Responsibility

(here I go complaining again)

Responsibility.

I hate that word.

It is exhausting.

I have so much of it, it gives me anxiety.

Right now I am in charge of 6 kids, the bills, the groceries, the laundry, the chores, homework, finding a place to live and keeping everyone happy.

Finding a place to live and being a singe parent is the hardest part so far.

I am so tired too.

We are trying to decide if we should buy or rent.

Or course buying would be smarter.

But lets face it, we didn't know much about credit when we got ours way back when and we really screwed it up before we realized the impact.

It is better, but getting a home loan is questionable.

Maybe I shouldn't tell you. Maybe I should just keep it to myself.

But honestly, what am I ashamed of?

Making some bad decisions years ago?

It happens.

Can't go back and change it.

It is what it is.

I keep sighing.... deep and long.

My mind is constantly worried about the boys bother my mom and dad. The house not being as clean as mom likes it. The boys and school work. How dad not being here is effecting them.

Saving enough money, while trying to feed and clothe my kids. (so much is in storage and not easy to get too.)

I can't even describe how exhausted I am.

Looking forward to the day I have less responsibility....

okay, so that will never happen, so can I look forward to my own place?

I feel terrible.

I made a comment on Facebook (it has been deleted) about my brother being here a year and that maybe my mom liked him better.

He was hurt by the comment and I am sooooo regretting it. It was just a joke.

And the fact is, never should have said it.

I am just a brat. I have no other excuse except that being a brat is the only thing I am good at. All unintentional.

I just didn't think it would be hurtful.

Sorry Jeremy.