Voices

I hear voices.
I have for years.
Okay, so not really voices, but a voice.
Not my voice in my head, but a really negative voice.
This voice on a daily basis would tell me I am a peice of crap.
I am dirt on someone shoes.
Not really loved or like.
I could go on, but I think you get the point.
I am talking, twenty-something years.
I am 38.
It started long before I got married.
And the worst part..... I believed it.
I believed this horrible voice.
I have never been able to resist the voice until it wanted me to harm myself.
That was a bad day.
I knew I could never go through with it.
My kids would be the ones to suffer the most.
Why am I telling you this?
Why am I sharing this personal part of my life with anyone?
Because the voice is gone.
I finally told my doctor about my thoughts of suicide, and she got me on some meds.
Now, why in the world didn't I do this before?
I believed my voice and I believed I wasn't worth it.
I am so much happier now.
I am not 100%, but I am getting there.
I am sharing, just in case, there is someone else out there like me, who might happen upon my blog and understand, have the same problem and can help them.
I am also sharing so that people who do know me, can finally understand where i have been the lasy 20 years or so and maybe they will say..." oh okay, that makes sense. she was crazy after all, glad she is getting help"
yes, I joke, but seriously.
Someone out there knew it. She spotted it years ago, called me on it, and because I didn't want to believe it, we were never able to be really good friends.
She was so right. Sorry about that.
I am doing TONS better.
I am on a new heathy eating plan, something even I can do.
I plan to start walking when it stops raining.
Someday....dont laugh.... I want to run a marathon.
I want to fly to Utah and see my BFF. (one seat)lol

Not much else is happening in my life.
I am a mom of six, so I clean, cook, and hug alot.