Venting

I have come to realize that maybe I should not be venting on this blog.
That is what I have been doing lately.
Just letting off some steam.
And I ALWAYS feel better when I am done venting.
I go back and read it and I feel even better. Great therapy.
Unfortunately, I have worried quite a few people with my venting.
No, it all probably isn't as dire as I felt it was hours ago.
I got some stuff done so I feel better.
I need to make a check list of things to get done and that alone will lift the stress level.
I really don't want to move to another house in town and then get the transfer papers and moved again...do you know what I mean?
Believe it or not....I do LOVE my boys.
I am grateful for them, they are not all that bad.
I miss them when they are at school. I thank the Lord for my kids every night. And not just Emma.
I know to some people who are not able to have kids or have any more kids, I sounded down right horrible. For that I am truly sorry.
My boys are hard. And probably just hard for me. Four boys in a row IS hard.
I want them to be a certain way...cleaner, nicer (mostly to each other), helpful and most of the time they are not.
No matter how hard I have tried or what ever I have tried to do to get them to be cleaner, and nicer, and more helpful.
That is where I get frustrated. It builds up and I explode.
On my blog.
I really hot people realize I am not a naive as I sound.
I mean, I know what it sounded like a few days ago...it sounded like depression...and it was there.
But it is not today.
I can't explain whyor how it happened... I am pinning it on divine intervention...but I am just not sad anymore.
Honest, hand on a stack of Bibles and Books of Mormon!!!! I swear!!!!
I am bummed...but that is as far as it goes. I will mention all of this to my doctor. Don't worry.
I know Emma will be very protected and adored and spoiled by her Dad and brothers...and boy cousins... (there will be 18 boys on that side now).
That I am a little worried about, I will admit. Just because I don't want her to be a brat.
I hope I have made all who was worried feel better.
I am grateful to you, those of you who expressed your worries. You have no idea how it touched my heart.
I am truly and honestly doing great.
It isn't what I planned, but it is still good.
I am good.
I will try not to vent so hard. I will still be honest...(why lie?)
But I will try to hold some back...I'll just save it for Jeff.
Poor guy.