Merry Humbug!

Yes, I said Humbug.

It is just the way I feel.
My house is a mess, I have ten thousand loads of laundry.
My tree isn't decorated.
Heck, it isn't even have lights on it.
I guess I finally understand why growing up my mom got so cranky before Christmas. (if I posted a post like this last year, I apologize, I don't have time to time this blog let alone check past posts)
As we speak, I have yet to do my traditional teacher gift, with home made white chocolate dips pretzels and snowman marshmallow candy, with other blue and silver candies to go with my blue and silver snowflake gift bags or boxes, including a snowflake ornament.
Yes, I do blue and white and snow. Why?
Well, one of these Christmas seasons, my kids will end up with a teacher who doesn't believe in Christmas or is Jewish, so I started playing it safe with blue and snowman stuff. More of a seasons greetings.
Honestly, I can;t believe I am here typing, it is 8:57pm and my boys are playing outside, I have hair pretties to make, teacher gifts (thank goodness for High school and Jr. High, on 2 teachers this year) I also have to make Lemon Squares for my Nathan to take to a pot luck for tomorrow. I just finished eating...sort of my dinner. Thank goodness for the goobers who were home when the pot roast went off on the timer,t they never took it out of the oven...but they did turn off the oven.
Even bribing my kids with money for "babysitting" each other whilst I shop for Christmas cheer, gets them to help me out around here!
That's right.
Christmas Cheer.
That is what all this work and time and effort are for.
That good old, dumb magical Christmas Cheer that isn't even appreciated until they are grown up with obnoxious, ungrateful teenagers of their very own.
I here by shout to the world.
" MOM,I AM SO SORRY I WAS AND UNGRATEFUL OBNOXIOUS TEENAGER"
I do know deep.....deeep.....deeep down, they are grateful.
And I do know in the very end, which is 5 minutes after the presents are opened, it is allllll worth it.
Kinda.
I am grateful that the stress of purchasing gifts this year was not there at all. Getting the right thing was.
I am soooo grateful for my husband who worked extra over time to pay for the Christmas....(all CASH!).
Thanks babe.

Wow, I did it, I actually posted. I....hope I can post a picture of our Tree and the kids soon.
Who am I kidding.....I will be lucky, if I make it over here until next year.

Christmas Cards

Does anyone still do Christmas cards? I no longer make them from scraps of paper, taking that extra time and love.
This year we have opted to not do it at all.
Well, not a card, but a CD of some of our favorite Christmas songs.
(well, this year, it is some new songs and old songs I LOVE)
The postage to send these suckers out will be the same as doing a picture card and ordering it from Wal-mart.
If you want one, send me your address via email and I will send you one.
I hope everyone likes this one this year, it is a bit different then years past.
I love Christmas music.
This year a asked Jeff if I could start listening to it the day after Halloween.
Of course, I didn't wait for his answer and I started looking for new versions to my favorite Christmas songs.
I wouldn't be offended if anyone gave it away, or even threw it in the trash.
It is different.
But if you know me at all, I am one of those criers. The ones who cant sing at church, because the words of the hymns hit the core of my heart and I start to ball. I mean, like need a tissue kind of a cry.
I have to mouth the words and pretend so my kids will sing.
It is the same with Christmas songs.
I have such a huge testimony of Jesus Christ and his love for me and all of us on this earth. And when almost every song is about Him.... the tears can't be held back.
So...... I went a little rock and roll this year.
Maybe a little too much.
There is some funki-ness too.
I like all kinds of music. (except Gangster rap)
Why am I so nervous about this CD?
I hope everyone gives this a chance and listen to it more than once.
Maybe a few times.
It only took Jeff 3 or 4 times listening to 'tobymac' to love it like I do.
If you want one, email me your address.
If you hate it when you get it, I am truly sorry....but I love it.
EVERY SINGLE SONG!!!

Happy.

I am happy.
I am.
It is almost unreal.
I have lived so long being depressed I am not sure how to even proceed.
I have been thinking about it for days.
I even said to my aunt, "I am happy, but it feels weird to be so happy."
I mean, lets get real, there is the everyday stuff...."am I a good mother?"
or "it is my fault we are ave have not bought a house yet." (I have impulse control issues and, well, you figure it out)
But other then doubting myself a few times a day, I am happy.
I don't sit around wallowing in self pity. (I am not eating as much too.)
It is simple.
We have enough for our needs, we are healthy, Jeff has a pretty secure job.
Someone asked me, "Arent you waiting for the bottom for fall out?"
Yes, I am.
But I dont wallow.
I just set it aside to think about tomorrow.
I just try to do the best I can for that day and hope the bottom doesn't fall out along the way.
Speaking of bottoms, mine is quite large.
I am finally ready to do something about it.
Unfortunately, it is December, and a great time of my favorite foods and goodies.
Isn't January the time of renewly and starting over?
That sounds good, January.
Maybe by Summer, I will have a less large bottom.