Susanville is farther"... I gently remind them.

Looking forward to the next 3 days. Jeff has off Wednesday and Thursday but works 4am on Christmas day. He will miss the opening of presents.

I am grateful we will be here, if only to have someone other than Mom to watch them open presents.

It will be okay. He will be home at 12:30... we will get to see him part of the day. Small price to pay for getting to move back home. One Christmas out of many to come.

Sometime, some how, and somewhere in the middle of all this I will get some sleep.

Stop laughing....I said someday.

I love Christmas!

I just love it.

I am officially done with all the things I need.

Just some food items.

Jeff might go and get me something.... but not sure. (i usually shop for my self and Jeff and I decide no gifts this year)

We got the house... the rental.

We have prayed about it and it feels right.

We will move AFTER Christmas. I am so excited about!

CCPOA won their furlough lawsuit against Arnold!! (Details in the SacBee)

What a great gift for Christmas.

We should get all our money back and NO MORE FURLOUGHS!

I haven't been this happy in a long time.

I love Christmas.

Home?

We found a place. it looks promising.

Cross your fingers we get it.

Now we have to decide if we want to move before or after Christmas.

What would you do?

Christmas in your own home or moving and setting up Christmas in 5 days along with moving EVERYTHING you own.

Or.... staying here at my mom's house where it is mostly decorated.

My poor mom has been pulled too thin.

She needs to get away.

She needs a break from chaos.

She needs a break from us.

She is bah-humbugging a bit.

I wish I could fix it.

I am trying.

But she seems sad we are leaving.

Christmas Cards

I did it!!!!!!!!

I got them done.... okay, well, i got them ordered.

From Walmart.

No fancy homemade cards for me this year.

I also did Michael's Birth announcements too.

If you want one.....email me your address, because I don't have anyone address unless you are in my mom's address book, or in her stake directory.

I really need your Elizabeth.

I told Jeff today, all i want for Christmas is to be able to order them and mail them out.

I love Christmas!!!!!

home sweet home

Oh, home of mine....where are you?

I need to find you.

I love it here but I want my own place, my own tree, my own Christmas decorations, my own Christmas dinner, my own Christmas music and movies filling the house.

Is it too much to ask for?

So Santa, All I want is my own house for Christmas....and maybe a new pair of slippers.

Christmas

This Christmas we are doing something new for gifts.

Every year we spend too much and every year they get things they don't play with and every year it is a pain.

So this year, after a friend asked for some help on Facebook on what to get her kids for Christmas, one of her friends suggested this.

I loved the idea and asked Jeff. Of course he agreed.

So they get........

Something they want

Something they need

something they wear

Something the read.

That is right.... 4 gifts.

That is it.

It makes shopping easier and cheaper.

I am keeping the tradition of Christmas Eve pajama's and the stockings, but I only have to get get 4 things per child.

And I am almost done.

I have to get something to "Read" for Matthew - Percy Jackson

I have to get something to "Read" for Caleb and Sammy - not sure yet, any suggestions on books for an early reader and a 2nd grade level?

Emma needs her "Want" thing - a baby with bed that she can carry around.

And all the boys "wants" which changes every day.

Micahel is done. Well I have to get some tylenol and teething tablets and binki's and maybe a teething ring for his stocking. He will be 3 months old by then, he won't even care.

But I did get him a bed set for his crib.

I am also getting the family a big gift.

A Wii.

"Wii" are so excited. Tee hee, I had to do it. Cause we are really excited.

Everyone in the free world has a Wii and we don't! well, to the boys it seems that way.

As for other news....

We got our Verizon bill.

Matthew accrued a hefty bill not knowing every time he played a game on his phone it costs money. I need to call Verizon and see if they can help me.

Still no luck on a house. We fund 2 that would work. Kinda gross, but it would work. We prayed about t and it isn't right.

We are looking some more.

Life is good.

Thankful

We had a very wonderful Thanksgiving. We got to spend the day with Jeff's family.

They kids had a blast and I got to play scrabble with the adults (except Karin - long story) and I got to beat my father-in-law. My brother-in-law Keith won in the end.

I am very thankful for all that I have.

My mom went visiting teaching to a lady in the ward and her story of her life was filled with awful and horrible (and I mean HORRIBLE) events.

I am so grateful I have never had to experience those kinds of things.

I am grateful for my life.

My husband whom, I totally adore.

My kids whom, I equally adore.

My family, Parents, sisters, brothers, in-laws, nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles.

I have so many wonderful people in my life.

I am so grateful for my friends. Past and present. They really help me in my life.

We still have not found a house big enough for all 8 of us and for the amount monthly that we can afford.

After we find a house to rent, we get to buy a bigger car.

I am hoping all this will happen before the new year.

That is the update.

Oh, and my sister Aimee is doing better. Not great, but better.

Have I mentioned how awesome she is? well, she is awesome.

She amazes me everyday.

Jeff is home.

I can't say it is wonderful.

I mean it is good.

We are still getting used to living with each other again.

I think things will be back to normal after his job starts and we are living in our own place.

He shaved his mustache and I love/hate it. He is cute, but I miss MY Jeff's face.

I am doing good. Fighting depression is harder than it looks.

Other than that, my life is pretty darn good.

I have this urge to be creative, so don't be surprised if you get a hand made birth announcement in the mail.

If you want a Christmas card, send me your address via email. All my addresses are in my computer still in storage!

I also need one of my SU friends to send me a link to SU. i need to say hi. and i don't have my computer.

5 more days

5 more days.....

5 more days and Jeff is home for good.

5 more days and I won't have to do this parenting thing alone.

5 more days and Jeff can spend time with his newly born son.

5 more days and the boys will be in a better mood.

5 more days and Emma will be in a better mood.

5 more days and I will be in a better mood.

5 more days and we will be very busy looking for a house.

5 more days and Jeff will be home.

5 more days and I will not have to sleep alone....Michael doesn't count.

5 more days and I will be soooo happy.

5 more days....

If you ask me..

Well if you ask me I will lie.

Okay, I won't, but if you don't want to really know.... don't ask.

I am struggling.

I know most blogs are about fun and wonderful things happening in their lives.

But this is not my family blog and frankly, nothing wonderful is happening.

Except Michael... He smiled at me.

I love holding that little guy.

Even when he is crying. Don't get me wrong, I do get frustrated at the screaming and not being able to fix it.

Babies are suppose to cry. They just do. It is their only way of communication, but then the reason they are crying is because something isn't right and they need it fixed. I got lucky, he really doesn't cry that much.

And I am actually taking that time to snuggle and just love him.

I don't remember doing that with the other kids, I am sure I did but I don't remember it.

I think I am making myself really enjoy this one.

Yes, even with everything going on.

I don't really have friends. Family is all busy with their own lives.

All I have is.... boys to school. feed babies, try to clean, feed babies (Michael and Emma), boys home, feed all my babies, homework, try to get chores and homework done, make dinner, feed babies, and get them off to bed. Then try cleaning and feed baby. Go to bed...feed baby... do it all over again.

If you ask me....

I am struggling as a mother. It is hard to discipline your kids with Grandparents here at the same time. No they don't do a lot of "putting their two cents in", but i guess it is just me being insecure. I am not like my Mom in the discipline department, and I am afraid she is thinking I am doing it wrong.

I feel as if I have failed. I have not taught them the things they NEED to know. And yet, when is time for scriptures and prayers at night, I am so crazed with frustration and anger, I don't wanna. I just want them to go to bed. Yet, if they had this in their lives, they might be different.

If you ask me....

"Oh, the Joy's of raising Boys".....who ever came up with that crap is seriously disturbed.

What joy? Okay maybe a little.

And we are talking, LITTLE!

They are messy, and gross, and loud and ....oh man, I could go on and on, or just insert a previous post, You all know how I feel.

I LOVE my boys, but liking them is different.

So many other factors they don't talk about with raising boys... is girls.

I mean they tell you boys like girls, but....

I am just so glad Jeff will be home soon. Jeff can talk to the boys about girls.

*deep sigh*

If you ask me....

Have I ever told you I hate calling people on the phone?

Nothing personal. I am mostly just a goober. and I sound like an idiot. (no laughing)

It took me a while to be able to talk to my best friend in Utah.

Now I have to call all these places to ask if we can see/rent a house.

It stresses me out to the point of anxiety.

The pressure from my mom has started.

Jeff called on the house we saw yesterday. ( too small of a kitchen, and too much $ for being backed up to the freeway)

I know I have to get up the nerve, and honestly (remember i don't lie), every time, I get up the nerve, something happens.

If you ask me...

I am a mess.

And If I really let it all out, you would be calling a doctor to have be committed.

No... it really just feels like it is bad...my "mess" is really just self doubt.

If you ask me... the only cure for my "mess" is a couple of good long naps, in my own bed, next to my husband, while my kids read scriptures to each other and do their chores without asking.

If you ask me.... I will probably lie.

I am just fine.

Help

I need to find a place to live.

If you find yourself bored and sitting on the computer. help me find a place to live.

Elk Grove and Natomas is too far.

Orangevale is okay.

Need a 4 bedroom 2 bath house.

with at least 1500 and the very least.

okay, get to work.

Yes, I have been looking for days.

and I am worried about my credit.

Our credit.

If we can' t by a house because of credit, who is gonna rent us one.

Okay, think good thoughts and say a few prayers.

Fatty

Okay, I have NEVER claimed to be something divine or beautiful.

I KNOW i am a fat girl.

Am I happy about it?

Not only no, but heck no.

Do I do anything about it?

No.

why you ask?

I AM SO TIRED!

yes, I know, exercise does give you energy...eventually.

But until you hit that "regular basis-everyday crap...er... i mean routine", I am toooooo tired.

I may, if lucky, get 4 hours of sleep at night.

not enough to get me even motivated.

another things is, yes, I am breast-feeding.

Most women lose weight when the breast-feed their babies.

I DO NOT!

I mostly gain weight.

I crave food while I am nursing and I am hungry all the time.

I am stressed so I eat crap.

I am hoping once my new meds kick in it will curb my appetite.

but watch, with me, it will be bazaar and very rare and I will gain even more weight and really look like a giant cow.

I am trying to be positive...okay, not really, but I am trying not to be too depressed when I go to church and EVERYONE is cute, young and beautiful.

They, on top of that, are REALLY nice, too.

okay, rant over.

Hopefully Jeff will be approved for the time off and he will be here before Thanksgiving and not have to go back.

I wish I could go meet him somewhere and stay with him and say good bye to everyone.

See Susanville one more time. I dunno how I could do it.

The boys want to play in the snow, maybe we will take a trip up and see it and say hi!

okay, back to my duties.

sit on my fat butt, and eat my fat food, and just be fat.

And to deal with my severely A.D.D child who did not take his afternoon meds and is about mentally 5 years old.

That is no joke.

He makes me crazy.

Fat crazy.

*deep sigh*

what can I say....

I am busy.

I am tired.

I am tired of being busy.

Kids are sick.

Kids are crying.

I am tired of kids being sick and crying.

Lots of stress.

Lots of worry.

I am tired of being stressed and worrying.

Money is tight.

Money is not enough.

I am tired of money being tight and not having enough.

Missing Jeff.

Needing Jeff.

I am tired of missing and needing Jeff.

That pretty much sums up my life.

The best part of my day is Matthew, Nathan, Caleb, Sammy, Emma, and Michael.

Responsibility

(here I go complaining again)

Responsibility.

I hate that word.

It is exhausting.

I have so much of it, it gives me anxiety.

Right now I am in charge of 6 kids, the bills, the groceries, the laundry, the chores, homework, finding a place to live and keeping everyone happy.

Finding a place to live and being a singe parent is the hardest part so far.

I am so tired too.

We are trying to decide if we should buy or rent.

Or course buying would be smarter.

But lets face it, we didn't know much about credit when we got ours way back when and we really screwed it up before we realized the impact.

It is better, but getting a home loan is questionable.

Maybe I shouldn't tell you. Maybe I should just keep it to myself.

But honestly, what am I ashamed of?

Making some bad decisions years ago?

It happens.

Can't go back and change it.

It is what it is.

I keep sighing.... deep and long.

My mind is constantly worried about the boys bother my mom and dad. The house not being as clean as mom likes it. The boys and school work. How dad not being here is effecting them.

Saving enough money, while trying to feed and clothe my kids. (so much is in storage and not easy to get too.)

I can't even describe how exhausted I am.

Looking forward to the day I have less responsibility....

okay, so that will never happen, so can I look forward to my own place?

I feel terrible.

I made a comment on Facebook (it has been deleted) about my brother being here a year and that maybe my mom liked him better.

He was hurt by the comment and I am sooooo regretting it. It was just a joke.

And the fact is, never should have said it.

I am just a brat. I have no other excuse except that being a brat is the only thing I am good at. All unintentional.

I just didn't think it would be hurtful.

Sorry Jeremy.

Apart

I know i said I would post. (sometimes I wonder if anyone reads this nonsense)

But Jeff has been here and I don't want to spend my time blogging and not being with him.

The week he has been here has flown by.

It has been interesting.

Have any of you been apart from your husband for more than 2 1/2 weeks?

It is not a good thing.

It is very hard to get back into the "groove" of each other again.

Meaning, I have a way of doing things and he hasn't had to worry about anyone but himself.

(i have always told it how it is)

Fighting? Yes, lots.

But it isn't easy being apart. Money and kids are always an issue, being apart is harder.

So not much to blog about.

He goes back Thursday and I won't SEE him until Thanksgiving.

This will be hard.

I missed my 6 week check up... sad I know. (going Friday)

I have noticed some post-partum depression.

I have always been hard on myself and depressed. it comes and goes, but this time, with my life the way it is, it is worse.

Not anything like Brooke Shields, but it is not good.

I have gotten a lot of family telling me medication might be a good thing.

Considering all that is going on, my kids really deserve a well functioning mother.

I am asking my doctor Friday for medication.

Hopefully it will help.

Boys are not doing well in school. They are great boys.

Helpful.

You have no idea how helpful, how awesome they really are.

I might cry from sheer pride.

Emma is perfection. Needs to potty train and get off the bottle. I am not ready, plus I am too tired to deal with it.

Michael is at that age where he just cries. He is so big he is 6 weeks old and is wearing 3 month to 6 month size clothes.

I just want to cry, but I am too tired.

It has been a long 10 weeks that we have been here.

I think I deserve to be tired and a little depressed.

10 weeks.

I can't believe we have been here 10 weeks.

side note: I got your card Elizabeth, Thank you. Cheered me up. Funny thing, that same day, I was looking at Halloween cards and I almost bought you one. Remember those days. Some of my favorite days.

This post was edited for spelling errors and forgotten information.

Halloween

... was great!

I was a big fat witch... so the costume was not hard to put together.

I will post pictures later.

Just so busy.

My Birthday

My birthday was very nice.

Jeff was here.

It started out with sleeping in until 8:30.

Then I got breakfast in bed.

Then being lazy until I met my mom at the Deseret Book store for a few books from my favorite author.

Then to lunch with mom to Leatherby's. (the best ice cream parlor in Sacramento)

Back home to meet Jeff to go to an IEP meeting at school for Nathan, my 6th grader. (it wasn't good news)

Then back home for homework and chores.

I fell asleep feeding baby so I kinda got a nap. (I say kinda because the boys have never seen me take a nap so the interrupted me a lot.)

Jeff took me out to eat, which I had to remind him to, at the Golden Corral buffet.

It was way over priced and not very good. (extra for drinks)

Then back home for cake and cards from the boys and the best chocolate kisses from Emma.

Put the boys to bed and hung out with Jeff.

It was a very nice birthday.

Today was suppose to be errands (my drivers license expired) with Jeff and then lunch with my Aunt....well, I couldn't get someone motivated to go anywhere, so tomorrow we will do it all.

I hate wasting a day.

I am hoping tomorrow when I renew my drivers license I will not have to take a test. I will totally fail and that will be bad.

Not blogging

I have turned into not much of a blogger.

Just too many things i want to say, but can't.

My life is nothing I thought it would be 6 months ago.

But, just an update.

My brother Shane and his wife had their baby boy.

After a few extra days due to breathing issues and a tad bit of jaundice all is well and home.

His name is Cannon Carisle Scoville. He is very cute.

My mom mentioned that after Halloween, she has nothing going on.

Except for help me find a place to live.

My sister Aimee is doing better. Still in pain, (they said it will be months, like 6 to 8, before she is back to feeling normal, and a month of horrible pain still).

I really need to buckle down and actually look for a place to live.

Wow, rentals here in Sac are expensive. But utilities and medical insurance are more the half of what it was in Susanville, so it should even out. but... (except water. That just went up.)

Not sure where we want to go yet. want to wait until after this school semester for the boys. Move during winter break in case it is out of the school they are now.

I guess we will see.

I read other blogs and everyone has regular stuff going on and they are getting things canned and stored and I am still, just in limbo.

Will it ever end?

We had to post pone the blessing of Michael because of issues with scheduling time off work with Jeff. It all boils down to one word on a form he turned in months ago for time off.

Because he didn't express enough, that he REALLY did needed to be their for MICHAEL after he was born.

Duh, I had surgery, I could barely carry him around.

So, cross your fingers and toes it all goes well. We have until 28th to figure it out or it is really bad.

I am so tired.

I can't think straight.

Wonder why.... oh yeah, Michael.

He is so worth it though.

Life goes on.

Amazing

Go to this blog. Go there first and read it.

This is my sister.

She amazes me.

I will NEVER be as awesome, or great, or brave, or strong, or wonderful as her.

I try not to complain, really I do, (but this is my place to complain).

I will try harder now.

What KILLS me, is that I couldn't help her.

I couldn't take care of kids, go and sit with her, or hold her hand as she lay in agony.

I moved all this way back home, gave up a happy life in a funny little small town, (which I secretly adored) to be with my family, to help them when they were in need and I couldn't do it.

It makes me cry.

Every time my mom would call, or come into the room saying that she had to go back to the hospital, I asked why?

Why her?

Why Aimee?

She, of all people, should not be forced to endure any more physical pain in her life.

She is awesome, amazing.

I am grateful she is on the mend.

I am lucky to be related to her.

Aimee, I love you.

You are amazing.

Update - 10/18/09

All is swell.

okay, so I will update in great detail later. ( You know you want to know)

Busy, but good.

Update

Really quick.

Baby is sleeping and so is everyone else.

I need to sleep when they are all sleeping.

Sister's baby is adorable.

Annabella Violet Blue Bennion (mouthful know but no other name fits her)

My dad's birthday was last night.

He spent most of the weekend putting up the Halloween decorations.

Getting ready for Halloween takes weeks. I will post pictures and show you as soon as I can.

I am suffering with a lot of pain.

It is like a tearing or burning in the incision area.

Not a surface pain. All internal.

No, I am not going to the doctors. I don't want to go alone, and my mom is too busy with other members of my family who need her more. I will go if it gets worse.

I took 3 200 mg Motrin and a Vicodin and it didn't touch it.

I went to bed, and the pain is almost gone this morning.

I did too much today. (running a house with 6 kids is really hard) and so now the pain is back, but not as bad. I just took some Motrin.

Hopefully I will get some more rest.

I am afraid of driving in the rain. I am still recovering and nervous anyway, now with rain?

really bad rain?

Might reschedule Michael Dr. appointment.

Jeff is freezing in Susanville. Poor thing. He is getting overtime, which is good. I miss him so much.

The boys are getting better and behaving better at grandma's house, but still adjusting. Now they have to get used to Dad, being gone.

I hate this.

Emma will be a pill for 13 more days. Then she will be so made at Jeff for being gone, she will be even worse.

I hope I never have to do this again.

This is way harder than I thought it would be.

My sister Aimee is still in pain, and recovery will take months. She is home and fairly high on pain meds. (just kidding)

Now we are waiting for my brothers Shane's wife Jami will have her baby.

Any day now!

What will they call him? e are running out of boys names in this family. This little one will be boy number 18.

Any ideas?

Babies!

My sister Carrie is at labor and delivery right now.

This means another grand-baby to add to the bunch.

But this time it is a girl.

And that is very rare.

Total Score: boys 18 girls 4

And one more on the way due in March. (sister Sarah)

Frogs and Snails and puppy dog tails...

My poor sweet baby.

He was circumcised today.

I decided to stay in the room.

Big mistake.

I cried.

He was strapped down.

The nurse had sugar water for him to suck on while the doctor did the procedure.

The doctor described what he was doing and why.

It looks terrible now, but I know it will get better.

But poor baby.

Every time he pees he screams.

The doctor said tylenol is okay.

I kinda think it was harder on Jeff than me or Michael.

He didn't say much until after.

Poor babies.

We got Kaiser back.

Now for those of you who are not from around Sacramento, Kaiser is a HMO.

Yes, I am thrilled.

After having both, PPO and HMO, I am happy to go back to a HMO.

The medical bills just from having Emma are still haunting us. All $2400 of it.

Sammy's "middle finger in the sliding glass door" too. All $800 of that.

Yes, all of that after insurance.

Kaiser will have it's own challenges, but we have it both ways and as far as medical personal... they are pretty much the same.

We lucked out with Michael's "circ" (they called it that at the doctors today)... Medical would not cover it and it was going to be $250.

Which we don't have to spend.

On a very sad note....

My sister Aimee is back in the hospital.

Please pray for her.

Her lung collapsed again.

They put in another chest tube and it didn't work.

She says it fells like flopping. Like her lung is flopping back and forth in her chest.

NOT GOOD!

Options are slim to none as what to do next.

It kills me to be here and not be over helping.

I mean, I live in town now!

Isn't this what I have complained about for 4 years!?

Being with family and helping them when they need help!?

I know it will happen, but it is really hard to sit here and do nothing... well you know what I mean.

I have no new pictures of my new boyfriend Michael... I don't know how to load them into my dad's computer.

And my dad is going to be out of town for the next few weeks ... off and on.

I will try to see if he can load some more the next time I see him.

Will life ever slow down?

Life has been so fast paced lately.

I am still waiting to take a nap.

I mean, I gave birth.

Don't I deserve a nap?

I am kidding....kinda.

I am a mother of six. (That really voids any nap privileges.)

That is so weird to say let alone type.

SIX KIDS!

6 kids before I am 36.

What was I thinking?

Another joke....kinda.

You know what I mean.

Good (sorta)

I am in love.

With the cutest little man ever. (and Jeff, he is amazing)

Super tired. (wonder why)

Life getting back to normal. (almost)

Hospital drugs and swelling almost gone. (my ring is back on my finger)

Feeling almost human, but more like a cow. (nursing)

Counting the days until Jeff is gone. (7 days).

Boys on another horrible mood thing. (The change of the new baby and less of mom's attention.)

Bills paid, not much left. (How will I ever save money to move out? Too many bills, almost caught up.)

life is just busy.

Good, crazy, emotionally hard, but good.

Perfect!

The doctor says Micheal is perfect.

But I knew that.

Today Michael...(man, still getting used to that name)... he had is 1st doctors appointment.

Funny thing, I, a scrapbooker, took my camera, but never took a picture of Michael. Just Emma posing like a model. Sooooooo cute!

Anyway, the doctor says he is perfect.

It is always relief to hear a professional say so.

Now if only I can keep him that way.

Emma is so fun.

Not really.

She wants to play with Michael like a dolly.

I am trying really hard to spread the love.

I have done it before. A few times even.

When Emma was born, Sammy was 4 and didn't need that extra love from mom.

Emma, man what a princess. (another reason, wanted 2 girls instead of another boy)

She is spoiled, VERY 2 years old, and very, very good at it.

I know that if when had Michael before Emma we never would have had Emma. We would have stopped at 5 boys.

Sooo very glad we didn't. I wouldn't have Michael.

Life is crazy.

Dreading the day when Jeff returns home to Susanville to work.

My mom is busy with her life, and I will be alone. Practically.

Boys are doing well.

I am having back issues.

But all in all, my life is pretty perfect.

Well, at least one thing is.

Wow, what a day.

We were on time for my appointment.

Well, ten minutes early...but registering took a longer than planned.

Up to labor and delivery, get in the bed, and they tried to hook me up to IV and draw blood, get me ready for the spinal.

My veins would not cooperate.

So we were 30 minutes late for the surgery.

Lots of scar tissue to cut through, but he was born at 12:55.

Yes I cried. I tried not to ball my eyes out, they were putting me back together.

He is everything I never knew I always wanted.

Michael Albert Bigney

(Albert is Jeff's Middle name)

He looks just like Sammy did when he was born, but with dark hair.

I noticed he has no eyebrows. Well, so fair that that tells me he will be blond.

Nathan had black hair when he was born and he is a dirty blond.

He screamed and screamed. He wasn't even all the way out yet and he was crying.

He was instantly hungry as soon as he heard my voice.

I was in recovery when I got to hold him and he stopped crying and opened his mouth ready to eat. (Emma did the same thing)

It was so overwhelming yet, perfect bliss.

He was perfect and healthy and a good

8 lbs 4 oz. 19 1/2 inches long

I was in a recovery room for 3 hours. (or so)

The hospital is so over booked there aren't enough rooms.

I finally got into a room, which I was not happy that I had to share.

They were loud at first and I was so tired, I just started to cry.

All the worrying and wonder and sleepless nights uncomfortable all came down and I was exhausted.

He was a good eater and he ate a lot. He wanted real stuff and my milk had not come in yet.

The next day after lunch they snuck me into my own room. I am suppose to be in my own room, because of the surgery, but they had nothing for me until Friday.

That was easier.

Kinda.

I cry a lot after I have a baby.

I just do.

All the emotions are all built up and then I look at him and panic sets in.

I have never been one to hold back my feelings, why start now.

yes, I panicked.

What was I thinking? I love this beautiful creature, but can I take care of him?

Can I keep him from danger?

How will I survive if anything happens to him?

Can I do this?

Now these questions having been going through my mind at every birth of each one of my babies.

And I sob for weeks trying to sort out my feelings.

Would I do this all over?

You bet I would.

I do not regret having any of my kids.

I am so scared of messing up or not doing this right I panic.

Plus, I have hormones and sleepless nights and exhaustion making me feel this way.

I have always been a worrier, it is 100 times worse when I have a baby.

It will slowing dissipate as time goes by.

Soon it will be a week and I will sigh with relief I made it a week.

Then a month, then 6 months and then a year and then I will ache for another baby. (no, we are done)

I do have drugs to blame.

They pump me with all these pain meds, and I understand why, I mean they cut me open.

Pulled and pulled and my skin just to take the baby out.

It will hurt after the spinal they gave me wears off.

and It did.

Jeff gave me a blessing Wednesday night, and it said I would be okay and that I would heal fast.

And I have.

I can not believe what I am doing now, that I never could do after I had Emma.

I had my usually shaking issue. I get so cold I shake for 5 to ten minutes. But I am not cold. I believe it is with drawls.... or something from having a baby.

Jeff has had to cover me with his body and kind of hold me down. I shake really bad.

I can not control it.

This time it was fast. It woke me up in the middle of the night. Jeff just covered me with a blanket. I was holding Michael at the time.

It shouldn't happen again.

I know so weird.

Today I feel better mentally, I have had some good sleep.

But physically, I feel off.

Totally weird.

I am planning on taking a shower and resting. we will see.

My milk is finally in and little Michael is extremely pleased.

I am counting the days until Jeff returns to Susanville.

He will only be able to come back every 2 weeks.

He was not approved for the hardship transfer.

We didn't think it would happen, but we had to try.

So I get to do all this alone.

My mom will be here yes, but my sister is still hurting from her surgery and my other sister and my sister-in-law will and can deliver their babies any day.

She has to work and help my siblings so i understand I will be doing this mostly alone.

It makes me cry even now. and Now panic has set in.

Lots of prayers will be said and faith will be my closest companion.

I know with all my heart we were suppose to do all of this , this way, but it is so very hard.

Michael is snugging with daddy, Emma is begging for me and know as soon as I rest Michael will want me again.

A few more pictures of Michael Albert.

Nothin' New

Nope, just me.... about to complain.

So if you don't wanna hear it....don't read anymore.

I am so tired of being in pain.

I am so tired.

I am so tired of boys yelling and stressing out my mom and dad.

I am so tired of boys.

I am so tired of fat ugly swollen feet.

I am so tired of feeling fat.

I am so tired of people treating me like just a fat lady.

I am so tired of the going up and down the stairs.

I am so tired of stairs.

Okay, vent over....maybe....

I am missing Jeff fiercely.

I am wondering how we will do this after the baby comes.

He is gonna miss so much.

The first month they change so much.

Jeff is only staying for about 10 days after baby comes.

I feel bad for Jeff and totally questioning our decision to move.

We found out just last week from the new doctor that, my case wasn't as serious as they thought. I don't have pre-eclampsia, well as bad as they thought.

I do have protein in my urine, but the levels are not dangerously high levels, just close enough to start to worry. And the blood pressure medication they gave me worked more then they thought.

So mad about that.

Mostly because the doctor we got when we got her never bothered to tell us that.

Jeff didn't have to waste $90 on gas to come all the way up here every weekend.

We didn't have to uproot our whole family and could have waited until December to move to Sacramento.

We freaked out for nothing.

Unfortunately for me, the idea I had to "bed rest", was just a fantasy.

My mom has been so busy with other sisters and her calling in the church to help as much as I thought.

Which is fine. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all her help that she has been able to do. I understand, and since I am not as bad off as we thought, it all works out.

I just wish I was at my house, being lazy and super pregnant.

I wish I had my own space to yell at my kids f I need to.

I wish I had my dishes and house to ignore until Jeff got home to help.

I miss my own space.

I love my mom and think she is amazing.

I will NEVER be as great as she is.

She is like Mary Poppin's....Practically perfect in every way.

Now if you made it to the bottom of this post, either you were really bored to read as I whined about my not so horrible life, or you...nah, you must have been REALLY bored.

I never said I was perfect.

I have flaws.

But you knew that.

Due date!

My calculations were that I would be due September 23rd.

The first ultrasound they measured the size of the baby, (which I need to add, she had never used the machine but a few times, and really didn't know what she was doing, that is what she told me)...

Their due date is October 5th.

The size the baby is measuring now and has been measuring all along has been the same as my calculations...September 24th.

Well, after many doctors and appointments and explaining this whole thing to everyone, we finally have a birth date!

September 24th.

Noon.

We had to compromise. No tubes will be tied. (you haven't seen the misery I am in)

It is a Catholic Hospital and they had to approve it. It isn't within the 30 period from when I signed the papers for the tubal.

They approved it but, it just isn't within the 30 days. No budging.

So we are waiting on the tubes being tied.

I just can't be pregnant anymore.

I can't stand the pain and misery any longer.

YOU HAVENT SEEN MY FEET!

I can wait 7 more days, yes.

Anything after that, I might just have to really hurt someone.

I am so very excited.

One week from today....

One week from exactly right now I will be kissing my sweet baby's face.

I wonder who he will look like more.

Done

I am so done being pregnant.

I want this moving little creature out of my body.

Well, at the end of the day when I switch from, my mom's guest bed to my recliner/rocker chair I do REALLY wish it could be my last day being pregnant.

I can't sleep.

I am uncomfortable. My feet are ridiculously swollen. (I have freakishly skinny feet most days).

So I am so tired during the day and cranky and miserable.

As I watching the "Baby Story" and "Deliver Me" shows on TV, it gets worse.

I WANT MY BABY!

I want to hold him. And kiss him, and see what he looks like.

I want to use those cute clothes I bought and was given.

Blue is not my favorite color, but I can't wait to use all that blue!

And as I talked with my mom last night I realized.....

Maybe elephants have it right... 2 years gestation.

As soon as this baby comes out, my freedom to do things I want are lost for long time.

Do I really want the screaming, and the constant diapers, and crying, and exhaustion?

Part of me said no way, (too late now, I know)... but the other part of me said.... yes.

My mind went back to the sweet face I want to see.

My mind went back to the sweet faces who also came from me.

All 5 of those faces were worth all the screaming and crying, and diapers and long , long nights.

So bring it on.

Gimme my baby.

The time is now.

The bun in this oven is cooked.

The timer has gone off.

Stick a big ol' fork in me I am done.

Well give me until friday.

My mom prefers the weekend. It will be easier with the kids.

Love at home

Well, that is an understatement.

I am kidding.

It hasn't been easy living here.

Not bad.

And I have to remember I am very hormonal.

And sensitive.

My parents have been more than amazing.

We have communication issues that have to be used.

We have lived separate lives for so long and always trying to be polite or sensitive about ones feelings, that when we really need to talk about something, we don't.

We are working on it.

I have to let things go and not make a big deal about things my dad does or says.

I have to try harder around the house and to clean, which is really hard when bending over is an issue.

Dinner, I need to be in charge of it, since there are more of us than them. (which is easier than it looks, mom doesn't like all the stuff that I make.)

Dishes...is something I am more then willing to do, but don't get to it as fast as mom likes.

Yelling at the boys. ....well it has always been a vice of mine. I am working on it.

They are loud and boys and it is really hard to be patient with some of the stupid things that do.... like I said I am trying.

Other than that all is swell.

I hate my doctor and am trying to switch to a new one.

Almost ready for baby.

I need a few more big, but not so big things.

Bouncer

Diaper bag

nursing bras

and a few little items.

I made a list.

I wonder where it is.

Around here, you never know where it has gone.

Living at home with all my kids is not anything like it was when I was growing up.

Way harder and not as much fun.

My so called life

Okay, lots to type.

I might have to go and do dinner, read with boys and come back later.

So much to tell you.

My dad works for the state of CA too. He has to sit by his computer for a week for work. It is called "duty". He is the guy most of state agencies of California call if their radio or something goes out. He is the guy that wakes up a tech guy in the middle of the night to go an fix it.

A straight week.

Home all day. Boys have to be quiet.

Not fun for ANYONE!

So it started last Wednesday. The day after my sister went in for her lung collapsing.

Friday is when my life got really fun.

My sister Aimee went back to the ER. Emergency lung surgery.

Long story short. They had to cut off the top of her lung, it had some kind of blisters, (i forget the medical term for it). Basically, her lung has been slowly collapsing since last November. Which will explain the pain in her shoulder and back.

She is the strongest person I know.

Man, she is a trooper. She is home now, but I was pretty close to marching my self, swollen feet and all to the hospital to give 2 nurses their a piece of my mind. Another long story.

My mom yelled at them good and reported them for the conduct.

So while she was getting checked and prepped for surgery, we had all four of her boys.

A total of 8 boys.

With my dad on "Duty".

My sister Sarah came over to help with her 2 boys.

10 boys.

Loud< class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">hospital, and me supposedly on bed rest

Ha very funny. Like I could lay around with my sister in worse condition.

We made it through that night and on to Saturday.

That is when she had the night from Hell with the nurses who basically ignored her and her pleas of pain and suffering.

My other sister came over.

Then my Aunt and her granddaughter.

We had ... seriously ....12 boys, 8 adults, 3 girls, 3 dogs and 34 grilled cheese sandwiches. I believe it was 10 package of top ramen too.

My mom was trying to hold it in for all she could, she was worried about my ever swelling feet, my sister (most of all), getting some of her church calling done, my sisters boys another night (mostly how they were handling it with mommy and not really knowing what was going on).

I was sure she would have a nervous break down.

Everyone went home, house was clean and quiet, and I wanted to cry. I could barely help.

Sunday mom took the boys back home and then she stayed with my sister at the hospital so my brother in law could take care of his boys.

I made dinner, cleaned up the house and tried not to cry.

I was so tired.

I didn't even have a chance to get used to living her in Sacramento when all the craziness happened.

My feet are freakishly skinny. I say freakishly because the rest of my body, even when not pregnant, is not skinny.

At all.

Think cow. Moo.

So my feet heavy with water, like 5 lbs each. My mom has stairs. I am worried over my sister.

Jeff. money. the boys living and adjusting to grandma's house and grumpy grandpa, another new school, the baby and Jeff being gone.

I was mental and completely exhausted.

Still I had to endure.

I wondered why I even came to Sacramento.

I doubted our answered prayers. (only for a second)

then I was gently reminded (by a still small voice), that it was right.

Our original plan was to move Labor day weekend.

The weekend my sister was having surgery.

can you imagine the chaos if we had waited?

My mother would have gone insane.

If we had waited one week after Labor day weekend, we would not have come at all.

I would not have been able to move 3 weeks before my due date. I would have just said no. I would not have been able to find a doctor in Sacramento to take a 37 week high risk pregnant woman and give her a c-section too.

I know there is a reason we are here.

My life has not been in my plans since....well forever, but nothing i have wanted to happen this year in my way, has happened.

Today I got a root canal.

On top of all that was happening last week, i lost a filling and it has been torture all weekend.

With my Non-stress tests and doctors appointments, peeing in a 'hat" and pouring it into a jug for 24 hours, (not fun by the way) blood tests, the city driving, the rude people, totally different life style then my small town life.

With it all... I am okay.

if I can do this, I can do anything.

Bonus, boys are back in school, jeff is here for a few days, I see the doc on friday and maybe we will know what will happen with baby, tooth is better....things are okay.

Not great.

I have been here for 3 weeks and I still have not seen my sister Aimee.

Now the best part of having a baby.

prepping or nesting.

Washing the clothes, and buying all the little things.

I am sooooo excited to see this little guy.

I have picked his name, but no one but my mom knows.

I miss ALL of my Susanville friends like crazy.

I am probably not missed at all.

So now that dad is off "duty" I will be able to sit at the computer more often and bore you with...my so called life.

Sorry, it's so boring.

When it rains it pours

Man..... i wish I had something positive to say.

People are going to stop reading my blog .

It started out okay.

I mean this week.

Uneventful and crazy.

Well, it just was. People in and out...it is only Tuesday.

This morning I got everyone started on getting ready early.

We were out the door, fully dressed, fed and Miss Emma's hair done.

Yay!

I was almost to my sisters house. She was gonna watch the kids while I went to my bi-weekly Non-Stress test at the hospital.

That is when the day just went bad.

My mom called me and told me my sisters lung collapsed and she is being rushed to the ER. (I found out later that she really drove herself)

She couldn't watch the kids.

No biggie, my other sister was gonna. Over there we went. I had to get my blood pressure checked so I had to go the the NST.

I waited 20 minutes before they got me a bed.

Then I sat for 2 hours on one side, my hips were killing me. Ready to cry and so hungry. I finally ask if I can flip over.

They were trying to get a good "baseline" which means ... they need to find the regular heart rate of the baby. so the can measure where the irregular heat beats are if he has any.

He was being difficult.

I left starving and trying not to cry.

My brakes are grinding so loud I am afraid to drive. Get food.

I get the kids, get gas, and back home. the whole day was so exhausting, I practically pass out on the couch.

Thank goodness for my other sister....I have 3.

I love being home.

She came by after work and cooked dinner.

My mom was busy helping my sister in the hospital and then at her own doctors appointment. (another thing we all stressed over, but everything is fine)

Thank goodness for my sister. She got dinner going.

Now remember, they aren't letting me do much around here but fold clothes, my lunches and basically hold down the couch.

So for me to drive clear across town and do all these things, wore me out. I am not used to it.

Because I was at the hospital for 4 hours I missed lunch.

I love being in town.

Anyway, long story short...it was a very long day, of doctors and broken people.

Well, a lot of family I knew went to a doctor or is suffering.

My dad and 2 oldest boys are going to Susanville with my brother in law and his brother with 2 trucks and 2 trailers to get the rest of our crap...I mean stuff... to bring back to put in storage. Jeff is gonna drive his 4-runner home, (hopefully it will make it home.)

Sooooooo excited to see Jeff tomorrow. I haven't seen him since early Saturday morning.

It will be a short trip.

But he will be back next Monday night. He will drive back my Dad's better working 4-runner and use it to travel back and forth until the hardship transfer comes through or December when he finally does transfer home.

It is really weird to be here. It is like we are visiting, but then you really think about it and I am really home.

Did I mention that I REALLY miss Susanville?

Well I do.

And mostly the people that are there.

I may have a gymnast in my tummy. This kid will not give me a break.

Maybe he is telling me to go lay down, before my already swollen feet explode.

Moving...again

man, oh man.

Well, get my mom going and she will take over everything... just kidding mom.

No seriously, she got an idea in her head. We decided it would be very dumb for Jeff to spend $1000 a month for him to stay in that house alone.

We are packing up...okay, Jeff is packing up the house today, tomorrow on Monday, and bringing it down on Wednesday.

We borrowed my brother's truck and trailer. Jeff and my Dad (with Nathan, he was bored) took the truck and trailer up to Susanville to bring down the bunk beds, baby stuff, crib, dressers and anything that would be helpful for us to really live in the house.

We have to save up for another rental here in Sacramento, and I doubt my Mom really wants us out anytime soon. She might change her mind after a week or so.Since I have been officially put on bed rest by the doctor we found here in Sacramento, she might be ready to kick us out in a week or two.

Well as soon as life slows down and the moving is all done and moved.

Wednesday Jeff will have another load, hopefully the rest of our stuff, will be put into a storage unit.I am excited to see him so soon.

Our only problem is where will Jeff go after everything is out of the house?

We have a few ideas.

But he officially is out on the 6th.

My mind is reeling. I can't even really describe how this feels.

I miss home, I miss Susanville, I love being here.

I am worried about money.

I am worried about Jeff.

I am worried about....

Okay, I started this a few days ago... and I am just getting back to this. so many thing have happened.

My brothers truck got a flat tired. There was not jack or anything for them to change the tire. Then the AAA guy who came out to help couldn't get the tire down to change the tire. Something was broken, or messed up.

Then my dad's friend Travis came to the rescue and helped them out.

Back at home the quickly with out a woman's logical-ness loaded the truck and trailer.

Jeff's dad was there and loaded his truck too.

Did mention the trailers tires are bald.

They made it back in time for the stressed out day of the century.

A few ...lets just say, we didn't all get along, the stress of the situation, and miscommunication led to a very long day with me crying and feeling very guilty.

(I can't help it. if I hurt your feelings , always unintentional, then I thing and about it and wallow in it for weeks, months, even years)

So, now we are trying to get this place organized.

My brother Jeremy is awesome. He was living here...kinda, he had his stuff here, but spent most of his time with his girlfriend... probably paying kissy face...so gross.

Anyway, he moved all his stuff out of the big room, so I could move my stuff from Susanville into it. He rocks and I don't deserve him as a big brother.

We got all the boys some what settled into other rooms. We need to get the settled before another big change happens. School starting.

I didn't make a big deal about it before because we were moving again.

My poor boys.

Nathan went up with my dad and Jeff and he worked his butt off. He deserves something special. Grandpa Bigney gave $5 for all his hard work.

I HAVE THE BEST FAMILY!

I wonder how I will ever repay them.

Seriously, everyone has stepped up to help.

I truly love my family.

I am so glad I am home now. I will be able to repay them some day....some how.

Now I have to wash the dirty laundry that never was washed before we left Susanville. And stuff that was left in the washer, and the boys rooms, and stuff that has be made living here.

It is a perfect sit down and rest thing to do.

We found a doctor and have already gotten me set up with a place to have the baby and all is swell.

My blood pressure is being regulated by my medication, but my feet are still swollen (think little pink piggies) and I have the beginnings of Pre-Eclampsia.

Which will not get better just worse. We are hoping the meds will keep it at bay and pregnant a few more weeks.

So the drama.

You can call me at my parents house or on my cell phone. Email me for my parents number.

I miss my Susanville friends a lot. I miss the town and the simple life.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Sitting at watching everyone do everything.

Parenting and taking care of my kids. Cleaning up after them. Paying for things, shopping for me. Deciding things that concern me and my family.

It is very hard. I know that staying pregnant and keeping the wonderful baby boy inside me just a bit long is my one and only job.

My mom and dad are at work, so I am doing more. Not too much, I am not dumb.

Basically, I am bossing the boys around and making them work.

Wish me luck. with all the changes they aren't responding well.

Maybe I will try bribing them with something.

They really do deserve something good.

Better Safe Then Sorry

It has been known through town and the last 3 and half years we have lived here, that this small town hospital is not a place you want to go if you are sick.
Well really, it isn't that bad.
But I do know they are not equip to handle a preemie.
I have visited labor and delivery too many time in the last few weeks, I have been noticing alot of things...that they don't have.
At my last appointment, they found trace amounts of protein in my urine. They found some in my 24 hour urine sample too.
I know what this means.
Pre-Eclampsia.
Along with my high blood pressure.....and now protein...?
I had this with Matthew.
I know the signs and I know what too look for.
I also know it will not get better. There is no fix. No medicine to take. The only safe thing is delivery.
Matthew was 2 weeks and 5 days early. he still had complications and had trouble breathing.
being here and having all this....no, I am not going to take the chance.
The doctor here isn't taking it as serious..which makes me nervous.
Maybe the levels of protein are still low enough not to worry yet.
But if it does increase and my blood pressure does get worse, do I wanna take a chance and still be here.
Nope. We prayed about it last night.
I was back and forth all day until I went in for my Non-Stress Test.
The nurse was amazing. her name was Katie.
Jeff and I joked about how this summer was worse than 1997 (Jeff had 15 different jobs that year)...and then we explained why and what we were thinking would be best.
She agreed. She brought some things to mind and any worries or doubts I had, were cleared up with her answers.
I can't explain the peaceful feeling i had while talking to her.
So.....
We are moving.
The boys and Emma and I are moving down to Sacramento. I think we are leaving tomorrow around 5ish. Jeff will drive me down there and leave me there with the van. We will borrow my dad's 4-runner so Jeff can come down and visit.
We are hoping for the hardship transfer, but not planning on it. Jeff will come down when it is time for baby, and return a few weeks later.
The only thing I am having a hard time about, is Jeff not being here.
But we both agree the safety of this baby is most important.
We both know this is the right thing to do.
We have ALOT of things to do.
The plan is to take a load of stuff like we are visiting for a few weeks and Jeff will bring a load up each time he visits.
Labor day weekend, we (not me, bed rest remember) will come up with a truck or 2 and bring a large load back to my parents house.
I am worried about living with my Dad. He has less patience with the boys, I totally get it, but I worry.
I can't believe the crazy summer I have had.
I am not worried about the boys and school, the schools by my mom do not start until Sept 8th. They will be glad to have a few more days of vacation.
Wish me luck.
This is going to be a long few days.

Update

Okay, tonight it is way too hot to do anything but lay around.
But it is soooo hot the Internet keeps coming off and on....we asked the cable company, and it was out all over because of the heat.
Sooooo....
I am good.
Baby is good.
There is no extra amniotic fluid anymore. All is normal.
Baby was breech, but over Monday he decided to turn. I was having the worst pain in my back and side. IT WAS HIM!
By morning I was back to normal, no pain., and by the time we saw the specialist there wasn't any thing to worry about....well not anything.
I am the wonder that is me, so of course I will have issues.
I have higher Blood pressure than they like.
they want me on meds 4 times a day and then I will have to be be checked by ultrasound once a week, and then a Non- Stress test twice a week.
He also said, if I can stay pregnant for another 8 to 10 days, I can deliver in Susanville.
If anything should happen, like 4 contractions in an hour, i go straight to the labor and delivery and I will be checked. I am no where near ready to deliver...meaning, my cervix is high and closed...need a key to get me open.
I can deliver in Sacramento if I need to be.... I don't wanna.
I wanna be home, with my stuff, and my bed, and my mom has stairs and ....anyway, I am relieved i am not in any "complete bed rest" kind of danger. He does want me to take it easy, but I had to laugh.... I have 5 kids...duh.
So many things going on.... i don't have time to "bed rest"!
I am doing well, right now I am swollen....but it is like 100 degrees outside.
Still no air.
Or dryer. I get to go hang laundry in a minute, joy.
The new blood pressure meds make me sleepy (that should only last a few days) so hopefully i spelled everything right.
We got the boys set up for school on monday.... only a few more days.
So excited.
Not that they will be gone, that they will be busy. They are so bored.
I know, out here even.... I think all the snakes ran away......
I melting into a puddle as we speak..........why so hot today?

Tid bit news:
found out why we had to get out of the old house.....newspaper here in town says it all.

where do I begin.....?

so much has happened.
It started Tuesday at my ultrasound appointment.
My good friend Monica went with me because Jeff had to work.
They were checking the levels of amniotic fluid. They noticed it was higher than it should be at this time in my pregnancy. we got to see his adroable face. the ultrasound tech kept showing his lips and face. he is still breech, but she pointed out he has tons of hair..." see all the white dots?" she asked...."these are air bubbles, which right next to his head means he has got hair...and lots of it!"
He is a cute baby. I can't wait to hold him. I still need a name. She tried to get a gender double check. I keep having nightmares that he comes out a girl and I have given all my girl stuff away!
My doctors appointment on Thursday proved to be the weirdest day in a long time.
Well, the Tuesday ultrasound showed that it was more fluid than the week before. And I gained 6 lbs in a week.
The doctor was so concerned he wants me to see a specialist in Reno. He wants some more blood test done, me to pee in a jug for 24 hours and get steroid shots. Also to take it easy for the weekend....kinda like best rest....
Yeah, right, I have 5 kids.
Of course I freak out. On the inside.
I joked the reason for my blood pressure being so high was that my in-laws were on their way into town to visit for the day. The doctor did not laugh.
Straight from the doctors office I headed to the hospital and got my first shot of steroids and to pick up my jug.
That hurt. The shot, not the jug.
And then we went to get some food for lunch to feed Jeff's parents.
By the time I got home the steroids were taking effect. It was subtle.
We really enjoyed the time we had with them. I always dread the visit, but end up eating my words.
We talked for hours, well Jeff's mom and I did. Had a great visit...The boys played outside.
Then as I was giving her some clothes I was about to give to the thrift store, my hip went out.
Like I almost fell.
I sat for a while, and then got up to make dinner.
I didn't want to ruin the visit, so even though I felt weird and could barely walk I made dinner.
It got worse by the time we were eating.
I talked my mother in law into watching Momma Mia, which she had never seen, (and she loved it) and in the middle of dinner I finally told Jeff I was having problems.
I couldn't walk. The pain in my hips was horrible. I was afraid to walk. The joints in my arms and shoulders hurt. I felt dizzy, I couldn't see 7 feet in front of me clearly, my eyes were burning and I felt like I was on fire.
We called the advice nurse and they said take me to the hospital.
I begged for Jeff to let me finish my dinner and off we went. Jeff's Parents volunteered to stay with the kids.
Off we went. by then I was having contractions and the base of my back and hips hurt...really bad. and intensified with each contraction.
they hooked me up to all the monitors and made me drink lots of water.
tests and more tests, I checked out okay. We made it home by 11:30.
Jeff and his dad gave me a blessing and I took some pain meds for the pain that was still in my back.
The doctor on call said it was some of the side effects of the steroids. You basically feel like crap.
No one warned me of the side effects.
I think just from my busy morning/day, not drinking enough water and all the news and stress of it all made me go into labor.
Jeff stayed home from work on Friday and after my second steroid shot I laid in bed most of the day.
My mom is trying to convince me to just move to Sacramento and have the baby there.
The main concern for the baby is that my body will keep producing more fluid and the uterus will think I am ready to deliver when I still have just a little over 6 weeks to go.
They do not have the proper facility to take care of an early baby here in this town. They will recommend Reno.
Reno is an hour and half from my town. I have 5 kids and I will have no help.
My best bet is staying in Sacramento, where they have several hospitals that can take care of the baby if he came early in a moments notice...well with in 20 minutes and not an hour and a half. I would have more help then I will need in Sacramento.
It is the smart thing to do.
We will have to move soon.
Stress!
We will see the doctor on Monday, he will check fluid levels and then the specialist in Reno is on Tuesday. We have to wait and see what he says.
Not sure what he will say. If he says bed rest, then we will be moving the kids and I to Sac to my mom's house.
Jeff will stay behind and work until he can get a hardship transfer or until his transfer comes through in December.
He will just have to come and visit every other weekend until the baby comes. It will be the hardest thing we will ever do. But just for the safety of this baby, it will have to work.
I can not even tell you the stress level I am at.
The steroids are so weird. I had the same symptoms yesterday after my shot that I had on Thursday. But this time I was sent to my room.
I have no idea what I did to deserve a guy like Jeff, I am so lucky. (I still haven't figured out why he loves me so)
The side effects are still here today, just not as bad. I am jittery and my eyes still burn, but I can see better.
Which is good, because I had to drive to town to turn in my 24 hours of urine.
Never a weirder feeling then to have to carry a jug of pee into a hospital.
They are checking for protein...toxemia.
Not sure if I will be at church tomorrow. Just not feeling well.
My back and hips don't hurt, which is good, but if I do too much i feel pain in my back, like shooting, pulsating jolts of pain with every beat of my heart. I hate it.
Jeff is working too, I wish I could say I wish he was home.
He got some overtime tonight.
Thanks to Arnold and his furloughs, we need every dime. And have to suffer with the any and all over time he can get.
That 3rd furlough day took away my grocery money. What little I had.
That is what has been going on in my life.
I am an emotional wreck. So many things to think and ponder on. So many things to stress over... and these steroids on top of my hormones are not helping.
Any and all help is excepted.
Any advice is welcome too.
I need more stress like I need a shot in the butt....which I might get again next week.
Wish me luck.

4 boys, first broken bone

So Saturday night started out wonderful.
Jeff got overtime, I could make an easy dinner, it was nice and cool.
The boys were playing and then fighting and playing and then fighting....same old same old.
I am resting from over doing it.
Mostly from yelling at the boys for fighting.
As I watched TV, Sammy and Caleb come into the living room SCREAMING!!!!
Caleb has Sammy fingers in his hand. Caleb is screaming and crying hysterically, "I am so sorry Sammy!" (over and over)
I calmly asked what happened.
I do not get an answer...because they are both still screaming.
I take Sammy's hand from Caleb and ...that is when it happens.....
the blood pours down from his finger, down my hand and all over my clothes. (luckily I was wearing my painting clothes)
Nathan than gets hysterical, I have to calmly tell him to knock it off, tell Caleb to stop or I will slap him, and Sammy to calm down.
I check out where the blood is coming from and it is Sammy's middle finger, right at the base of his finger nail.
Sliced all the way across. And it looks like it is half way through the finger.
(Now, If you know me well, I hate the insurance up here. I hate that I have to pay for the 20%.
Growing up with Kaiser and never having to do that and having it all my married life until we moved here it was hard to accept.)
I knew no matter how cheap I was, I would have to take him to the ER,
I can't believe how calm I was through out the whole ordeal.
I wrapped up his finger in a towel, I changed my clothes, and loaded him up in the van.
I knew not to call Jeff. (He was mad at me, but he was working overtime and I knew I could handle this)
I called my Mom, I dunno why, I just do in a crisis. (big or small)
Sammy insisted Nathan come along to "hold his hand"...too cute.
Off we went.
The ER was not too busy. And I am thinking...small town, Susanville ER, this won't take long....
So the wrong night to go.
So busy...a few car accident patients (nothing tragic, just back injuries), a guy who's eyes watered for 2 hours at home and was losing his sight, a one year old with a fever day 3 of 103. A kid with a broken arm, (it looked like a Z when he came in), a lady curled into a ball miscarrying, and 2 inmates brought in from the prison.
I Carly was on the TV, for an hour and a half, I almost pulled out my hair. I can only take 1 episode at a time.
Sammy, stopped crying as soon as we got the the hospital, so he was just hungry.
I always have a purse full of stuff for boys to do and eat, but I was so "calmly" rushed I didn't even grab water. All I had was a $10 bill.
We waited....and waited.
Jeff finally got off work at 10pm and he came right over. Jeff went with Sammy to get X-rayed. And we waited some more.
Just after eleven, we were brought to the back. And we waited some more.
We decided Nathan wasn't needed and Jeff took him home and changed from his work clothes.
We waited.
Just after midnight, the doctor came in and said it was broken. They were gonna clean it and glue it and splint it.
And we waited.
Some of the guys Jeff works with were there and ordered pizza. They were more than happy to share with Sammy, who was very, very happy to have pizza.
They finally cleaned it.
And talk about THE worst ER nurse I have ever met.
She completely ignored any questions Jeff had, like he wasn't there.
We had to remind her what the doctor wanted her to do to Sammy's finger.
Seriously!
I had to ask her to wrap the splint after she put it on.
We waited some more and was so mad when the baby on day 3 of 103 temp, was finally seen at 1am. Poor baby. I would have given up my spot in a heartbeat, if I had known they were gonna make him wait.
Sammy was a trooper.
You know, he never cried the whole time we were there.
We finally left, proudly showed off his very large, now wrapped in white gauze, middle finger he to the guys with the pizza. I thought it was funny, and so did they.
They gave us some Tylenol with Codeine for him to take. We gave him one dose. He really isn't in any pain, but just in case the numbness or shock wore off in the middle of the night.
Sammy was my first boy with a broke bone.
In all my 13 1/2 years of motherhood, he was my first broken bone from the boys. Knock on wood.
(Emma's broken nose was the first)
He has a check up on Wednesday to see how it is healing.
And the twerp is having a hard time keeping on his splint.
Just watch, this new baby boy Bigney joining our family will be the child who gets hurt the most.

Pain

Man oh man, it hurts.
My foot.
1/4 numb and 3/4 hurts like heck.
If I walk on it, it hurts.
If I don't walk on it, It hurts.
If anyone touches it, it hurts.
No, I did not break, it sprang, it or twist it.
I woke one morning and the pain shot up my leg.
It is a part of pregnancy. Of mine anyway.
Which makes this VERY LAST pregnancy for me, all the sweeter.
I never have to have pain in my stomach when I bed over.
I never have to have pain in my hips when I bend over.
I never have to have swollen ankles or hands.
I never have to have the pain going all the way down my leg from sitting too long.
I will never have to sleep sitting up, if I don't want to.
I never have to have a stuffy nose like this for 9 months, which makes me so nauseous that I can't sleep on my side and I have to sleep sitting up.
I will never have to be hungry and eat every time I wake up to go pee at night.
I will never have to wake up to go pee all night long.
I will never waddle again.
I will never have to see a doctor once a month.
I will never have to do all the other little things involved with being pregnant.
Down side....
I will never feel life move in my belly again. that is my favorite part.
I will never have to come up with a name.
I will never have that anticipation of what he/she would look like.
I will never feel that sweet new spirit so small in my arms, knowing he is a piece of Jeff and I.
This is my last time doing this.
Yes, someday we will have grandkids, but I am too young to ponder about that now. And I think it will be different.
I am sad.
It is bitter sweet.
Why is life so bitter sweet?
Good and bad.
Hard yet soft.
I know why.
It is for us to learn and grow.
Does it have to be so stinkin' painful to walk?
I don't know what to do about this pain in my foot.
I am a mom of 5 and a wife. I have things to do.
I can't just sit around and read the Twilight series again....all day.
Well, maybe I can until Thursday... that is when I see the doctor again.
Think less painful thoughts for me, unless you revel in me being in pain.
If you do, never mind.

"Criiiiikey!"

I hate snakes.
No, I really do.
Like "freak me out, phobia" hate snakes.
But the boys are so happy it is so worth it.
I don't touch them or hold them.... but I can take a picture of them.
So gross.

I think Caleb would love to be the next "Crocodile Hunter"... I think he may just dress as one for Halloween.