Friday, April 27, 2012

Yes, I know.

I has been a while.
I moved.
I have movedinto my parents house while they are on a Mission for our church.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They are in Des Moines, Iowa right now. OWrking in the Mission Presidents office. My dad with all the cars and my mom in a office assistance kind of position. They are loving it but missing us.
The rent was half of what we were paying, so we jumped on it.
Our goal is to save money for a house.
 and as most of our goals s not panning out.
But I have to remind myself, it has only been a month.
 Yes, we pulled the boys out of school.
Yes, they didn't like it, but I didn't want to live in that other house any more.
The boys are adjusting...sort of. The teenagers beg to stay home every single day.  We have yet to go to our new ward.
Lost of Changes.
Sammy turned 9.
Jeff got a new shift at work that gives him the chance to be at home in the evenings for dinner and homework. The new shift also means he misses church.
I miss my life in that other house. The days of going back to bed after getting the boys off to school, (since we lived right across the street)
I miss being closer to my sister Carrie.
I miss seeing my aunt every day.
I miss the convience of Winco and the 99 cent store being so close.
And I miss my Mom and dad.
 I hate living here in there house with my stuff and them not being here.
It is one thing to live here with their stuff, but my stuff, where mom's stuff has been forever.
I still go to reach for a dish towel or dish cloth under the silverware drawer. Where it has been in this house for 30 years!!!!! Even though I have moved it to under the sink. (That was wear it was in my house and our garbage can does not fit under the sink)
I am in a funk.
I just want to under under the covers and do nothing. I can't.
Jeff is someone I don't deserve. He is so freaking AWESOME!!!! But he gets to a point where he can't take it any more and just does it. Not everything mind you.
 Jeff has the mentality that it has to be done right away. And I am in the mind, i will do it when I am ready. It will get done, just not when Jeff thinks it should be. I have my way of doing things and he has his. I would rather play with my kids then make sure every dirty dish is washed or every single piece of dirty laundry is washed or every cubbard is totally organized.
 It gets done. but when I can wrap my head around it.
The boys have chores, but they miss things.
 I am am basically in charge of the kitchen. All meals and cleaning is done by me.
I also watch my sisters boys Sawyer and Levi. 2 of THE cutest boys known to man. Handful? Yes, but I love them so much. ALL worth it.
And what's 2 more, really?
I am doing well. was off my anti-depressant for a few days, ran out. and since I have a weird freaky phobia of the phone (and I was sick) I didnt call for a refill. Jeff did it for me, but My anixety was so high.
Suffered all those years and didn't know what it was. Just thought it was normal.
I am hoping to post more. Gotta figure out how to get the pictures off my iphone.
 I have been crafty lately and trying new recipes, because I love Pintrest.
I have 3 Apps on the front of my iphone right above my wallpaper picture of the LDS Salt Lake Temple.
Pintrest, my Smurf game and Facebook.
I dont even have what the ipod was intended for on the front, music.
It is on there, just not in the front. but really, when do I have time.
It has been an adjustment for everyone here.
Emma has been cranky, mikey is not used to not having all of my attention or used to sharing the attention. the boys hate school. they both dont understand why we wlive at Granma and Pap's house and they aren't here.
I typed that I hated taking them to school, but i backspaced to re-type... i have a love/hate relationship with driving the boys to school.
We go through more gas, not it is not that far away, but far enough I have to drive. until we get the boys bikes fixed, that is.
I like that I get up for the day, I get more stuff done, but I hate missing out on the the 30 minutes of extra sleep.
Since Jeff's new schedule changed, he has to go to bed earlier. which means, the little ones who fell asleep and were either woken up by brothers going to bed, or just deciding they have had enough of a nap, I get to be the one who takes care of them until the wee hours of the morning. then then get up and get all off to school and be ready for 2 more boys.
In February, we decided to start going to my parents ward to get the kids used to it. Then in March, 2 weeks before my parents gave their farewell talks in church, a member of the bishopric from their ward asked me to give a talk in the ward the follwing Sunday. This man, is one of Jeff's favorite people, and someone we have all looked up too. How could I say no?
Actually, I said...."but I am not even in your ward yet?
Then I asked him...."are you sure?"
He looked at me, tears in his eyes, and said he felt prompted by the spirit to ask me.
Now, I havent given a talk in 21 years.
Yes, fellow mormon people, I have said no, for 21 years.  I remember the last one I gave was right after girls camp and 2 summers before I got married.
I did fabulous, though my anixety was high, i couldn't let my family down.
I will copy/paste my talk on here.
I have to say, I didn't know my talk was last and I am truly thankful, the Brother that asked me to speak made sure I didn't have to talk long. He filled in the slots of time with some testimonies. He is now on my hero list. Thank you Brother Suofoa.
I was certain I would blubber and cry through out the entire talk, but I suprised my self and did okay.
 I did cry. But they could understand me. my favorite part. They laughed at me. But they laughed at just the right parts.
I have had a history with issues with ward members from other wards. Lots of assumtions and misunderstandings and judgement and growing up was had. and alot of that was me.
I have become very unfriendly...okay, that is the wrong word....I have become...shy, but not.
I don't go out of my way to introduce myself anymore. Does that make sense?
I didn't try very hard in my last ward. I don't know why. It was a wonderful ward.
I am hoping to become more out going in this ward. We have plans to find a house out here, so we can stay a while.
Did I mention I missed my Mom and dad like crazy?
Well, I do.
I hope to get out of this funk.

Oh, here is my talk. (there was some improv. I just dont remember it.)

Good Morning,

My name is Katie Bigney.
I am not technically in the ward…yet. My parents are Jerry and Susi Scoville, and my family and I will be moving into their house while they serve their mission in Iowa.
Right now, I still don’t know how Brother Suafoa got me up here, since I haven’t given a talk in 21 years. Yes, I actually said no to a bishopric member, more than once, and no, I am not proud of it.
Super short story about me; Born and raised here in Sacramento, Married the best guy on the planet, Jeff in the Oakland Temple in 1994 and we now have 6 kids, 5 boys and 1 girl, but not in that order. I love music, but can’t sing in the choir. I get too emotional and end up crying through every hymn.

I have a horrendous memory. I can remember all the words to a Depeche Mode song from 1991, but I will probably not remember your name if I met you this morning. I am extremely shy and it takes me a while to warm up. I usually just sit back and watch the show.

I honestly believe I have the best family and know I was born into this family for a reason. I proudly say I have 20something nephews and 7 nieces. That includes both Bigney and Scoville families. I never thought I would be in love with that many boys at one time.

Really quick, just because I am Susi Scoville’s daughter, does not mean I am as creative as she is. Don’t believe the hype. Simple, slow paced calling, please.

The first thing I said when I was asked to give this talk was…
”But I am not even in this ward?”
I guess it didn’t matter. I am terrified right now.

I was asked to speak from the April 2011 General Conference talk given by Mary N. Cook titled:

“Remember This: Kindness Begins with Me”

Shortly after the realization that I actually said yes to give a talk in Sacrament meeting, the panic set in.

After sharing the topic of my talk to a few people they all said they same thing,
“Oh, that is perfect for you!”
I doubt my boys would agree. You know, I have been deemed the meanest mom ever, a few times actually.

It is such a simple thing.
We sing in primary:

I want to be kind to ev’ryone,
For that is right, you see.
So I say to myself, “Remember this:
Kindness begins with me.”

I have tried to teach my children to be kind.
To all. No matter what.
And in general, they are, mostly to other people, not quite enough to each other.

Sister Cook talks about the
The 13th Article of faith;

“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous and in doing good to all men…”
Benevolent…and doing good to all men…

A beloved prophet has taught us about being kind.
President Ezra Taft Benson tells us that a person who is kind, is sympathetic and gentle with others, is considerate of others’ feelings, is courteous in his or her behavior, and has a helpful nature. He goes on to say, “Kindness pardons others’ weaknesses and faults. Kindness is extended to all—to the aged and the young, to animals, to those low of station as well as the high.”

I truly believe we can practice being kind within our own families, among our friends, in our schools, and in our communities.
If you think about it, no act of kindness is ever wasted. Acting kindly can change the giver and the receiver for good.

I believe kindness should start in the home.
It doesn’t have to be grand, it could be as simple Jeff letting me sleep in and getting the kids off to school, because I was up with the little one who took at nap at 8pm the night before.
Or as simple as my oldest son taking my littlest to the park so I could have a cling free 20 minutes. He is very clingy.

Okay, my mom told to share some stories…Here it goes mom.
My Mom makes the most amazing heart shaped sugar cookies for Valentine’s Day. It is something my Grandmother did for us when I was a kid. We always knew we would get that cookie on Valentines day, even if we got nothing special at school.
This is not just any cookie. This is a heart shape, the size of your hand, sweet heaven in your mouth, piped with your name in beautiful pastel colored frosting, kind of a cookie. If you know the size of my family, there is a lot of us. 40 something cookies she made this year. She actually made a few extra for some close friends of my sister, just so they didn’t feel left out. That to me is kindness.

I was raised with knowing service brings joy. Not by words, but by example. Now, this is when I am gonna cry.
Both my parents showed us, that helping people move, making dinner for someone, folding chairs after a church meeting, never leaving the building until it was all clean, even if you weren’t in charge.
My Dad is one of those special guys. They are gonna love him in Iowa. I remember from an early age, already late for some meeting or family activity, watching him pull over to the side of the road to help someone push their car off the road, or slowing down if someone was broken down to make sure they had everything they needed.
He has always helped everyone. Family, friends, and even strangers. He will sacrifice time, sweat, and even the last piece of black licorice for anyone in need. That is a big deal to me, cause I like black licorice.

Another important person who has been the biggest example to me on kindness and benevolence and doing good to all men is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
The Savior promises to give us kindness eternally and unconditionally.
In 3rd Nephi chapter,22 verse 10 it says….

“For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee.” (3 Ne. 22:10;

Sister Cook also tells us:
“Our Savior taught us about and lived a benevolent life. Jesus loved all and He served all. Centering our lives on Jesus Christ will help us acquire this attribute of benevolence. For us to develop these same Christ like attributes, we must learn about the Savior and “follow in His ways.” Close quote.

I have always viewed my life like a book.
Where every thought, word and deed are written down in the book for my entire life, to be read out loud on judgment day. Do I want more kind thoughts, words and deeds to be written? Of course.

It is hard to remember that on a bad day when nothing seems right and I let my temper get the better of me.
My goal and challenge for you is to be kind.
Try it once a little extra every day this week. Call the less active and invite them to a play day. Be slow to judge, even a simple smile and a hello, how are you, will do wonders. Go out of your comfort zone and extend a hand and maybe introduce yourself to the extremely shy lady sitting in the back row.
I know, as we strive to be kind and truly love one another, we will feel closer to Christ.
“With everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.” (3 Ne. 22:8)

I have a testimony of this wonderful gospel. I know that my Heavenly Father is there and he loves me. I have a testimony of Jesus Christ, His love for me and in the atonement.

I know Joseph Smith was a prophet and I know we have a living prophet today, Thomas S Monson.
I love my family. I am grateful for every gross and disgusting and wonderful thing my boys will ever do, I am grateful for my sweet beautiful daughter Emma, I know she was my present. I am so gratefull for my husband and the sacrifices his makes every day, just by going to work to provide for us. He is one of my hero’s.

I know that by living the gospel we have been blessed with everything we have. I truly believe that by being kind and loving one another I will be able to stay close to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Okay, so that was it. reading it over made me cry again. Weird right?
I have to get back to my day....yucky. (I want my bed!)