Vocabulary Lesson

Okay, your word of the day....

BRAT:
1. someone who cries for days over something she can't change and didn't know she always wanted what she got.
2. someone who had a tantrum and is mean and rotten to everyone; says the meanest things she really doesn't mean, but is so mad and regrets it all days later.
3. someone who blogs about, publicly.
other names; Katie Bigney

So it hit me like a ton of bricks last night, and I have felt nothing but bad and guilty since.
I just want to hang my head in shame.
I am almost embarrassed to show my face.
I realized what a twerp, brat, a spoiled brat at that, I was being.
Why wasn't I grateful I was having my 6th baby I knew I was suppose to have?
Why wasn't I happy it was a boy, after all the other wonderful boys I was given before?
The answers are simple.
Because I was a big spoiled brat.
I wanted something i wasn't in charge of and had a big ol' tantrum.
I totally understand if you want to disinherit me as a friend.
Who'd want this drama queen around all the time, never knowing when she will "get mad" again if she doesn't get her way.
This has humbled me. So much I can't even tell you.
Actually I can and will. (because I am me, and I do that)
I will try to explain it the best way I can....
I realized, through the help of some emails and some comments and advice from the best person in the world...my mom.
I won't tell you what they said, (it's private), but I will say, it MADE me really take in what I have got.
No, it isn't exactly what I was planning on, but that is life.
It made me really open my eyes and see how underneath all the gross-ness and grime, and mostly disgusting-ness, they are my favorite people.
I really changed the tone around here.
I am not as worried about the mess, and I am enjoying them more.
I have said before I wanted 6 kids. And I joked that, so everyone will have a friend to sit with on the Disneyland rides.
Well, I was blinded by brat-ness and didn't see it, we all still do. An even 8 peoples int he family. Each one of us will still always have a friend.
I sincerely apologize for my bratty-ness.
Hopefully I will have learned from this and it will never happen again.
My brother joked about getting me a licence plate cover when I was a teen that said:
"I'm not a brat! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!!!!"
Well, I am not anymore.