Perfect!

The doctor says Micheal is perfect.

But I knew that.

Today Michael...(man, still getting used to that name)... he had is 1st doctors appointment.

Funny thing, I, a scrapbooker, took my camera, but never took a picture of Michael. Just Emma posing like a model. Sooooooo cute!

Anyway, the doctor says he is perfect.

It is always relief to hear a professional say so.

Now if only I can keep him that way.

Emma is so fun.

Not really.

She wants to play with Michael like a dolly.

I am trying really hard to spread the love.

I have done it before. A few times even.

When Emma was born, Sammy was 4 and didn't need that extra love from mom.

Emma, man what a princess. (another reason, wanted 2 girls instead of another boy)

She is spoiled, VERY 2 years old, and very, very good at it.

I know that if when had Michael before Emma we never would have had Emma. We would have stopped at 5 boys.

Sooo very glad we didn't. I wouldn't have Michael.

Life is crazy.

Dreading the day when Jeff returns home to Susanville to work.

My mom is busy with her life, and I will be alone. Practically.

Boys are doing well.

I am having back issues.

But all in all, my life is pretty perfect.

Well, at least one thing is.

Wow, what a day.

We were on time for my appointment.

Well, ten minutes early...but registering took a longer than planned.

Up to labor and delivery, get in the bed, and they tried to hook me up to IV and draw blood, get me ready for the spinal.

My veins would not cooperate.

So we were 30 minutes late for the surgery.

Lots of scar tissue to cut through, but he was born at 12:55.

Yes I cried. I tried not to ball my eyes out, they were putting me back together.

He is everything I never knew I always wanted.

Michael Albert Bigney

(Albert is Jeff's Middle name)

He looks just like Sammy did when he was born, but with dark hair.

I noticed he has no eyebrows. Well, so fair that that tells me he will be blond.

Nathan had black hair when he was born and he is a dirty blond.

He screamed and screamed. He wasn't even all the way out yet and he was crying.

He was instantly hungry as soon as he heard my voice.

I was in recovery when I got to hold him and he stopped crying and opened his mouth ready to eat. (Emma did the same thing)

It was so overwhelming yet, perfect bliss.

He was perfect and healthy and a good

8 lbs 4 oz. 19 1/2 inches long

I was in a recovery room for 3 hours. (or so)

The hospital is so over booked there aren't enough rooms.

I finally got into a room, which I was not happy that I had to share.

They were loud at first and I was so tired, I just started to cry.

All the worrying and wonder and sleepless nights uncomfortable all came down and I was exhausted.

He was a good eater and he ate a lot. He wanted real stuff and my milk had not come in yet.

The next day after lunch they snuck me into my own room. I am suppose to be in my own room, because of the surgery, but they had nothing for me until Friday.

That was easier.

Kinda.

I cry a lot after I have a baby.

I just do.

All the emotions are all built up and then I look at him and panic sets in.

I have never been one to hold back my feelings, why start now.

yes, I panicked.

What was I thinking? I love this beautiful creature, but can I take care of him?

Can I keep him from danger?

How will I survive if anything happens to him?

Can I do this?

Now these questions having been going through my mind at every birth of each one of my babies.

And I sob for weeks trying to sort out my feelings.

Would I do this all over?

You bet I would.

I do not regret having any of my kids.

I am so scared of messing up or not doing this right I panic.

Plus, I have hormones and sleepless nights and exhaustion making me feel this way.

I have always been a worrier, it is 100 times worse when I have a baby.

It will slowing dissipate as time goes by.

Soon it will be a week and I will sigh with relief I made it a week.

Then a month, then 6 months and then a year and then I will ache for another baby. (no, we are done)

I do have drugs to blame.

They pump me with all these pain meds, and I understand why, I mean they cut me open.

Pulled and pulled and my skin just to take the baby out.

It will hurt after the spinal they gave me wears off.

and It did.

Jeff gave me a blessing Wednesday night, and it said I would be okay and that I would heal fast.

And I have.

I can not believe what I am doing now, that I never could do after I had Emma.

I had my usually shaking issue. I get so cold I shake for 5 to ten minutes. But I am not cold. I believe it is with drawls.... or something from having a baby.

Jeff has had to cover me with his body and kind of hold me down. I shake really bad.

I can not control it.

This time it was fast. It woke me up in the middle of the night. Jeff just covered me with a blanket. I was holding Michael at the time.

It shouldn't happen again.

I know so weird.

Today I feel better mentally, I have had some good sleep.

But physically, I feel off.

Totally weird.

I am planning on taking a shower and resting. we will see.

My milk is finally in and little Michael is extremely pleased.

I am counting the days until Jeff returns to Susanville.

He will only be able to come back every 2 weeks.

He was not approved for the hardship transfer.

We didn't think it would happen, but we had to try.

So I get to do all this alone.

My mom will be here yes, but my sister is still hurting from her surgery and my other sister and my sister-in-law will and can deliver their babies any day.

She has to work and help my siblings so i understand I will be doing this mostly alone.

It makes me cry even now. and Now panic has set in.

Lots of prayers will be said and faith will be my closest companion.

I know with all my heart we were suppose to do all of this , this way, but it is so very hard.

Michael is snugging with daddy, Emma is begging for me and know as soon as I rest Michael will want me again.

A few more pictures of Michael Albert.

Nothin' New

Nope, just me.... about to complain.

So if you don't wanna hear it....don't read anymore.

I am so tired of being in pain.

I am so tired.

I am so tired of boys yelling and stressing out my mom and dad.

I am so tired of boys.

I am so tired of fat ugly swollen feet.

I am so tired of feeling fat.

I am so tired of people treating me like just a fat lady.

I am so tired of the going up and down the stairs.

I am so tired of stairs.

Okay, vent over....maybe....

I am missing Jeff fiercely.

I am wondering how we will do this after the baby comes.

He is gonna miss so much.

The first month they change so much.

Jeff is only staying for about 10 days after baby comes.

I feel bad for Jeff and totally questioning our decision to move.

We found out just last week from the new doctor that, my case wasn't as serious as they thought. I don't have pre-eclampsia, well as bad as they thought.

I do have protein in my urine, but the levels are not dangerously high levels, just close enough to start to worry. And the blood pressure medication they gave me worked more then they thought.

So mad about that.

Mostly because the doctor we got when we got her never bothered to tell us that.

Jeff didn't have to waste $90 on gas to come all the way up here every weekend.

We didn't have to uproot our whole family and could have waited until December to move to Sacramento.

We freaked out for nothing.

Unfortunately for me, the idea I had to "bed rest", was just a fantasy.

My mom has been so busy with other sisters and her calling in the church to help as much as I thought.

Which is fine. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all her help that she has been able to do. I understand, and since I am not as bad off as we thought, it all works out.

I just wish I was at my house, being lazy and super pregnant.

I wish I had my own space to yell at my kids f I need to.

I wish I had my dishes and house to ignore until Jeff got home to help.

I miss my own space.

I love my mom and think she is amazing.

I will NEVER be as great as she is.

She is like Mary Poppin's....Practically perfect in every way.

Now if you made it to the bottom of this post, either you were really bored to read as I whined about my not so horrible life, or you...nah, you must have been REALLY bored.

I never said I was perfect.

I have flaws.

But you knew that.

Due date!

My calculations were that I would be due September 23rd.

The first ultrasound they measured the size of the baby, (which I need to add, she had never used the machine but a few times, and really didn't know what she was doing, that is what she told me)...

Their due date is October 5th.

The size the baby is measuring now and has been measuring all along has been the same as my calculations...September 24th.

Well, after many doctors and appointments and explaining this whole thing to everyone, we finally have a birth date!

September 24th.

Noon.

We had to compromise. No tubes will be tied. (you haven't seen the misery I am in)

It is a Catholic Hospital and they had to approve it. It isn't within the 30 period from when I signed the papers for the tubal.

They approved it but, it just isn't within the 30 days. No budging.

So we are waiting on the tubes being tied.

I just can't be pregnant anymore.

I can't stand the pain and misery any longer.

YOU HAVENT SEEN MY FEET!

I can wait 7 more days, yes.

Anything after that, I might just have to really hurt someone.

I am so very excited.

One week from today....

One week from exactly right now I will be kissing my sweet baby's face.

I wonder who he will look like more.

Done

I am so done being pregnant.

I want this moving little creature out of my body.

Well, at the end of the day when I switch from, my mom's guest bed to my recliner/rocker chair I do REALLY wish it could be my last day being pregnant.

I can't sleep.

I am uncomfortable. My feet are ridiculously swollen. (I have freakishly skinny feet most days).

So I am so tired during the day and cranky and miserable.

As I watching the "Baby Story" and "Deliver Me" shows on TV, it gets worse.

I WANT MY BABY!

I want to hold him. And kiss him, and see what he looks like.

I want to use those cute clothes I bought and was given.

Blue is not my favorite color, but I can't wait to use all that blue!

And as I talked with my mom last night I realized.....

Maybe elephants have it right... 2 years gestation.

As soon as this baby comes out, my freedom to do things I want are lost for long time.

Do I really want the screaming, and the constant diapers, and crying, and exhaustion?

Part of me said no way, (too late now, I know)... but the other part of me said.... yes.

My mind went back to the sweet face I want to see.

My mind went back to the sweet faces who also came from me.

All 5 of those faces were worth all the screaming and crying, and diapers and long , long nights.

So bring it on.

Gimme my baby.

The time is now.

The bun in this oven is cooked.

The timer has gone off.

Stick a big ol' fork in me I am done.

Well give me until friday.

My mom prefers the weekend. It will be easier with the kids.

Love at home

Well, that is an understatement.

I am kidding.

It hasn't been easy living here.

Not bad.

And I have to remember I am very hormonal.

And sensitive.

My parents have been more than amazing.

We have communication issues that have to be used.

We have lived separate lives for so long and always trying to be polite or sensitive about ones feelings, that when we really need to talk about something, we don't.

We are working on it.

I have to let things go and not make a big deal about things my dad does or says.

I have to try harder around the house and to clean, which is really hard when bending over is an issue.

Dinner, I need to be in charge of it, since there are more of us than them. (which is easier than it looks, mom doesn't like all the stuff that I make.)

Dishes...is something I am more then willing to do, but don't get to it as fast as mom likes.

Yelling at the boys. ....well it has always been a vice of mine. I am working on it.

They are loud and boys and it is really hard to be patient with some of the stupid things that do.... like I said I am trying.

Other than that all is swell.

I hate my doctor and am trying to switch to a new one.

Almost ready for baby.

I need a few more big, but not so big things.

Bouncer

Diaper bag

nursing bras

and a few little items.

I made a list.

I wonder where it is.

Around here, you never know where it has gone.

Living at home with all my kids is not anything like it was when I was growing up.

Way harder and not as much fun.

My so called life

Okay, lots to type.

I might have to go and do dinner, read with boys and come back later.

So much to tell you.

My dad works for the state of CA too. He has to sit by his computer for a week for work. It is called "duty". He is the guy most of state agencies of California call if their radio or something goes out. He is the guy that wakes up a tech guy in the middle of the night to go an fix it.

A straight week.

Home all day. Boys have to be quiet.

Not fun for ANYONE!

So it started last Wednesday. The day after my sister went in for her lung collapsing.

Friday is when my life got really fun.

My sister Aimee went back to the ER. Emergency lung surgery.

Long story short. They had to cut off the top of her lung, it had some kind of blisters, (i forget the medical term for it). Basically, her lung has been slowly collapsing since last November. Which will explain the pain in her shoulder and back.

She is the strongest person I know.

Man, she is a trooper. She is home now, but I was pretty close to marching my self, swollen feet and all to the hospital to give 2 nurses their a piece of my mind. Another long story.

My mom yelled at them good and reported them for the conduct.

So while she was getting checked and prepped for surgery, we had all four of her boys.

A total of 8 boys.

With my dad on "Duty".

My sister Sarah came over to help with her 2 boys.

10 boys.

Loud< class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">hospital, and me supposedly on bed rest

Ha very funny. Like I could lay around with my sister in worse condition.

We made it through that night and on to Saturday.

That is when she had the night from Hell with the nurses who basically ignored her and her pleas of pain and suffering.

My other sister came over.

Then my Aunt and her granddaughter.

We had ... seriously ....12 boys, 8 adults, 3 girls, 3 dogs and 34 grilled cheese sandwiches. I believe it was 10 package of top ramen too.

My mom was trying to hold it in for all she could, she was worried about my ever swelling feet, my sister (most of all), getting some of her church calling done, my sisters boys another night (mostly how they were handling it with mommy and not really knowing what was going on).

I was sure she would have a nervous break down.

Everyone went home, house was clean and quiet, and I wanted to cry. I could barely help.

Sunday mom took the boys back home and then she stayed with my sister at the hospital so my brother in law could take care of his boys.

I made dinner, cleaned up the house and tried not to cry.

I was so tired.

I didn't even have a chance to get used to living her in Sacramento when all the craziness happened.

My feet are freakishly skinny. I say freakishly because the rest of my body, even when not pregnant, is not skinny.

At all.

Think cow. Moo.

So my feet heavy with water, like 5 lbs each. My mom has stairs. I am worried over my sister.

Jeff. money. the boys living and adjusting to grandma's house and grumpy grandpa, another new school, the baby and Jeff being gone.

I was mental and completely exhausted.

Still I had to endure.

I wondered why I even came to Sacramento.

I doubted our answered prayers. (only for a second)

then I was gently reminded (by a still small voice), that it was right.

Our original plan was to move Labor day weekend.

The weekend my sister was having surgery.

can you imagine the chaos if we had waited?

My mother would have gone insane.

If we had waited one week after Labor day weekend, we would not have come at all.

I would not have been able to move 3 weeks before my due date. I would have just said no. I would not have been able to find a doctor in Sacramento to take a 37 week high risk pregnant woman and give her a c-section too.

I know there is a reason we are here.

My life has not been in my plans since....well forever, but nothing i have wanted to happen this year in my way, has happened.

Today I got a root canal.

On top of all that was happening last week, i lost a filling and it has been torture all weekend.

With my Non-stress tests and doctors appointments, peeing in a 'hat" and pouring it into a jug for 24 hours, (not fun by the way) blood tests, the city driving, the rude people, totally different life style then my small town life.

With it all... I am okay.

if I can do this, I can do anything.

Bonus, boys are back in school, jeff is here for a few days, I see the doc on friday and maybe we will know what will happen with baby, tooth is better....things are okay.

Not great.

I have been here for 3 weeks and I still have not seen my sister Aimee.

Now the best part of having a baby.

prepping or nesting.

Washing the clothes, and buying all the little things.

I am sooooo excited to see this little guy.

I have picked his name, but no one but my mom knows.

I miss ALL of my Susanville friends like crazy.

I am probably not missed at all.

So now that dad is off "duty" I will be able to sit at the computer more often and bore you with...my so called life.

Sorry, it's so boring.

When it rains it pours

Man..... i wish I had something positive to say.

People are going to stop reading my blog .

It started out okay.

I mean this week.

Uneventful and crazy.

Well, it just was. People in and out...it is only Tuesday.

This morning I got everyone started on getting ready early.

We were out the door, fully dressed, fed and Miss Emma's hair done.

Yay!

I was almost to my sisters house. She was gonna watch the kids while I went to my bi-weekly Non-Stress test at the hospital.

That is when the day just went bad.

My mom called me and told me my sisters lung collapsed and she is being rushed to the ER. (I found out later that she really drove herself)

She couldn't watch the kids.

No biggie, my other sister was gonna. Over there we went. I had to get my blood pressure checked so I had to go the the NST.

I waited 20 minutes before they got me a bed.

Then I sat for 2 hours on one side, my hips were killing me. Ready to cry and so hungry. I finally ask if I can flip over.

They were trying to get a good "baseline" which means ... they need to find the regular heart rate of the baby. so the can measure where the irregular heat beats are if he has any.

He was being difficult.

I left starving and trying not to cry.

My brakes are grinding so loud I am afraid to drive. Get food.

I get the kids, get gas, and back home. the whole day was so exhausting, I practically pass out on the couch.

Thank goodness for my other sister....I have 3.

I love being home.

She came by after work and cooked dinner.

My mom was busy helping my sister in the hospital and then at her own doctors appointment. (another thing we all stressed over, but everything is fine)

Thank goodness for my sister. She got dinner going.

Now remember, they aren't letting me do much around here but fold clothes, my lunches and basically hold down the couch.

So for me to drive clear across town and do all these things, wore me out. I am not used to it.

Because I was at the hospital for 4 hours I missed lunch.

I love being in town.

Anyway, long story short...it was a very long day, of doctors and broken people.

Well, a lot of family I knew went to a doctor or is suffering.

My dad and 2 oldest boys are going to Susanville with my brother in law and his brother with 2 trucks and 2 trailers to get the rest of our crap...I mean stuff... to bring back to put in storage. Jeff is gonna drive his 4-runner home, (hopefully it will make it home.)

Sooooooo excited to see Jeff tomorrow. I haven't seen him since early Saturday morning.

It will be a short trip.

But he will be back next Monday night. He will drive back my Dad's better working 4-runner and use it to travel back and forth until the hardship transfer comes through or December when he finally does transfer home.

It is really weird to be here. It is like we are visiting, but then you really think about it and I am really home.

Did I mention that I REALLY miss Susanville?

Well I do.

And mostly the people that are there.

I may have a gymnast in my tummy. This kid will not give me a break.

Maybe he is telling me to go lay down, before my already swollen feet explode.