Okay, I won't, but if you don't want to really know.... don't ask.
I am struggling.
I know most blogs are about fun and wonderful things happening in their lives.
But this is not my family blog and frankly, nothing wonderful is happening.
Except Michael... He smiled at me.
I love holding that little guy.
Even when he is crying. Don't get me wrong, I do get frustrated at the screaming and not being able to fix it.
Babies are suppose to cry. They just do. It is their only way of communication, but then the reason they are crying is because something isn't right and they need it fixed. I got lucky, he really doesn't cry that much.
And I am actually taking that time to snuggle and just love him.
I don't remember doing that with the other kids, I am sure I did but I don't remember it.
I think I am making myself really enjoy this one.
Yes, even with everything going on.
I don't really have friends. Family is all busy with their own lives.
All I have is.... boys to school. feed babies, try to clean, feed babies (Michael and Emma), boys home, feed all my babies, homework, try to get chores and homework done, make dinner, feed babies, and get them off to bed. Then try cleaning and feed baby. Go to bed...feed baby... do it all over again.
If you ask me....
I am struggling as a mother. It is hard to discipline your kids with Grandparents here at the same time. No they don't do a lot of "putting their two cents in", but i guess it is just me being insecure. I am not like my Mom in the discipline department, and I am afraid she is thinking I am doing it wrong.
I feel as if I have failed. I have not taught them the things they NEED to know. And yet, when is time for scriptures and prayers at night, I am so crazed with frustration and anger, I don't wanna. I just want them to go to bed. Yet, if they had this in their lives, they might be different.
If you ask me....
"Oh, the Joy's of raising Boys".....who ever came up with that crap is seriously disturbed.
What joy? Okay maybe a little.
And we are talking, LITTLE!
They are messy, and gross, and loud and ....oh man, I could go on and on, or just insert a previous post, You all know how I feel.
I LOVE my boys, but liking them is different.
So many other factors they don't talk about with raising boys... is girls.
I mean they tell you boys like girls, but....
I am just so glad Jeff will be home soon. Jeff can talk to the boys about girls.
*deep sigh*
If you ask me....
Have I ever told you I hate calling people on the phone?
Nothing personal. I am mostly just a goober. and I sound like an idiot. (no laughing)
It took me a while to be able to talk to my best friend in Utah.
Now I have to call all these places to ask if we can see/rent a house.
It stresses me out to the point of anxiety.
The pressure from my mom has started.
Jeff called on the house we saw yesterday. ( too small of a kitchen, and too much $ for being backed up to the freeway)
I know I have to get up the nerve, and honestly (remember i don't lie), every time, I get up the nerve, something happens.
If you ask me...
I am a mess.
And If I really let it all out, you would be calling a doctor to have be committed.
No... it really just feels like it is bad...my "mess" is really just self doubt.
If you ask me... the only cure for my "mess" is a couple of good long naps, in my own bed, next to my husband, while my kids read scriptures to each other and do their chores without asking.
If you ask me.... I will probably lie.
I am just fine.
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