Too tired.

I said I was gonna list all the things that I loved, there is so many millions of things that I do love it would take forever, so I was gonna just post the things I love about that particular day when I had the time to post.
I have found I do not have the time to post very often.
I do love all my kids, my daughter, my family, my friends, (new & old) and I love the gospel and the scriptures and I do love my life.
Well parts of it anyway.
I don't want to be negative, but it the negative things I do talk about because I need to talk about them. Maybe get feed back from others who may or may not be going through or have gone through the same things.

So here it goes, the latest of things, i am not so in love with.
I am so fat.
that is not a latest fact, but in this new house I have a mirror in my bathroom. it tells the truth. In my old house there was no such mirror and I could avoid seeing the "whole" me.
Sometimes the truth sets you free and sometimes it just hurts.
I am officially (not that it makes any difference official or not, I am just saying it out loud)... I am over 100lbs over weight.
Ugh.
How do I even begin to fix this problem?
Since it isn't an immediate health issue, like diabetes or... well you get it.... and don't misunderstand what i am trying to say but usual forget my whole point, i know it could turn into a problem.
I AM NOT STUPID.
i don't even know where to start.
yes, eat healthy.
yes, exercises.
I AM SO TIRED FOR LACK OF SLEEP, it is honestly the last thing i wanna do.
i am also on a very tight budget, thanks Arnold)
***********side note - i am typing with one hand because Michael is screaming if i don't hold him. so please forgive the non-capitalized letters*********
i have to be very thrifty with my money and that doesn't always mean i can have a fresh fruit salad everyday.
i have way too many more excuses....
sometimes i wish i had a heath issue to help me get motivated.
i did by a jogger/stroller from my sister. (more like traded it....oh Ashley, the dog chewed on it so she changed her price and i could not resist)
when i am stressed i bake. then i eat what i bake and then lose all self control. i bake good stuff. better than most.
i am hungry more because of the nursing.
and i am depressed.
which makes me fat, which makes me depressed.
a vicious cycle.
so exercise and trying to eat better, more water, is my plan. now if i can only get
the energy to start.
my kids had a physicals/ check ups lately and they found some things out.
Nathan is considered over weight. Matthew was at this age too and then he grew. I am not worried.
Caleb is normal. He is exactly where he is suppose to be at age 9 for a boy.
Matthew has a heart murmur. his elevated blood pressure caused an enough concern in his Dr. that we are scheduled to see a Pediatric Cardiologist, just to make sure.
Still stresses me out.
Emma is not eating (which makes her cranky). Sammy is not reading (stubborn little born), Michael is teething, (so he is not sleeping).

Jeff and I are very good. We fight over who loves who more. He thinks he wins, honestly it is probably true. His job alone proves he loves me and our family.
We will be getting our Temple recommends soon and hopefully getting to do a session in the Sacramento Temple. SO very excited about that.
It has been a struggle getting here. I haven't been to the temple with Jeff since my sister Aimee was sealed to her family.
6 years or so ago. ( i think 7)
Something dies in my house. The vents system or the attic. It stinks so bad.
We avoided the heater until it go too cold, and we had to turn it on. It stunk up my whole house. I have candles burning and windows that actually have screens open.... such a pain.

but someday, all my kids will be heathly, I will be skinny, and my house won't stink.
Until then, I can just try all of the above.
why do babies cry all day long?......okay, so it is not all day, just when I need to do something.

#7 My boys!

I know it is after Valentines day and all, but I am gonna do this all month.

Of course I do love something more than others, I just didn't put them in order.
I do love my boys.
Yes, I complain about them..... a lot.
I was gonna upload some pictures my awesome Sister-in-law Karin took right after Christmas, but it won't load. (I will edit this blog post when I figure it out.)
I have learned a few things about boys in my life time.
They are weird.
They are funny.
They are gross.
They are loud.
They are smelly.
They are mean.
They are rude.
They are loud.
They are pigs.
They are obsessed over video games.
They are ...did I mention gross?
(Well, They are.)
I have seen more boy parts then I ever wanted to.
I have lived through more home wrestling matches then I ever wanted to.
I have had to listen to more hours of video games then I ever wanted to.
I have endured more giggling over farts at the dinner table then I ever wanted to.
I have endured more stench from boys thinking they are so funny with farting then I ever wanted to.
I have listened to more fighting than I ever wanted to.
I have listen to more boys crying like girls then I ever wanted to.
I have cleaned more dirty boys bedrooms then I ever wanted to
I have cleaned more dirty, gross, and down right disgusting boys bathrooms then I have ever wanted to.
I have bought more Lego's, band aids, and straws for arm pits fart songs, Light Sabers, footballs, bikes, basketballs, nerf gun, army guys, dinosaurs, and more boys stuff than I ever wanted to.
I have watched more hours of action packed boy/guy movies then I have ever wanted to.
I have scrubbed more brown bath tubs then I ever wanted to.
I have gone through more food than I EVER thought I would. (and I am not done)
Even though they are boys, they do not cry like boys.
Even though they are boys, they are scared of the dark and the boogie man. (and bats, thanks Uncle Keith)
Even though they are boys, they are picky about food.
Even though they are boys, they often act like a drama queen.
They do have good qualities.....
My boys....
they are kind to others. (mostly at school and church)
they are praised by teachers of how polite and good they are. (mostly at school and church)
they love music. (a good thing)
they love Emma. And Michael. (sometimes too much)
they are helpful. (when threatened..lol)
they still need hugs from Mom and Dad. (even Matthew)
they love to play outside. (thankfully)
they love to play together. (sometimes not)
they really do get upset if one of them turns into a drama queen and threatens to runaway. (crying and everything)
they are wonderful.
I have endured a lot with 4 boys already.
And I would do it all over again, as long as I get Matthew, Nathan, Caleb, Samuel, and Michael.
Michael is too young to really be a part of any of that. It will come, and I will be prepared.
I am grateful for my boys.
I truly do love them.
And I am grateful my Heaven Father chose me to be their mom. (still don't know why)
Boys aren't' that bad....no, really they aren't.
Just gross....that I can't lie about.

#6 Music

(I am making up for days missed.)

I LOVE music!
No, I don't think you understand.
I really love it. I need to have it on everyday.
It cheers me up.
I can't play it, and I can't sing it, (very well anyway) But I love to listen to it.
I think I would die if I lost my hearing.
Not to hear music would....... it makes me sad just to think about it.
I love all kinds too.
Except for Gangster rap and smooth Jazz. (too many swear words and so annoying, if I wanted whining I would listen to my kids)
Polka - yes (have to be in the mood though)
Opera - Yes
Country - Yes
Oldies - yes
Swing - yes
Rock - yes
Classic Rock - yes
Disco - heck yes!
Musicals - Do you really even have to ask?
50's, 60's, 70's, 80's (my favorite) 90's and this century too.
ANYTHING you can dance to.
I used to drive my mom crazy with having to have it on.
I lived at the Youth Dances every Saturday night.
I can't even express how much I love it.
It has rubbed off on my boys.
They all got MP3 Players for Christmas. I just spent hours on Monday finally getting some songs on each one, so they can listen and do their homework.
I have 4 boys dancing and singing around the house. Of course, not all of them are the same song. So it is pretty funny!
I tried to get a list of all my favorite music from my youth and from today's good tunes and put it on my blog. It is hard to find everything. Take a few minutes and take a listen.
Tell me your favorite song.
I like.....well......ya see..... oh this one...... I like them all.

#5 Cleaning (and all that goes with it)

Warning: I am going to bore you of you read on.....

I got the dumb idea to have Jeff's parents over for his birthday.
Well, they were invited to come over for lunch and then we could play cards (our favorite thing to do together) and then go to dinner at Hometown Buffet.
What I didn't think about when I first asked the week before was that Jeff would want the WHOLE HOUSE organized and cleaned. That includes the garage.
We are still in, this is a bigger house, but no instant storage space. (we were spoiled at the other 2 houses)
I still haven't figured out where to put everything.
We spent all Monday cleaning out the garage, moving stuff around. Jeff got some stuff up in the rafters. (yay!)
We decided all my holiday decorations and kids clothes would be on one side of the garage and all the camping stuff and tools would go on the other.
We still have an extra fridge and washer and dryer. (long story, I will probably tell you sometime... don't worry)
Lots of boxes to go through still. A few of boxes of books and no book shelf.
We got most of it done. Jeff was not embarrassed to have his Dad see it.
We didn't bother with the boys rooms, but Emma's room is so organized it only took Jeff 10 minutes to clean.
Bathrooms - gross! We waited until the boys went off to school and then cleaned them. It was worse than I thought.
My house was sooooooooo clean.
yes, was. I have 6 kids. It never stays clean.
But today since we are pretty much still organized (give it a few weeks) it only takes an hour to clean it all.
That is what I love about a good cleaning.
I wish it would last though.

#4 To Create

I have created (with help) 6 of the most amazing creatures in the whole wide world.

I love to create great ideas and solutions to problems.

I love to create cards. (even if I am the only one who loves it)

I love to create scrapbook pages to last a lifetime.

A few days ago while everyone was "creating" answers to homework, I made some refrigerator magnets.

I wanted them to match my kitchen.

(Wow, Jeff camera from his cell phone takes some great pictures.)
My camera died, or I would have posted these sooner.
I just got the magnets at Walmart in the craft corner and then used some flowers and ribbon.
Each member of the family has one with his or her name on it. If it is an important paper it goes there for that person. I even have a "Bigney Family" magnet for calenders and church activites.
I made some with just yellow flowers.
I love it.
It feels good to create something.
I am hopeing to catch the scrapbook bug again and get cracking.
I am way behind on Michael's Scrapbook.

#3 Medicine

Today my sweet baby boy, woke up at 6:45 am and began to scream.
He doesn't usually scream.
He cries and then once I have figured out the problem, he stops.
Not today.
We tried everything.
We thought it was colic, or teething.
He did rub his ears, but he does that a lot. Especially when he is tired.
He stopped for 30 minutes at around 7:30 and then again at 9:30.
He stopped as we drove to the doctors.
Screamed while in the waiting room, people in the were beginning to stare.
The nurses took us back into another room, we gave him some Tylenol.
We waited with screaming Michael.
He screamed until just about a minute before the doctor walked in.
He weighs almost 19lbs.
The doctor told me I had not given him enough Tylenol.
(I felt so bad about that, but I wasn't sure on his weight and I didn't wanna give him too much.)
As soon as I gave him the rest he needed he calmed down and for the first time today, he smiled at me.
The doctor checked him out and his ears and yes, a double ear infection.
Poor baby.
After getting the medicine at the pharmacy, he nursed in the car and off we went for some of Mom's medicine. (a Wendy's chocolate frosty)
He slept for a long time. Nursed a little more, meds and more sleep, and more meds and more sleeping.
I love medicine.
I really, really do.

#2 Sleep

I love sleeping.
Sleeping is grand.
I thought I could live with out it.
I even thought I could be a great vampire someday.
But I need it. I count the hours until I get those precious few hours of it.
Yes, I only get a few.
But a relish every single minute.
I really hate Jeff's new schedule. He doesn't get home until 11pm.
We stay up until midnight or later (our time with out kids) and just as I drift off to my favorite place, Michael wakes up.
I then don't get back to sleep until 2am. Or later.
Then in the morning there is a war between Jeff and I to see who gets to sleep in. Because have the baby, I always win, but it isn't great sleep. Jeff tends to doze off on the couch while he is suppose to be watching children, and Emma usually ends up in my room, with me, not sleeping.
If you are one of the few out there who gets sleep and a lot of it, cherish it.
Do not take it for granted.
Now, I know in a few years, maybe months, I will be able to get more sleep, but right now it seems an eternity away.
The only good thing about my few precious hours of sleep are the dreams.
Yes, I have THE most bazaar dreams. I could right books. And Books.
(well, the author of the Twilight books started with a dream. What? It could happen.)
My dreams are crazy, never scary, just funny.
Jeff is almost ALWAYS the guy/love interest. That is probably a good thing, right?
Sleep.
I love sleep.
Sleep is good.