Yes, I said Humbug.
It is just the way I feel.
My house is a mess, I have ten thousand loads of laundry.
My tree isn't decorated.
Heck, it isn't even have lights on it.
I guess I finally understand why growing up my mom got so cranky before Christmas. (if I posted a post like this last year, I apologize, I don't have time to time this blog let alone check past posts)
As we speak, I have yet to do my traditional teacher gift, with home made white chocolate dips pretzels and snowman marshmallow candy, with other blue and silver candies to go with my blue and silver snowflake gift bags or boxes, including a snowflake ornament.
Yes, I do blue and white and snow. Why?
Well, one of these Christmas seasons, my kids will end up with a teacher who doesn't believe in Christmas or is Jewish, so I started playing it safe with blue and snowman stuff. More of a seasons greetings.
Honestly, I can;t believe I am here typing, it is 8:57pm and my boys are playing outside, I have hair pretties to make, teacher gifts (thank goodness for High school and Jr. High, on 2 teachers this year) I also have to make Lemon Squares for my Nathan to take to a pot luck for tomorrow. I just finished eating...sort of my dinner. Thank goodness for the goobers who were home when the pot roast went off on the timer,t they never took it out of the oven...but they did turn off the oven.
Even bribing my kids with money for "babysitting" each other whilst I shop for Christmas cheer, gets them to help me out around here!
That's right.
Christmas Cheer.
That is what all this work and time and effort are for.
That good old, dumb magical Christmas Cheer that isn't even appreciated until they are grown up with obnoxious, ungrateful teenagers of their very own.
I here by shout to the world.
" MOM,I AM SO SORRY I WAS AND UNGRATEFUL OBNOXIOUS TEENAGER"
I do know deep.....deeep.....deeep down, they are grateful.
And I do know in the very end, which is 5 minutes after the presents are opened, it is allllll worth it.
Kinda.
I am grateful that the stress of purchasing gifts this year was not there at all. Getting the right thing was.
I am soooo grateful for my husband who worked extra over time to pay for the Christmas....(all CASH!).
Thanks babe.
Wow, I did it, I actually posted. I....hope I can post a picture of our Tree and the kids soon.
Who am I kidding.....I will be lucky, if I make it over here until next year.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Christmas Cards
Does anyone still do Christmas cards? I no longer make them from scraps of paper, taking that extra time and love.
This year we have opted to not do it at all.
Well, not a card, but a CD of some of our favorite Christmas songs.
(well, this year, it is some new songs and old songs I LOVE)
The postage to send these suckers out will be the same as doing a picture card and ordering it from Wal-mart.
If you want one, send me your address via email and I will send you one.
I hope everyone likes this one this year, it is a bit different then years past.
I love Christmas music.
This year a asked Jeff if I could start listening to it the day after Halloween.
Of course, I didn't wait for his answer and I started looking for new versions to my favorite Christmas songs.
I wouldn't be offended if anyone gave it away, or even threw it in the trash.
It is different.
But if you know me at all, I am one of those criers. The ones who cant sing at church, because the words of the hymns hit the core of my heart and I start to ball. I mean, like need a tissue kind of a cry.
I have to mouth the words and pretend so my kids will sing.
It is the same with Christmas songs.
I have such a huge testimony of Jesus Christ and his love for me and all of us on this earth. And when almost every song is about Him.... the tears can't be held back.
So...... I went a little rock and roll this year.
Maybe a little too much.
There is some funki-ness too.
I like all kinds of music. (except Gangster rap)
Why am I so nervous about this CD?
I hope everyone gives this a chance and listen to it more than once.
Maybe a few times.
It only took Jeff 3 or 4 times listening to 'tobymac' to love it like I do.
If you want one, email me your address.
If you hate it when you get it, I am truly sorry....but I love it.
EVERY SINGLE SONG!!!
This year we have opted to not do it at all.
Well, not a card, but a CD of some of our favorite Christmas songs.
(well, this year, it is some new songs and old songs I LOVE)
The postage to send these suckers out will be the same as doing a picture card and ordering it from Wal-mart.
If you want one, send me your address via email and I will send you one.
I hope everyone likes this one this year, it is a bit different then years past.
I love Christmas music.
This year a asked Jeff if I could start listening to it the day after Halloween.
Of course, I didn't wait for his answer and I started looking for new versions to my favorite Christmas songs.
I wouldn't be offended if anyone gave it away, or even threw it in the trash.
It is different.
But if you know me at all, I am one of those criers. The ones who cant sing at church, because the words of the hymns hit the core of my heart and I start to ball. I mean, like need a tissue kind of a cry.
I have to mouth the words and pretend so my kids will sing.
It is the same with Christmas songs.
I have such a huge testimony of Jesus Christ and his love for me and all of us on this earth. And when almost every song is about Him.... the tears can't be held back.
So...... I went a little rock and roll this year.
Maybe a little too much.
There is some funki-ness too.
I like all kinds of music. (except Gangster rap)
Why am I so nervous about this CD?
I hope everyone gives this a chance and listen to it more than once.
Maybe a few times.
It only took Jeff 3 or 4 times listening to 'tobymac' to love it like I do.
If you want one, email me your address.
If you hate it when you get it, I am truly sorry....but I love it.
EVERY SINGLE SONG!!!
Happy.
I am happy.
I am.
It is almost unreal.
I have lived so long being depressed I am not sure how to even proceed.
I have been thinking about it for days.
I even said to my aunt, "I am happy, but it feels weird to be so happy."
I mean, lets get real, there is the everyday stuff...."am I a good mother?"
or "it is my fault we are ave have not bought a house yet." (I have impulse control issues and, well, you figure it out)
But other then doubting myself a few times a day, I am happy.
I don't sit around wallowing in self pity. (I am not eating as much too.)
It is simple.
We have enough for our needs, we are healthy, Jeff has a pretty secure job.
Someone asked me, "Arent you waiting for the bottom for fall out?"
Yes, I am.
But I dont wallow.
I just set it aside to think about tomorrow.
I just try to do the best I can for that day and hope the bottom doesn't fall out along the way.
Speaking of bottoms, mine is quite large.
I am finally ready to do something about it.
Unfortunately, it is December, and a great time of my favorite foods and goodies.
Isn't January the time of renewly and starting over?
That sounds good, January.
Maybe by Summer, I will have a less large bottom.
I am.
It is almost unreal.
I have lived so long being depressed I am not sure how to even proceed.
I have been thinking about it for days.
I even said to my aunt, "I am happy, but it feels weird to be so happy."
I mean, lets get real, there is the everyday stuff...."am I a good mother?"
or "it is my fault we are ave have not bought a house yet." (I have impulse control issues and, well, you figure it out)
But other then doubting myself a few times a day, I am happy.
I don't sit around wallowing in self pity. (I am not eating as much too.)
It is simple.
We have enough for our needs, we are healthy, Jeff has a pretty secure job.
Someone asked me, "Arent you waiting for the bottom for fall out?"
Yes, I am.
But I dont wallow.
I just set it aside to think about tomorrow.
I just try to do the best I can for that day and hope the bottom doesn't fall out along the way.
Speaking of bottoms, mine is quite large.
I am finally ready to do something about it.
Unfortunately, it is December, and a great time of my favorite foods and goodies.
Isn't January the time of renewly and starting over?
That sounds good, January.
Maybe by Summer, I will have a less large bottom.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
excited.
looking forward to October.
anyone else?
I've got LDS General Conference this weekend, (you can watch it on BYU TV if you've got Dish or Cable or here).
I have birthdays out the wazoo and Time Out for Women in a few weeks, more birthdays and then my birthday and my second favorite day of the year.....HALLOWEEN!!!!!!
Good time to be had!
I LOVE IT!!!!
anyone else?
I've got LDS General Conference this weekend, (you can watch it on BYU TV if you've got Dish or Cable or here).
I have birthdays out the wazoo and Time Out for Women in a few weeks, more birthdays and then my birthday and my second favorite day of the year.....HALLOWEEN!!!!!!
Good time to be had!
I LOVE IT!!!!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
this is how my brain works.
I noticed something today.
and it took 30 seconds to figure it out!
YOU DO READ MY BLOG!!!!!!!
in that 1 minute and 30 seconds (so far) I have suddenly put a few more pieces of a puzzle in my brain together.
Now, I just instantly thought.."if they read it, they must like me!"
but the doubt in my brain chimes in almost instantly, dashes any hope and says...."they may or may not like you. but they still read it"
yes, this twisted and sometimes forgetful....what was I talking about? .......
....um.....uh.......and always....SQUIRREL.....A.D.D. brain of mine works.
I have voices.
I know I meantioned it before and because of medication.....the bad ones stay at bay
....but my voices of late have wondered if there was a point to blog and even if I blogged what would I blog about...?
so i decided to blog lurk...... and finally I...
I went to a cousins blog and I saw a picture of my grandparnets, which is also on this blog and it made me think about who really reads it and now I am back to my point......
YOU LIKE ME YOU REALLY, REALLY LIKE ME! (name that movie or is it awards show....first or second.)
this is how my brain works.
Now, I didnt add the mundane-ness of my life, like how my mind wondered about 10 times to 10 different things and how my head hurts and I need to feed my kids, but I can't tear myself away from this blog and train of thought to do anything about it..... I wont mention the actual squirrel or the voices ....yes, they laugh at me all the time.......
and again, i say this......if you ever wondered about why I am the way I am.....
this is how my brain works.
and my head hurts and I dont wanna spell check.
you would not believe the amount of words and things I was gonna say and didnt cause I forgot them.
I will remember them later and edit.....maybe....if i remember.
I hope I made you smile.
if anyone actually reads this....
and it took 30 seconds to figure it out!
YOU DO READ MY BLOG!!!!!!!
in that 1 minute and 30 seconds (so far) I have suddenly put a few more pieces of a puzzle in my brain together.
Now, I just instantly thought.."if they read it, they must like me!"
but the doubt in my brain chimes in almost instantly, dashes any hope and says...."they may or may not like you. but they still read it"
yes, this twisted and sometimes forgetful....what was I talking about? .......
....um.....uh.......and always....SQUIRREL.....A.D.D. brain of mine works.
I have voices.
I know I meantioned it before and because of medication.....the bad ones stay at bay
....but my voices of late have wondered if there was a point to blog and even if I blogged what would I blog about...?
so i decided to blog lurk...... and finally I...
I went to a cousins blog and I saw a picture of my grandparnets, which is also on this blog and it made me think about who really reads it and now I am back to my point......
YOU LIKE ME YOU REALLY, REALLY LIKE ME! (name that movie or is it awards show....first or second.)
this is how my brain works.
Now, I didnt add the mundane-ness of my life, like how my mind wondered about 10 times to 10 different things and how my head hurts and I need to feed my kids, but I can't tear myself away from this blog and train of thought to do anything about it..... I wont mention the actual squirrel or the voices ....yes, they laugh at me all the time.......
and again, i say this......if you ever wondered about why I am the way I am.....
this is how my brain works.
and my head hurts and I dont wanna spell check.
you would not believe the amount of words and things I was gonna say and didnt cause I forgot them.
I will remember them later and edit.....maybe....if i remember.
I hope I made you smile.
if anyone actually reads this....
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Can you believe it!!!!?
Okay, so my sister had a request for her wedding this weekend.
She wants old sepia toned pictures of our family on their wedding day to sit in brass frames on the tables along with the center pieces.
so it became my job, (I don't sew, Aimee does... you do the math) to find these pictures and get them printed and framed.
I had to dig out my album and pull out my already scrapbooked "when scrapbooking was new to me 13 years ago" wedding album and find and scan my pictures.
I feel so .....
I don't know how to describe it but..... OLD!!!!!!
No, I am not that old, not even 40 yet. (37 thank you very much)
But I feel old. and if you feel old......
I dont feel the wise old, or the crusty old.... just not hip with the times old.
BLeh!!!!!!
I do have some great pictures of my family to share. I am gonna try and post them.
(My computer hasn't been friendly with me lately. probably because I am old..... and old.)
Engagement pictures of my sister Sarah and finance Ryan
My Paternal Grandparents
Jeff and I
Jeff and I
Aimee and Tyler on Actual Wedding Day 1995
My Parents - Jerry and Susi
They look so young!
She wants old sepia toned pictures of our family on their wedding day to sit in brass frames on the tables along with the center pieces.
so it became my job, (I don't sew, Aimee does... you do the math) to find these pictures and get them printed and framed.
I had to dig out my album and pull out my already scrapbooked "when scrapbooking was new to me 13 years ago" wedding album and find and scan my pictures.
I feel so .....
I don't know how to describe it but..... OLD!!!!!!
No, I am not that old, not even 40 yet. (37 thank you very much)
But I feel old. and if you feel old......
I dont feel the wise old, or the crusty old.... just not hip with the times old.
BLeh!!!!!!
I do have some great pictures of my family to share. I am gonna try and post them.
(My computer hasn't been friendly with me lately. probably because I am old..... and old.)
my brother Shane and his bride Jami
Engagement pictures of my sister Sarah and finance RyanMy Grandparents
Melvin and Marion
My Paternal Grandparents
Glen and Eva
Jeff and I
Jeff and I
My sister Aimee and her husband Tyler on their Sealing Day.
(they were Sealed in the Oakland Temple. Questions? see Mormon.org)
Aimee and Tyler on Actual Wedding Day 1995
My Parents - Jerry and Susi
They look so young!
I still need one from my sister Sarah on her wedding day.
Working on that. I will edit and add that when I get it.
ah...... To be so in love....... and OLD!!!!!
I can't believe my baby sister is getting married!!!! See...why do you think I feel old!!!!
But we are so very excited and we love him. He just fits into out family so well.
Congrats Carrie!!!!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
a minute....or two
I only have a minute or two to type.
I have been very busy.
The boys are back in school, I watch a little girl 4 days a week, my sister Carrie is getting married in less than 2 weeks and my goal is to make Jeff very happy. (a little birdie suggested he wasn't happy)
Now to do all of this I have to be very organized.
I have changed my whole house around to do this.
To make more room for my stuff that is in JEFF's garage, to be moved into the house. (you know, cause it isn't my garage, I am just allowed to do laundry in it. Am I a little bitter about this statement? um...yes.)
To keep up with this organization I am constantly on the go.
Okay, so maybe not constantly. But I have the changed the rules around here in regards to the boys. I am not as laid back with them. They have walked all over me all summer.
No worries, I am still the relaxed, laid back kind of girl I always was, but I have laid down the law with the boys. Jeff wants me to make them do push ups if they break a rule.
Sorry honey, NOT happening. But they CAN NOT play outside with their friends, play video games, or watch TV if they break a rule.
And if these friends come to the door, the boys fully aware that they are grounded still ask if they can play, I yell really loud..." NO THEY CAN'T!!! They are grounded, tell them to stop being dorks and stop breaking rules in the house! Then they can play!"
Sometimes, it feels VERY good to say NO!
It seems to be working.
Mikey is almost two and VERY terrible which is making my life hard.
Emma is moody and girlie but, loves having another little girl here. She is learning to play with other people and learning to share.
By the way....
I have made Jeff very happy. (he told me so)
And once my sister Carrie gets married... I am hoping life gets back to where it should be.
I do LOVE the organized house I now live in. (Which I need to say, was my goal all along after I got back from girls camp and I still have to concur the linen closet and kitchen cabinets which hard to do with little ones all around)
okay, so that was more than 2 minutes, but if you only knew what was happening while I was typing...or what I now have to clean up......why do they have to be so loud and messy.
P.S. anyone know where my lens is? It fell out of my glasses yesterday and I can't find it anywhere.
I have been very busy.
The boys are back in school, I watch a little girl 4 days a week, my sister Carrie is getting married in less than 2 weeks and my goal is to make Jeff very happy. (a little birdie suggested he wasn't happy)
Now to do all of this I have to be very organized.
I have changed my whole house around to do this.
To make more room for my stuff that is in JEFF's garage, to be moved into the house. (you know, cause it isn't my garage, I am just allowed to do laundry in it. Am I a little bitter about this statement? um...yes.)
To keep up with this organization I am constantly on the go.
Okay, so maybe not constantly. But I have the changed the rules around here in regards to the boys. I am not as laid back with them. They have walked all over me all summer.
No worries, I am still the relaxed, laid back kind of girl I always was, but I have laid down the law with the boys. Jeff wants me to make them do push ups if they break a rule.
Sorry honey, NOT happening. But they CAN NOT play outside with their friends, play video games, or watch TV if they break a rule.
And if these friends come to the door, the boys fully aware that they are grounded still ask if they can play, I yell really loud..." NO THEY CAN'T!!! They are grounded, tell them to stop being dorks and stop breaking rules in the house! Then they can play!"
Sometimes, it feels VERY good to say NO!
It seems to be working.
Mikey is almost two and VERY terrible which is making my life hard.
Emma is moody and girlie but, loves having another little girl here. She is learning to play with other people and learning to share.
By the way....
I have made Jeff very happy. (he told me so)
And once my sister Carrie gets married... I am hoping life gets back to where it should be.
I do LOVE the organized house I now live in. (Which I need to say, was my goal all along after I got back from girls camp and I still have to concur the linen closet and kitchen cabinets which hard to do with little ones all around)
okay, so that was more than 2 minutes, but if you only knew what was happening while I was typing...or what I now have to clean up......why do they have to be so loud and messy.
P.S. anyone know where my lens is? It fell out of my glasses yesterday and I can't find it anywhere.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Routine
Routines.
Everyone needs rountine, right.
I have a routine.
I love my summer routine.
Cause it changes everyday.
I loved sleeping until whenever we all got up.
I loved just sitting and watching cartoons with the kids until I couldn't stand the mess anymore and we cleaned it all up.
I loved being able to do whatever and when ever we wanted.
but now that school is back in session, we have to get a routine going.
I need the routine.
and Emma needs the routine.
She will be in kindergarten next year. Wow!
she will have the routine.
None of my kids were ever really on a routine.
I am not sure if that is a good thing or not.
Some may say yes, but in my gut I say not really.
Yes, structure is good.
But my kids are easy to adjust to things. Change comes easy and they adjust fast. It isn't the end of the world if they have to change the day.
But then, they might be more disciplined if I had stuck to a routine.
Oh well, if anyone has any tips on how to get better on this awful word...ROUTINE.... it hurts just to type it...
Never mind. I will just wing it. See that's me.
I DO NOT like big change....but a little is always good.
Everyone needs rountine, right.
I have a routine.
I love my summer routine.
Cause it changes everyday.
I loved sleeping until whenever we all got up.
I loved just sitting and watching cartoons with the kids until I couldn't stand the mess anymore and we cleaned it all up.
I loved being able to do whatever and when ever we wanted.
but now that school is back in session, we have to get a routine going.
I need the routine.
and Emma needs the routine.
She will be in kindergarten next year. Wow!
she will have the routine.
None of my kids were ever really on a routine.
I am not sure if that is a good thing or not.
Some may say yes, but in my gut I say not really.
Yes, structure is good.
But my kids are easy to adjust to things. Change comes easy and they adjust fast. It isn't the end of the world if they have to change the day.
But then, they might be more disciplined if I had stuck to a routine.
Oh well, if anyone has any tips on how to get better on this awful word...ROUTINE.... it hurts just to type it...
Never mind. I will just wing it. See that's me.
I DO NOT like big change....but a little is always good.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Failed
I have failed as a mother and a scrapbooker!!!!!
I forgot to take the first day of school pictures!!!!
No, do not argue with me and disagree.
I know better.
I have been taking them the first day of school for 10 years.
10 years!!!!!!!!
I will try and post some of the handsome boys that live here as soon as they come home from school clean...okay, so almost as clean as when they left, which isn't saying much, because half the time I have to make them change their clothes, because "they have nothing to wear"and put on dirty smelly clothes that they wore the day before!
We put all the kids clothes in one room.
Yep that is right. One room Just dressers and a closet full of Sunday wear and dresses.
All the boys in one room and Emma and Michael in another room. No one has dressers or baskets of clothes and I can tell you for a fact their room still isn't clean!!!!!
It is an improvement and their rooms just have blankets and pillows and the never allowed drink cups and food crumbs on the floor.
It does make life easier until I hear the dreaded.... "I have nothing to wear!"
We also made a few changes and since they no longer clean their room by throwing all the dirty clothes for me to wash out in the garage, they have certain days set aside for them to wash their own clothes. I have 3 laundry baskets with 2 kids names on each to share. Emma and Michael, Caleb and Sam, and Matt and Nate.
They are in charge of their own washing and drying of the clothes in said basket. I am in heaven.
I am still doing laundry from the big "super duper move furniture clean up the house" day.
The mountain was beyond control. Jeff took pity on me and got it under control. It was too overwhelming for me. Plus, he was already cleaning his precious garage.
I weed through the clothes as I fold them.
I sorted 11 (13 gallon size) bags, 3 boxes, and 5 storage containers of clothes. I got it all down to 3 storage containers in Emma's closet and 4 storage containers in the boys closet, plus 2 small boxes. (mostly winter and Mikey, Emma, Caleb and Sam's hand me downs)
We got rid of 13 (13 gallon size) bags of clothes.
We are planning on getting even more organized and cleaning out my closet and room. (which will in turn help Jeff organize his garage.)
I know amazing.
Because of this I failed.
I forgot the pictures.
I didn't get everything back into it right place until a few days later.
Oh well.
I will do it soon and probably post the pictures on my private family blog.
If, I can get them to stand with each other I will try for a group shot, (it is never easy and never very fun) I will post the group shot here.
*deep sigh*
After a long conversation with my mom, we figured out that boys are not easier to raise then girls.
Yes, they might have less stuff, but they still cry like girls.
I forgot to take the first day of school pictures!!!!
No, do not argue with me and disagree.
I know better.
I have been taking them the first day of school for 10 years.
10 years!!!!!!!!
I will try and post some of the handsome boys that live here as soon as they come home from school clean...okay, so almost as clean as when they left, which isn't saying much, because half the time I have to make them change their clothes, because "they have nothing to wear"and put on dirty smelly clothes that they wore the day before!
We put all the kids clothes in one room.
Yep that is right. One room Just dressers and a closet full of Sunday wear and dresses.
All the boys in one room and Emma and Michael in another room. No one has dressers or baskets of clothes and I can tell you for a fact their room still isn't clean!!!!!
It is an improvement and their rooms just have blankets and pillows and the never allowed drink cups and food crumbs on the floor.
It does make life easier until I hear the dreaded.... "I have nothing to wear!"
We also made a few changes and since they no longer clean their room by throwing all the dirty clothes for me to wash out in the garage, they have certain days set aside for them to wash their own clothes. I have 3 laundry baskets with 2 kids names on each to share. Emma and Michael, Caleb and Sam, and Matt and Nate.
They are in charge of their own washing and drying of the clothes in said basket. I am in heaven.
I am still doing laundry from the big "super duper move furniture clean up the house" day.
The mountain was beyond control. Jeff took pity on me and got it under control. It was too overwhelming for me. Plus, he was already cleaning his precious garage.
I weed through the clothes as I fold them.
I LOVE THROWING THINGS AWAY!
I sorted 11 (13 gallon size) bags, 3 boxes, and 5 storage containers of clothes. I got it all down to 3 storage containers in Emma's closet and 4 storage containers in the boys closet, plus 2 small boxes. (mostly winter and Mikey, Emma, Caleb and Sam's hand me downs)
We got rid of 13 (13 gallon size) bags of clothes.
We are planning on getting even more organized and cleaning out my closet and room. (which will in turn help Jeff organize his garage.)
I know amazing.
Because of this I failed.
I forgot the pictures.
I didn't get everything back into it right place until a few days later.
Oh well.
I will do it soon and probably post the pictures on my private family blog.
If, I can get them to stand with each other I will try for a group shot, (it is never easy and never very fun) I will post the group shot here.
*deep sigh*
After a long conversation with my mom, we figured out that boys are not easier to raise then girls.
Yes, they might have less stuff, but they still cry like girls.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
First
Today is the first day of school.
I miss them.....a little.
It nice to have the quiet.
Kinda.
I like the noise.
Pardon me, I had to stop blogging and change a smelly diaper.
I still have noise.
As of this very moment, I have a screaming almost 2 year old on my floor. He didn't want me to put a new diaper on him. (I hope this means easy potty training when it comes time) as for now, I know it means he really just wants to be naked.
Today, I am watching a darling little girl named Katie. True story.
She is playing with Emma. And it is fabulous.
They love to color and play playdoh, and play with my hair.
I love it.
And Emma gets the interaction with other people besides her brothers and boys cousins. That's right she gets girl time. Which she will need when she does start school.
I haven't decided if it is gonna be this year or skip preschool all together. Sammy did and he is doing great in school. As great as a little boy can be.
yep, Mikey is still screaming.
I tried, offering Pretzel fishes, I tried Momma loves, and I tried shoes (his all time favorite) I think he misses the boys.
We decided last week to go back to Susanville for a mini vacation and visit our good friends up there. We had a blast.
And yesterday we had a last minute mini-mini day trip to Dillon's beach. We didn't get there until almost lunch time and left at 4pm.
Mikey update - Finally, he stopped screaming. (Emma even told him to stop, i guess she couldn't take it anymore.) He got a drink and went outside. Only to come back in after 5 minutes, squealing about a smashed fruit snack on his foot. I guess it was an emergency. Soooo loud this child.
Yes, he is the baby and a tad bit spoiled....okay, a lot spoiled. But it is not just me that does all the spoiling. He has 6 other people who give him what he wants all the time!!!! okay so really only 5, Emma doesn't like sharing.
Back to the beach trip. The boys didn't mind going for such a short day trip. They had lots of fun.
As soon as we got home and I cut our Little Caesars Pizza into smaller portions, changed my beach clothes and scarfed down a few pieces, I left with Caleb and Nathan, to buy new school shoes. I love Ross. I got 4 pairs of school shoes for $97. I originally bought 4 new backpacks at Costco, but when I found out the boys didn't need new backpacks, I had Jeff take them back, and I got new shoes instead.
I haven't even touched the school supply list. and I missed the sophomore orientation meeting, and 8th grade meeting. So my boys will be at school supply-less. I did make them lunch.
I have goals while the boys are at school.
catch up on my soaps, eat bon bons, Get in a nap....nah, i am kidding. I have so much organizing to do.... no really, my husband just told me so.
First a quick cleaning....who am I kidding.... quick.
1 house, 4 bedrooms, living room, family room, kitchen, 2 bathrooms, and 6 kids.....I wonder if I will get to blog again.
no worries, I will.
I miss them.....a little.
It nice to have the quiet.
Kinda.
I like the noise.
Pardon me, I had to stop blogging and change a smelly diaper.
I still have noise.
As of this very moment, I have a screaming almost 2 year old on my floor. He didn't want me to put a new diaper on him. (I hope this means easy potty training when it comes time) as for now, I know it means he really just wants to be naked.
Today, I am watching a darling little girl named Katie. True story.
She is playing with Emma. And it is fabulous.
They love to color and play playdoh, and play with my hair.
I love it.
And Emma gets the interaction with other people besides her brothers and boys cousins. That's right she gets girl time. Which she will need when she does start school.
I haven't decided if it is gonna be this year or skip preschool all together. Sammy did and he is doing great in school. As great as a little boy can be.
yep, Mikey is still screaming.
I tried, offering Pretzel fishes, I tried Momma loves, and I tried shoes (his all time favorite) I think he misses the boys.
We decided last week to go back to Susanville for a mini vacation and visit our good friends up there. We had a blast.
And yesterday we had a last minute mini-mini day trip to Dillon's beach. We didn't get there until almost lunch time and left at 4pm.
Mikey update - Finally, he stopped screaming. (Emma even told him to stop, i guess she couldn't take it anymore.) He got a drink and went outside. Only to come back in after 5 minutes, squealing about a smashed fruit snack on his foot. I guess it was an emergency. Soooo loud this child.
Yes, he is the baby and a tad bit spoiled....okay, a lot spoiled. But it is not just me that does all the spoiling. He has 6 other people who give him what he wants all the time!!!! okay so really only 5, Emma doesn't like sharing.
Back to the beach trip. The boys didn't mind going for such a short day trip. They had lots of fun.
As soon as we got home and I cut our Little Caesars Pizza into smaller portions, changed my beach clothes and scarfed down a few pieces, I left with Caleb and Nathan, to buy new school shoes. I love Ross. I got 4 pairs of school shoes for $97. I originally bought 4 new backpacks at Costco, but when I found out the boys didn't need new backpacks, I had Jeff take them back, and I got new shoes instead.
I haven't even touched the school supply list. and I missed the sophomore orientation meeting, and 8th grade meeting. So my boys will be at school supply-less. I did make them lunch.
I have goals while the boys are at school.
catch up on my soaps, eat bon bons, Get in a nap....nah, i am kidding. I have so much organizing to do.... no really, my husband just told me so.
First a quick cleaning....who am I kidding.... quick.
1 house, 4 bedrooms, living room, family room, kitchen, 2 bathrooms, and 6 kids.....I wonder if I will get to blog again.
no worries, I will.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Can you believe it!?
**Edited***
No, It is not a joke.
I am posting again.
I am not sure I should share this.....
ah, who am I kidding. I am and I will.
Okay, so a few weeks ago, we got a letter.
It was telling us another letter would be coming and it would cause a rift in a relationship. Ruin it forever.
Well, I decided then and there I would just not read it.
We would "return to sender".
Whatever was in that letter wasn't going to change anything. (we did however, write a letter in response)
I spent the next 14 or so days wallowing in self pity.
No, it was really bad. I mean "thoughts of taking too much Tylenol" kind of bad.
I couldn't and wouldn't ever. No worries.
The faces of my children suffering from my decision to end my life alone whipped me back into shape.
I didn't want to leave the house, I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to pray or read my scriptures..... I just didn't want to do anything except watch my NETFLIX obsession....McLeods Daughters. (230ish episodes of the Australian life on a Station...my dream, my heaven)
Then the letter that was "return to sender" returned to me.
As my phone died while talking to my mother, I decided to write an email to this letter writer and tell her what for. ....then..... I decided to read it.
Yes, i did. and do you know what......?
It made me soooooo MAD!!!!!!!
I am the kind of girl who says, "oh really, girls cant do .....(fill in the blank)"
I decided then and there I was not the person the letter writer thinks I am.
I am a good person...no great person!!!!
and Poo on them for thinkin' that way.
The friendship/relationship I spent years developing and trying to take care of was just slapped back in my face.
No, I am not perfect.
I have never even thought that I was perfect.
Oh well, I feel better than I have in a long time. All the doubt I was feeling is gone. I have new hope on the horizon.
I can't explain any more than that.
3 things you should know about me.....
1. I try to always think the best of people.
2. I would never make anyone feel bad about them selves no matter what.
3. Even if I did feel strongly of something about anyone, I would NEVER EVER tell them. (see 1 and 2)
So...how"s life for you guys.
I lost my glasses. and have spring cleaned my entire house looking for them.
think good thoughts.
***Edited***
I had to edit to explain something. I hope that helped. If not read the comments.
No, It is not a joke.
I am posting again.
I am not sure I should share this.....
ah, who am I kidding. I am and I will.
Okay, so a few weeks ago, we got a letter.
It was telling us another letter would be coming and it would cause a rift in a relationship. Ruin it forever.
Well, I decided then and there I would just not read it.
We would "return to sender".
Whatever was in that letter wasn't going to change anything. (we did however, write a letter in response)
I spent the next 14 or so days wallowing in self pity.
No, it was really bad. I mean "thoughts of taking too much Tylenol" kind of bad.
I couldn't and wouldn't ever. No worries.
The faces of my children suffering from my decision to end my life alone whipped me back into shape.
I didn't want to leave the house, I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to pray or read my scriptures..... I just didn't want to do anything except watch my NETFLIX obsession....McLeods Daughters. (230ish episodes of the Australian life on a Station...my dream, my heaven)
Then the letter that was "return to sender" returned to me.
As my phone died while talking to my mother, I decided to write an email to this letter writer and tell her what for. ....then..... I decided to read it.
Yes, i did. and do you know what......?
It made me soooooo MAD!!!!!!!
I am the kind of girl who says, "oh really, girls cant do .....(fill in the blank)"
I decided then and there I was not the person the letter writer thinks I am.
I am a good person...no great person!!!!
and Poo on them for thinkin' that way.
The friendship/relationship I spent years developing and trying to take care of was just slapped back in my face.
No, I am not perfect.
I have never even thought that I was perfect.
Oh well, I feel better than I have in a long time. All the doubt I was feeling is gone. I have new hope on the horizon.
I can't explain any more than that.
3 things you should know about me.....
1. I try to always think the best of people.
2. I would never make anyone feel bad about them selves no matter what.
3. Even if I did feel strongly of something about anyone, I would NEVER EVER tell them. (see 1 and 2)
So...how"s life for you guys.
I lost my glasses. and have spring cleaned my entire house looking for them.
think good thoughts.
***Edited***
I had to edit to explain something. I hope that helped. If not read the comments.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Okay
I decided to check my blog.
Mostly to see who has updated their blogs.
And I have been sitting here at least an hour. reading. being updated.
I decided I should post too.
It has been a while.
I don't even know where to begin.
Does anyone even care if I update my blog? (I know there is at least 3 out there who do)
Okay, girls camp was wonderful, I felt a little out of place. Like a first year camper.
New camp. They sing the songs wrong...er... I mean different. ALOT of people I didn't know.
The wonder that I am, was tooo shy to introduce herself.
I have been in this house just over a year and a half and I still only know 30 people in my ward.
I have a hard time letting people in.
I did fine ..okay....I did okay, when I moved to Susanville. But I had no one there.
Here, I have my sisters and mom and Aunt Kathie and cousins, my brothers too.
I don't need many friends right.
I know. I need friends. I just cant let people in.
Why would I introduce them to my falling apart life?
Okay, so the falling apart is a tad bit of an exaggeration.
I am an unorganized mess with no desire to be organized.
I have no self confidence, so severly I can't even fake it anymore.
I have to tell myself every day... "just make it through the next day....week...event..."
(just got through Harry Potter...next event is my sister Carrie's Wedding)
If I can do that, then i can fall apart.
Not that I am saying I will, I just feel like that on the inside.
Does any body understamd what I mean?
I feel like i am not making sense.
I dont wanna blog about how happy am I when I am not.
I am happy about some things, just not everything.
And why fake it? that is not me.
If I can just let one person know that she is not the only mom of six "not always behaved" but wonderful kids, a fantastic "i never deserved" hubby that works nights and overtime, too shy, not confident in her self, probably "too laid back", not organized, really funny other person know she is not alone in this world...then complaining about it here on my blog was worth it. (she doesnt even have to post....I understand)
I am ADD and I have short term memory.
So I will probably get distracted and/or forget about this blog post anyway.
See, I am funny.
I do love my kids and my husband. and I never thought I would be in love with 21 boys (all my sons and nephews). I have no better family on the planet.
No, mine is better.
I love where I live.
I am happy, but complicated.
Hey, I like that.
I am getting meds for this depression I have.
I just feel. Blah.
happy, but blah.
If you read my blog and are lost..... welcome to my brain.
I told you I was ADD.
I write how I think.
(oh, I forgot, I do love my neices too.. all 6 of them both Bigney and Scoville families)
Mostly to see who has updated their blogs.
And I have been sitting here at least an hour. reading. being updated.
I decided I should post too.
It has been a while.
I don't even know where to begin.
Does anyone even care if I update my blog? (I know there is at least 3 out there who do)
Okay, girls camp was wonderful, I felt a little out of place. Like a first year camper.
New camp. They sing the songs wrong...er... I mean different. ALOT of people I didn't know.
The wonder that I am, was tooo shy to introduce herself.
I have been in this house just over a year and a half and I still only know 30 people in my ward.
I have a hard time letting people in.
I did fine ..okay....I did okay, when I moved to Susanville. But I had no one there.
Here, I have my sisters and mom and Aunt Kathie and cousins, my brothers too.
I don't need many friends right.
I know. I need friends. I just cant let people in.
Why would I introduce them to my falling apart life?
Okay, so the falling apart is a tad bit of an exaggeration.
I am an unorganized mess with no desire to be organized.
I have no self confidence, so severly I can't even fake it anymore.
I have to tell myself every day... "just make it through the next day....week...event..."
(just got through Harry Potter...next event is my sister Carrie's Wedding)
If I can do that, then i can fall apart.
Not that I am saying I will, I just feel like that on the inside.
Does any body understamd what I mean?
I feel like i am not making sense.
I dont wanna blog about how happy am I when I am not.
I am happy about some things, just not everything.
And why fake it? that is not me.
If I can just let one person know that she is not the only mom of six "not always behaved" but wonderful kids, a fantastic "i never deserved" hubby that works nights and overtime, too shy, not confident in her self, probably "too laid back", not organized, really funny other person know she is not alone in this world...then complaining about it here on my blog was worth it. (she doesnt even have to post....I understand)
I am ADD and I have short term memory.
So I will probably get distracted and/or forget about this blog post anyway.
See, I am funny.
I do love my kids and my husband. and I never thought I would be in love with 21 boys (all my sons and nephews). I have no better family on the planet.
No, mine is better.
I love where I live.
I am happy, but complicated.
Hey, I like that.
I am getting meds for this depression I have.
I just feel. Blah.
happy, but blah.
If you read my blog and are lost..... welcome to my brain.
I told you I was ADD.
I write how I think.
(oh, I forgot, I do love my neices too.. all 6 of them both Bigney and Scoville families)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
1 whole month
I cant believe it has been that long since I blogged.
I have been busy.
Last days of school....
GIRLS CAMP.... that is what took up most of my time.
My husband is glad to have me back, but I am not happy to be.
I LOVED girls camp.
Although I didn't feel my purpose there... I loved it.
I now, have nothing to do, I feel my value...disappearing....
Does that make any sense?
People tell me I say ...divulge too much on my blog.
Isn't that what this is supposed to be?
This was never a place to brag about how wonderful my life is or kids are, Not for me anyway....or awesome my spouse is. Dont get me wrong, they are all of that, but ....hard to explain.
I am feeling the hum drums of "after camp".
Yes, I can play with my kids more, but I can also get all those projects I was putting off until "after camp" done too.
Oh joy.
It is very hot and I am sooo not in the mood to clean out closets and organize stuff.
I should be more excited that I have wedding stuff to do for my sister Carrie.
Yes, she is getting married in September. I am very excited for her. We love Brent her fiance.
I am just not in the mood.
There is more going on in my life that requires more explanation, but it is more private than I can share here. (see I don't share everything)
I feel myself slipping into a depression.
I will get over it.
I need to have a good long talk with someone...my mom is usually the very best person to whine to.
When I can do that I will feel so much better.
Maybe a beach trip or a Temple session will help?
I think so. I will give both of those a try.
so to sum it all up....
I am fine.
tired, but fine.
I have been busy.
Last days of school....
GIRLS CAMP.... that is what took up most of my time.
My husband is glad to have me back, but I am not happy to be.
I LOVED girls camp.
Although I didn't feel my purpose there... I loved it.
I now, have nothing to do, I feel my value...disappearing....
Does that make any sense?
People tell me I say ...divulge too much on my blog.
Isn't that what this is supposed to be?
This was never a place to brag about how wonderful my life is or kids are, Not for me anyway....or awesome my spouse is. Dont get me wrong, they are all of that, but ....hard to explain.
I am feeling the hum drums of "after camp".
Yes, I can play with my kids more, but I can also get all those projects I was putting off until "after camp" done too.
Oh joy.
It is very hot and I am sooo not in the mood to clean out closets and organize stuff.
I should be more excited that I have wedding stuff to do for my sister Carrie.
Yes, she is getting married in September. I am very excited for her. We love Brent her fiance.
I am just not in the mood.
There is more going on in my life that requires more explanation, but it is more private than I can share here. (see I don't share everything)
I feel myself slipping into a depression.
I will get over it.
I need to have a good long talk with someone...my mom is usually the very best person to whine to.
When I can do that I will feel so much better.
Maybe a beach trip or a Temple session will help?
I think so. I will give both of those a try.
so to sum it all up....
I am fine.
tired, but fine.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Scrapbooking
I am scrapbooking again.
(after you get over the shock that I am posting so soon after the last post, and the fact that I am scrapbooking again....
Yes, it is true.
A hobby, no art, that I was passionate about had returned into my life.
I even cleaned off my scrapbook desk and moved it out from my room and in to the living room.
My fabulous cousin Denise messaged me on Facebook, to make a scrapbook for her son. (it is a surprise, so shhhhhh, he is too busy being a boy, to read my blog, so I am not worried)
I said yes.
On top of going to Girls camp and having A LOT of little projects that goes along with it, I am a mother of 6.
I know with help from Jeff I will be able to get everything done on time.
Plus, I said yes before I knew I was going to Girls Camp.
Cross you fingers and toes, that it all works out.
I would , but I need my fingers to scrapbook.
(after you get over the shock that I am posting so soon after the last post, and the fact that I am scrapbooking again....
Yes, it is true.
A hobby, no art, that I was passionate about had returned into my life.
I even cleaned off my scrapbook desk and moved it out from my room and in to the living room.
My fabulous cousin Denise messaged me on Facebook, to make a scrapbook for her son. (it is a surprise, so shhhhhh, he is too busy being a boy, to read my blog, so I am not worried)
I said yes.
On top of going to Girls camp and having A LOT of little projects that goes along with it, I am a mother of 6.
I know with help from Jeff I will be able to get everything done on time.
Plus, I said yes before I knew I was going to Girls Camp.
Cross you fingers and toes, that it all works out.
I would , but I need my fingers to scrapbook.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
LOST
I am seriously addicted to the TV show LOST.
yes, the very one I used to make fun of.
The very one I teased my sister Sarah about.
Now I am hooked and all I want to do after the kids go to bed is watch it. Jeff and I sit together and watch....sometimes until 1 in the morning.
We finally got the netflix disc for the Wii so we could watch movie instantly.
then for almost a year we had to get the wifi.
I am literally kicking myself....
WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS A LONG TIME AGO!!!!!!
Yes, it does mean wasting hours and hours time watching TV, but there are movies, i would love for my kids to see.
and the old shows...like
Flipper and the Cosby Show.
I wonder if they will ever put the Monkee's on netflix. that would be awesome.... and the Brady bunch.
I am so excited. it is bed time and Jeff is almost home.
Just gotta get on the PJ's and get the house picked up.
I also got a new (well new to me) computer. My uncle Roger knew a guy ready to sell a used one.
I said yes.
So you may see a lot more of me on here again.
After girls camp.
After school is out....hopefully.
yes, the very one I used to make fun of.
The very one I teased my sister Sarah about.
Now I am hooked and all I want to do after the kids go to bed is watch it. Jeff and I sit together and watch....sometimes until 1 in the morning.
We finally got the netflix disc for the Wii so we could watch movie instantly.
then for almost a year we had to get the wifi.
I am literally kicking myself....
WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS A LONG TIME AGO!!!!!!
Yes, it does mean wasting hours and hours time watching TV, but there are movies, i would love for my kids to see.
and the old shows...like
Flipper and the Cosby Show.
I wonder if they will ever put the Monkee's on netflix. that would be awesome.... and the Brady bunch.
I am so excited. it is bed time and Jeff is almost home.
Just gotta get on the PJ's and get the house picked up.
I also got a new (well new to me) computer. My uncle Roger knew a guy ready to sell a used one.
I said yes.
So you may see a lot more of me on here again.
After girls camp.
After school is out....hopefully.
Photography
I love looking at photography blogs. I am amazed at how one can capture the beauty of anything in a flash....a second....a blink of an eye.
I love to take pictures myself...
okay, I am not as god as most people at taking pictures, but I am not bad.
I just need a more sophisticated camera and one class with a very good photographer.
one like my amazing cousin Felisha Cotrin.
She is soooooo talented.
She lives in Oklahoma, but she is willing to come to California to take pictures if you ask really nice. (well, and pay her too)
She is totally worth it. I would share more of her pictures, but I havent figured out how to make the pictures small enough to load on here.
that, I guess, is one class i will need first.
I love to take pictures myself...
okay, I am not as god as most people at taking pictures, but I am not bad.
I just need a more sophisticated camera and one class with a very good photographer.
one like my amazing cousin Felisha Cotrin.
She is soooooo talented.
She lives in Oklahoma, but she is willing to come to California to take pictures if you ask really nice. (well, and pay her too)
She is totally worth it. I would share more of her pictures, but I havent figured out how to make the pictures small enough to load on here.
that, I guess, is one class i will need first.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Very Little time
literally.
I barely have time to post this.
I just am so busy. and when I am not, I play the boys DS's for my down time while I listen to my daily dose of Gilmore Girls.
Our vacation was fun. Always more work for the parents (mostly moms) but it was fun. Kids had a blast.
We bought a car about 14 days before we left on vacation.
A 2004 Ford Excursion.
Nick named "the beast" because it is huge and very scary to drive. I am still practicing my parking skills in the back of the parking lot and huffing it to the from of the store. (exercise right)
It is a gas guzzler, but it fits all 8 of us.
I finally got my glasses ordered. So I will be able to see the world the way it is suppose to look like. NOT FUZZY!
I somehow lost my Cell phone.. I know... my other brain!!!!
with the help of my awesome brother I will get it tomorrow. I have been using a temp phone my sister let me borrow, and it has kept me going.
I just dont feel whole!!!!
My Sammy turned 8 and will be baptized soon.
I am now part of the Nursery at church. i am very excited. I love being with those sweet young spirits. What's not to love, Toys, snack, lesson? easy!
I am currently working on Girls camp with my Aunt. and it almost consumes my life.
My meds are working as long as I take my meds everyday.
I figured out I have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) and having a hard time falling asleep. I get my meds soon.
Hopefully That will take care of my sleeping problems which will give me more energy so I can start getting ready to do phase one of my new life.... a marathon.
don't laugh.....not tooo loud anyway.
I will lose this hefty weight and I will run in a marathon. I WILL!!!!
After I fulfil that dream, I will learn to drive a car like an CIA agent or ...FBI!
I am tired and of not doing stuff.
Oh, i forgot ablut Salsa Dancing.... or surfing....or ......
I barely have time to post this.
I just am so busy. and when I am not, I play the boys DS's for my down time while I listen to my daily dose of Gilmore Girls.
Our vacation was fun. Always more work for the parents (mostly moms) but it was fun. Kids had a blast.
We bought a car about 14 days before we left on vacation.
A 2004 Ford Excursion.
Nick named "the beast" because it is huge and very scary to drive. I am still practicing my parking skills in the back of the parking lot and huffing it to the from of the store. (exercise right)
It is a gas guzzler, but it fits all 8 of us.
I finally got my glasses ordered. So I will be able to see the world the way it is suppose to look like. NOT FUZZY!
I somehow lost my Cell phone.. I know... my other brain!!!!
with the help of my awesome brother I will get it tomorrow. I have been using a temp phone my sister let me borrow, and it has kept me going.
I just dont feel whole!!!!
My Sammy turned 8 and will be baptized soon.
I am now part of the Nursery at church. i am very excited. I love being with those sweet young spirits. What's not to love, Toys, snack, lesson? easy!
I am currently working on Girls camp with my Aunt. and it almost consumes my life.
My meds are working as long as I take my meds everyday.
I figured out I have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) and having a hard time falling asleep. I get my meds soon.
Hopefully That will take care of my sleeping problems which will give me more energy so I can start getting ready to do phase one of my new life.... a marathon.
don't laugh.....not tooo loud anyway.
I will lose this hefty weight and I will run in a marathon. I WILL!!!!
After I fulfil that dream, I will learn to drive a car like an CIA agent or ...FBI!
I am tired and of not doing stuff.
Oh, i forgot ablut Salsa Dancing.... or surfing....or ......
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
So much to say, so little time
I do have a lot to say.
But it is Tuesday night and Jeff is home and I can only stay as long as it take for me to eat my wonderful dinner.
So...just a couple of base words.
New
Way of
Eating
No joke.
I have been almost carb and sugar free for one week and I feel AWESOME!!!!!!! (i have a cheat day)
If you want to know what I am doing email me privately and I might tell you. lol
okay, times up. We have family movie night.
We are watching Pinocchio.
Maybe it was help with the lying and sneakin' we have been dealing with.
Never owned it until yesterday.
(dont worry, we have late start school tomorrow and we dont start until 9am)
But it is Tuesday night and Jeff is home and I can only stay as long as it take for me to eat my wonderful dinner.
So...just a couple of base words.
New
Way of
Eating
No joke.
I have been almost carb and sugar free for one week and I feel AWESOME!!!!!!! (i have a cheat day)
If you want to know what I am doing email me privately and I might tell you. lol
okay, times up. We have family movie night.
We are watching Pinocchio.
Maybe it was help with the lying and sneakin' we have been dealing with.
Never owned it until yesterday.
(dont worry, we have late start school tomorrow and we dont start until 9am)
Friday, March 18, 2011
boys
Boys are so gross.
Just a fact I thought was worth sharing.
If you live with 3 or more boys, than you understand.
If not, I am jealous.
I know that someday I will miss the bangs of basketballs on my floor, walls and doors. The shooting sounds of video games from the TV, and lots and lots of dirty, muddy clothes to wash.
Someday I will miss the bags and bags of groceries I have to buy, load and unload from the car. I will miss the dozens of meals I make every week.
And I will miss the loads and loads of dishes I wash.
The fart sounds, and burp contests, the snakes in the sinks, and bugs in the jars.
The piles of Nerf guns and army gear. The yelling and fighting and and squealing for "MOM!" The wrestling and name calling, and crying.
The scrapes and bruises from a tumbled bike ride.
Someday I will miss all of it.
But I don't like it now.
Okay, maybe a little.
But JUST A LITTLE, teeny, tiny, bit.
Just a fact I thought was worth sharing.
If you live with 3 or more boys, than you understand.
If not, I am jealous.
I know that someday I will miss the bangs of basketballs on my floor, walls and doors. The shooting sounds of video games from the TV, and lots and lots of dirty, muddy clothes to wash.
Someday I will miss the bags and bags of groceries I have to buy, load and unload from the car. I will miss the dozens of meals I make every week.
And I will miss the loads and loads of dishes I wash.
The fart sounds, and burp contests, the snakes in the sinks, and bugs in the jars.
The piles of Nerf guns and army gear. The yelling and fighting and and squealing for "MOM!" The wrestling and name calling, and crying.
The scrapes and bruises from a tumbled bike ride.
Someday I will miss all of it.
But I don't like it now.
Okay, maybe a little.
But JUST A LITTLE, teeny, tiny, bit.
Voices
I hear voices.
I have for years.
Okay, so not really voices, but a voice.
Not my voice in my head, but a really negative voice.
This voice on a daily basis would tell me I am a peice of crap.
I am dirt on someone shoes.
Not really loved or like.
I could go on, but I think you get the point.
I am talking, twenty-something years.
I am 38.
It started long before I got married.
And the worst part..... I believed it.
I believed this horrible voice.
I have never been able to resist the voice until it wanted me to harm myself.
That was a bad day.
I knew I could never go through with it.
My kids would be the ones to suffer the most.
Why am I telling you this?
Why am I sharing this personal part of my life with anyone?
Because the voice is gone.
I finally told my doctor about my thoughts of suicide, and she got me on some meds.
Now, why in the world didn't I do this before?
I believed my voice and I believed I wasn't worth it.
I am so much happier now.
I am not 100%, but I am getting there.
I am sharing, just in case, there is someone else out there like me, who might happen upon my blog and understand, have the same problem and can help them.
I am also sharing so that people who do know me, can finally understand where i have been the lasy 20 years or so and maybe they will say..." oh okay, that makes sense. she was crazy after all, glad she is getting help"
yes, I joke, but seriously.
Someone out there knew it. She spotted it years ago, called me on it, and because I didn't want to believe it, we were never able to be really good friends.
She was so right. Sorry about that.
I am doing TONS better.
I am on a new heathy eating plan, something even I can do.
I plan to start walking when it stops raining.
Someday....dont laugh.... I want to run a marathon.
I want to fly to Utah and see my BFF. (one seat)lol
Not much else is happening in my life.
I am a mom of six, so I clean, cook, and hug alot.
I have for years.
Okay, so not really voices, but a voice.
Not my voice in my head, but a really negative voice.
This voice on a daily basis would tell me I am a peice of crap.
I am dirt on someone shoes.
Not really loved or like.
I could go on, but I think you get the point.
I am talking, twenty-something years.
I am 38.
It started long before I got married.
And the worst part..... I believed it.
I believed this horrible voice.
I have never been able to resist the voice until it wanted me to harm myself.
That was a bad day.
I knew I could never go through with it.
My kids would be the ones to suffer the most.
Why am I telling you this?
Why am I sharing this personal part of my life with anyone?
Because the voice is gone.
I finally told my doctor about my thoughts of suicide, and she got me on some meds.
Now, why in the world didn't I do this before?
I believed my voice and I believed I wasn't worth it.
I am so much happier now.
I am not 100%, but I am getting there.
I am sharing, just in case, there is someone else out there like me, who might happen upon my blog and understand, have the same problem and can help them.
I am also sharing so that people who do know me, can finally understand where i have been the lasy 20 years or so and maybe they will say..." oh okay, that makes sense. she was crazy after all, glad she is getting help"
yes, I joke, but seriously.
Someone out there knew it. She spotted it years ago, called me on it, and because I didn't want to believe it, we were never able to be really good friends.
She was so right. Sorry about that.
I am doing TONS better.
I am on a new heathy eating plan, something even I can do.
I plan to start walking when it stops raining.
Someday....dont laugh.... I want to run a marathon.
I want to fly to Utah and see my BFF. (one seat)lol
Not much else is happening in my life.
I am a mom of six, so I clean, cook, and hug alot.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Hearts
I decorate for every holiday.
Yes, and this month it is the "love" month.
As I type this, my daughter has collected all my hearts.
All of my glittery card board hearts I bought last year at Wal-mart that I strategically placed all over my the family and living room.
It made me think about my real heart...or hearts.
My awesome adorable husband and 6 awesome adorable children who have claimed a piece in my heart forever.
I hope I have a nice place in theirs.
That is my question....or questions....
I am sure they love me, they tell me everyday, as I tell them.
But....
Do I show enough love for my 7 favorite people on the planet?
Do I really try to bring love into my home?
I know daily scripture and prayer with my family will answer that question, but kids wont remember that.
I don't. I remember all the little things my mom did for me.
I feel like I do.
But maybe I could do more.
I am so in love with them all.
Any ideas on what I could do?
I have a few ideas.
here's the thing...
Every Valentines day Jeff and I get something fabulous for the kids and I write a cutesy little note....
Something we didnt have enough money for for Christmas, and it is Income Tax Return time so...
One year was a Guitar Hero video game and I got a Guitar Hero poster and wrote a note that said, "You boys rock my world, will you be my Valentine?"
Emma got something equally cheesy, but she was only 7 months old and didn't really care.
I have made sugar cookie hearts and little baggies of candy.
I wanna do something different and VERY cheap.
It was a long December with no overtimes, so any extra "stuff" is not gonna happen.
I would love ideas so I don't have to waste hours on the Internet looking.
I would rather spend my few eatr minutes of spare time watching a princess movie with Emma, or goofing off with my boys.
I would love an day by day idea of showing my family i love them also.
And cleaning and caring for their daily needs doesn't count.
That is my job.
And I actually like it.
Most days.
Yes, and this month it is the "love" month.
As I type this, my daughter has collected all my hearts.
All of my glittery card board hearts I bought last year at Wal-mart that I strategically placed all over my the family and living room.
It made me think about my real heart...or hearts.
My awesome adorable husband and 6 awesome adorable children who have claimed a piece in my heart forever.
I hope I have a nice place in theirs.
That is my question....or questions....
I am sure they love me, they tell me everyday, as I tell them.
But....
Do I show enough love for my 7 favorite people on the planet?
Do I really try to bring love into my home?
I know daily scripture and prayer with my family will answer that question, but kids wont remember that.
I don't. I remember all the little things my mom did for me.
Am I truly showing them all the love I have?
I feel like I do.
But maybe I could do more.
I am so in love with them all.
Any ideas on what I could do?
I have a few ideas.
here's the thing...
Every Valentines day Jeff and I get something fabulous for the kids and I write a cutesy little note....
Something we didnt have enough money for for Christmas, and it is Income Tax Return time so...
One year was a Guitar Hero video game and I got a Guitar Hero poster and wrote a note that said, "You boys rock my world, will you be my Valentine?"
Emma got something equally cheesy, but she was only 7 months old and didn't really care.
I have made sugar cookie hearts and little baggies of candy.
I wanna do something different and VERY cheap.
It was a long December with no overtimes, so any extra "stuff" is not gonna happen.
I would love ideas so I don't have to waste hours on the Internet looking.
I would rather spend my few eatr minutes of spare time watching a princess movie with Emma, or goofing off with my boys.
I would love an day by day idea of showing my family i love them also.
And cleaning and caring for their daily needs doesn't count.
That is my job.
And I actually like it.
Most days.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tasty Tuesday - The Best Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe
I almost don't want to share it.
I don't want this secret out.
I never got a chance to ask my cousin if I can put it on my blog.
My awesome cousin Felisha was home for Christmas and while she was here I got to taste her cookies.
OMG(ness)!!!!!!
I craved it days after and had to make them myself.
I have NEVER had a good experience with Chocolate Chip cookies.
I can make and bake all kinds of things, but Chocolate Chip cookies was not my forte.
This recipe is sooooo easy. and I almost have it memorized.
I have made it 3 times in 12 days. (I am learning to share and not eat them)
And I am lazy.
I have developed the perfect way to make 3 dozen Chocolate chip cookies in 20 minutes. (okay, so it is really 25....maybe 30.
Point is.... it is just smart.
I will show you with pictures.
But first the recipe:
The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies (doubled)
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 cups unsalted butter (room temp)
2 tsp vanilla
2 egg (room temp)
4 1/2 cups flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 package semi-sweet Chocolate Chips. (I love the mini chips the best, more chocolate in every bite)
2 cups chopped walnuts (optional)
*Add brown sugar, sugar and butter, vanilla and eggs into a large mixing bowl.
*Mix with your hands. (i used a hand mixer on low)
**Until just mixed.(It can be a little lumpy, DO NOT OVER MIX)
*Add Flour, baking soda, salt chocolate chips and walnuts.
*Mix with you hands or on low until well mixed. I repeat, do not over mix.
Now what I did was the lazy woman's way....
*I pulled out my cookies sheet, sprayed it with cooking spray, and pressed the cookie dough down into the pan evenly.
*I baked it at 350 for 17 to 18 minutes.
*I let it cool for 5 minutes or so, and while warm, I used a small 1 1/2 inch heart shaped cookie cutter and cut out cookies, placed them to cool on a cooling rack.
And I love it because there is no back and forth in to the kitchen to put and take out cookies in the oven.
You can also just cut like cookie bars, but I like the heart shapes.
I have made some similar for Christmas cutting out trees. I have even thought of melting chocolate and decorating the tree.
I might just to this same recipe for Valentines day treats for the boys to take to school.
I am gonna try pecans next and maybe some mini M&M's.Monday, January 24, 2011
Proud Momma
Photographer Felisha Coltrin at http://felishacoltrinphotography.blogspot.com/Thanks to my awesome and brillant, naturally talented cousin we had a fabulous photoshoot for the kids. (next year when jeff and I have lost the bazillion pounds, we will take family pictures...cross you fingers)
yes. this was the only good one . thanks sammy.
Determination
After writing, editing, re-reading, and posting my last blog post I am bound and determined to get Matthew motivated and read for grown-up adulthood.
I mean, it is my job after all.
My job as his mother.
It is easy for everyone else to already know that, but it takes me wallowing and stewing in what I consider 'misery' to see it.
So I did what any mother would do.
I bribed him.
I have seen him succeed.
I know he can do it.
He has no homework, thanks to the teachers at his school, and an IEP. (they decided that he can just do it in class)
So why is he failing.....he just wont do it.
I had many long talks with Matthew this weekend, and got down to the bottom of it.
He doesn't wanna.
So I bribed him with an PlayStation 3 and a game called Call of Duty.
He has until the 15th of February to pull up his grades and do his work in class.
yes, I am still taking him to be tested and maybe we can adjust or try out a new medication.
Things are looking better.
I think I forgot to mention... that.... I have PMS and it lasts for about a good eek.
Just ask Jeff.
It is usually the cause to all of my woes.
I mean, it is my job after all.
My job as his mother.
It is easy for everyone else to already know that, but it takes me wallowing and stewing in what I consider 'misery' to see it.
So I did what any mother would do.
I bribed him.
I have seen him succeed.
I know he can do it.
He has no homework, thanks to the teachers at his school, and an IEP. (they decided that he can just do it in class)
So why is he failing.....he just wont do it.
I had many long talks with Matthew this weekend, and got down to the bottom of it.
He doesn't wanna.
So I bribed him with an PlayStation 3 and a game called Call of Duty.
He has until the 15th of February to pull up his grades and do his work in class.
yes, I am still taking him to be tested and maybe we can adjust or try out a new medication.
Things are looking better.
I think I forgot to mention... that.... I have PMS and it lasts for about a good eek.
Just ask Jeff.
It is usually the cause to all of my woes.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Failure
We all feel like we have failed at something at one time or another.
But lately I feel like I am failing at everything.
And.
And I don't know how to fix it.
I have been getting email reports on how my son Matthew has been doing at school. The latest ones shows that he is failing all of his classes but one.
And no, it is not PE, it is Earth Science.
Matthew is not your typical 15 year old. He has no desires to be a normal teenager and girls are not on the brain. The only thing he cares about is Lego's. and his MP3 player, and his DS game system. He doesn't care much for his cell phone. Probably, because there is no one to talk to or text to.
He is socially behind. Which is why there is no one to text or call.
It breaks my heart.
I mourned the loss of my perfect child years go when we found how he had learning disabilities and A.D.D.
I know I have talked about this before.
And yet, I have found no way to help my son and so I have failed.
My mom asked me about a Relief Society Class she wants to have for her Stake. She is the RS president for her Stake and wants to do a class on Self Esteem or Self worth.
She asked me.
I had to ask her why.
I have been involved in RS activities in years past, in the planning them, but we never touched this subject and I really wouldn't know how.
I have a battle in my brain daily on my own self worth.
I am not posting all of this to get advice.
This is my confessions.
I am journal writing.
This is just here to annoy the really positive thinkers.
*deep sigh*
I could go on and on about the things I am "failing" at, but my biggest concern is my Matthew.
It isn't like he needs a tutor.
Yes, he is failing, but I have seen him do the work. HE CAN DO IT.
He is passing Earth Science.
He doesn't talk to me, I can get him to stayed focused enough to tell me much of anything.
He has to learn focusing tools now, so he can be a productive adult.
I will take advice from others on Matthew.
As I sit here and ponder, I also weep.
We all worry over our children, I have different worries for each of my children.... but Matthew is...
He is so wonderful and frustrating all at the same time.
He is AMAZING with little kids.
He loves to play with them.
But it is almost like he is a child in his brain.
He also doesn't have any friends his age.
*deep sigh and a sniffle.... or two*
We have tried working with the school, but the teachers are annoyed that he is a hard kid to deal/work with. He can't stay focused. Even on the 30 mg of Ritalin he takes 2 times a day. If I stand and watch him take it. (he gets distracted and doesn't take it some days, and that is another long blog post)
It makes me wonder what the teachers would say if he wasn't medicated.
I have a lot of praying and phone calls to make on Monday.
I need to get him tested for other disorders.
What if he is not only ADD? What if he is slightly Autistic? or in that realm?
He might get more help, have more options as far as he education.
Have I mentioned I have ADD? probably.
Part of me knows how he feels. Part of me doesn't.
The part that doesn't, is the part who had a social life in high school.
Grades were not my focus, low self worth has a lot to do with that. I have probably had a low self worth since....wow.....
....since as far back as I can remember. Since the time the 10 year old boy my mom babysat tricked me into playing "doctor".
I didn't know it was bad self worth I was feeling, I just knew it was bad.
It never got any better.
I have always felt that I lived in Murphy's law.
And it is still a miracle to me that I am married to this awesome guy and I have these awesome kids.
Back to failing my Matthew.
I do understand how hard it is to focus, in the 4nd grade (I know I have talked about this before) I was diagnosed with short term memory.
I cant remember some times to go write down the thing I am really suppose to remember.
And if I do remember, I forget where I left the note.
Oh, get a dry erase board you say..... when it comes time to buy it, I forget to add it to the budget. It never happens. Actually I think I bought one once, and I forgot I had it and never used it. or the biys abused it.
It doesn't help that Jeff has a thyroid problem, which causes forgetfulness.
Yes, we are a great parenting pair.
Matthew is doomed.
Back to being serious, I think Matthew has a really bad uncontrollable focusing problem and memory issues.
So, If I have not posted that I have called the doctor and gotten Matthew some help, I beg you, if any of you read my blog, message me, call me, facebook message me...help me. ...to remember.
And if you have any ideas for a class for "Self Worth"....you know...for my mom...just get a message to me somehow.
But lately I feel like I am failing at everything.
And.
And I don't know how to fix it.
I have been getting email reports on how my son Matthew has been doing at school. The latest ones shows that he is failing all of his classes but one.
And no, it is not PE, it is Earth Science.
Matthew is not your typical 15 year old. He has no desires to be a normal teenager and girls are not on the brain. The only thing he cares about is Lego's. and his MP3 player, and his DS game system. He doesn't care much for his cell phone. Probably, because there is no one to talk to or text to.
He is socially behind. Which is why there is no one to text or call.
It breaks my heart.
I mourned the loss of my perfect child years go when we found how he had learning disabilities and A.D.D.
I know I have talked about this before.
And yet, I have found no way to help my son and so I have failed.
My mom asked me about a Relief Society Class she wants to have for her Stake. She is the RS president for her Stake and wants to do a class on Self Esteem or Self worth.
She asked me.
I had to ask her why.
I have been involved in RS activities in years past, in the planning them, but we never touched this subject and I really wouldn't know how.
I have a battle in my brain daily on my own self worth.
I am not posting all of this to get advice.
This is my confessions.
I am journal writing.
This is just here to annoy the really positive thinkers.
*deep sigh*
I could go on and on about the things I am "failing" at, but my biggest concern is my Matthew.
It isn't like he needs a tutor.
Yes, he is failing, but I have seen him do the work. HE CAN DO IT.
He is passing Earth Science.
He doesn't talk to me, I can get him to stayed focused enough to tell me much of anything.
He has to learn focusing tools now, so he can be a productive adult.
I will take advice from others on Matthew.
As I sit here and ponder, I also weep.
We all worry over our children, I have different worries for each of my children.... but Matthew is...
He is so wonderful and frustrating all at the same time.
He is AMAZING with little kids.
He loves to play with them.
But it is almost like he is a child in his brain.
He also doesn't have any friends his age.
*deep sigh and a sniffle.... or two*
We have tried working with the school, but the teachers are annoyed that he is a hard kid to deal/work with. He can't stay focused. Even on the 30 mg of Ritalin he takes 2 times a day. If I stand and watch him take it. (he gets distracted and doesn't take it some days, and that is another long blog post)
It makes me wonder what the teachers would say if he wasn't medicated.
I have a lot of praying and phone calls to make on Monday.
I need to get him tested for other disorders.
What if he is not only ADD? What if he is slightly Autistic? or in that realm?
He might get more help, have more options as far as he education.
Have I mentioned I have ADD? probably.
Part of me knows how he feels. Part of me doesn't.
The part that doesn't, is the part who had a social life in high school.
Grades were not my focus, low self worth has a lot to do with that. I have probably had a low self worth since....wow.....
....since as far back as I can remember. Since the time the 10 year old boy my mom babysat tricked me into playing "doctor".
I didn't know it was bad self worth I was feeling, I just knew it was bad.
It never got any better.
I have always felt that I lived in Murphy's law.
And it is still a miracle to me that I am married to this awesome guy and I have these awesome kids.
Back to failing my Matthew.
I do understand how hard it is to focus, in the 4nd grade (I know I have talked about this before) I was diagnosed with short term memory.
I cant remember some times to go write down the thing I am really suppose to remember.
And if I do remember, I forget where I left the note.
Oh, get a dry erase board you say..... when it comes time to buy it, I forget to add it to the budget. It never happens. Actually I think I bought one once, and I forgot I had it and never used it. or the biys abused it.
It doesn't help that Jeff has a thyroid problem, which causes forgetfulness.
Yes, we are a great parenting pair.
Matthew is doomed.
Back to being serious, I think Matthew has a really bad uncontrollable focusing problem and memory issues.
So, If I have not posted that I have called the doctor and gotten Matthew some help, I beg you, if any of you read my blog, message me, call me, facebook message me...help me. ...to remember.
And if you have any ideas for a class for "Self Worth"....you know...for my mom...just get a message to me somehow.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sickness
There is a sickness going around my house.
A head cold with an unbelievably long life.
why you ask is it it lasting so long?
Because I have no washing machine.
I can not clean the linen's fast enough.
My very huge, free washing machine I got from my brother-in-law last year when we moved into this house , from which he got it free off Craig's list, ended it's life.
(it was probably miserable with the constant use)
but hey, it was free and huge...I do have 8 people wearing clothes in my house.
It was not perfect, it had a slight malfunction.
It would run a load and throw a code. EVERY TIME!!!!!
F1 right before the spin cycle.
All you had to do is hit stop and start and it would work just fine.
Well, that lasted for about a year.
As the year went on, the how many times you had to push the stop then start button (which were only 4 times at first) moved on to be 9 times before it died.
The washing machine decided it was too much.
It could not take the pressure.
It was last Tuesday, we turned it on to do a load and all the lights started to flash. (it was a very fancy washing machine)
When it stopped flashing, the light moved, and it never stayed in one spot. The washing machine would stop and start in a matter of seconds and constantly beep.
SO when I tried to unplug it and plug it back in....(i thought it would reboot it), the plug sparked at me.
Like it was cursing at me. ("don't even try with you wench!!!!")
I feel much like that washing machine.
Over worked, tired, kind of not completely right in the computer. (brain)
I throw a code once in a while and I need a stop (get control of my senses) start (start over and try again)
I feel like someday I will completely go crazy.
And maybe start cursing and someone else.
So what do I do now.
As for our family and the washing machine....
We do not have the extra money to just go buy a new one, nor do we have credit cards to use.
But, my parents have an extra one they are hoping to fix because that one is broken to. (waiting for parts)
Please, don't get me wrong, I am grateful for their generousness, but I am tired of broken washing machines.
I want a fresh, brand spanking new, red one. With a dryer to match.
One day, some day.
As for me, I am not sure what I am going to do.
I feel like I am just going through the motions of the day, of my life.
Wake up, clean, feed people, clean, get ready, go spend money on things and meals for the people I have to feed, put it away, feed people, clean, and a whole mess of more things I do for other people.
(You know, no one asked my how my Christmas was)
So how do I fix this problem?
I have no idea.
It is not like my mom has a spare broken me in her backyard, that just needs a few parts and it should, maybe, be good to go.
Until I can get a new one.
There is no getting a new me.
There is only one me.
Someday, I like me.
Someday, I wallow in all the mistakes I have made.
Some days, I am too busy to do much of anything for me.
I know I need improvement, but don't we all.
I made a list of goals to fulfil this month in my last post and I already failed.
I didn't blog on my family blog.
I didn't make the list to be seen by all on the side of my blog, like a constant reminder.
And No I did not call the doctor.
Yesterday, I had to go to my sisters and do laundry.
Because I have no washer.
I had to wait until the boys got home from school so I could have Matt watch the sick ones. (Jeff needed his uniform washed, so I HAD to go, I had to do it)
I didn't get my dishes washed, I didn't get to clean anything except my room.
(I HAD to find something of Sammy's that I lost)
And if I wasn't do that I was holding 2 sick babies. My 2 little babies that have totally gross green/yellow slime constantly coming from their noses. they are miserable so I had to comfort.
Just doing my job.
But while doing a gross job as that (sometimes it is gross when the sick ones want to give you gross snotty kisses) it only means one thing.
You end up getting sick too.
Yes, on my way home from my sisters house washing 5 loads and drying 3 ( I have a working dryer) I started to feel the ache.
The "oh crap, I know what is coming and I don't have time for this" feeling.
By the time Jeff got home at 11pm, I was done.
The little sick ones were still up watching Nick Jr., I was glued to Sammy DS, that I conveniently confiscated at bedtime, playing his DS so I didn't lose my achy sick mind.
A semi descent night of rest and I do not feel better. I need just one more nap.
No I will not get it.
I have to finish my mom job for the day.
Dinner, homework, chores, and bedtime. ( not in that order)
I sit here now, in my old ratty blue nightgown with grey leggings, red and green striped fuzzy Christmas socks, my new warm slippers, Jeff's green thermal shirt, shivering, cause I am just so cold, sinus pressure making me cranky, waiting for Nathan to finish his rough draft of his Speech that is due tomorrow so I can help him type it up, I am thinking I just need to sit on the couch and relax with Sammy's DS.
But as a mothers job is never done, I have to think of something for dinner that takes minimal effort, but yet edible to all.....
Sounds like a great night for cereal...but what will I eat. I hate cold cereal.
A head cold with an unbelievably long life.
why you ask is it it lasting so long?
Because I have no washing machine.
I can not clean the linen's fast enough.
My very huge, free washing machine I got from my brother-in-law last year when we moved into this house , from which he got it free off Craig's list, ended it's life.
(it was probably miserable with the constant use)
but hey, it was free and huge...I do have 8 people wearing clothes in my house.
It was not perfect, it had a slight malfunction.
It would run a load and throw a code. EVERY TIME!!!!!
F1 right before the spin cycle.
All you had to do is hit stop and start and it would work just fine.
Well, that lasted for about a year.
As the year went on, the how many times you had to push the stop then start button (which were only 4 times at first) moved on to be 9 times before it died.
The washing machine decided it was too much.
It could not take the pressure.
It was last Tuesday, we turned it on to do a load and all the lights started to flash. (it was a very fancy washing machine)
When it stopped flashing, the light moved, and it never stayed in one spot. The washing machine would stop and start in a matter of seconds and constantly beep.
SO when I tried to unplug it and plug it back in....(i thought it would reboot it), the plug sparked at me.
Like it was cursing at me. ("don't even try with you wench!!!!")
I feel much like that washing machine.
Over worked, tired, kind of not completely right in the computer. (brain)
I throw a code once in a while and I need a stop (get control of my senses) start (start over and try again)
I feel like someday I will completely go crazy.
And maybe start cursing and someone else.
So what do I do now.
As for our family and the washing machine....
We do not have the extra money to just go buy a new one, nor do we have credit cards to use.
But, my parents have an extra one they are hoping to fix because that one is broken to. (waiting for parts)
Please, don't get me wrong, I am grateful for their generousness, but I am tired of broken washing machines.
I want a fresh, brand spanking new, red one. With a dryer to match.
One day, some day.
As for me, I am not sure what I am going to do.
I feel like I am just going through the motions of the day, of my life.
Wake up, clean, feed people, clean, get ready, go spend money on things and meals for the people I have to feed, put it away, feed people, clean, and a whole mess of more things I do for other people.
(You know, no one asked my how my Christmas was)
So how do I fix this problem?
I have no idea.
It is not like my mom has a spare broken me in her backyard, that just needs a few parts and it should, maybe, be good to go.
Until I can get a new one.
There is no getting a new me.
There is only one me.
Someday, I like me.
Someday, I wallow in all the mistakes I have made.
Some days, I am too busy to do much of anything for me.
I know I need improvement, but don't we all.
I made a list of goals to fulfil this month in my last post and I already failed.
I didn't blog on my family blog.
I didn't make the list to be seen by all on the side of my blog, like a constant reminder.
And No I did not call the doctor.
Yesterday, I had to go to my sisters and do laundry.
Because I have no washer.
I had to wait until the boys got home from school so I could have Matt watch the sick ones. (Jeff needed his uniform washed, so I HAD to go, I had to do it)
I didn't get my dishes washed, I didn't get to clean anything except my room.
(I HAD to find something of Sammy's that I lost)
And if I wasn't do that I was holding 2 sick babies. My 2 little babies that have totally gross green/yellow slime constantly coming from their noses. they are miserable so I had to comfort.
Just doing my job.
But while doing a gross job as that (sometimes it is gross when the sick ones want to give you gross snotty kisses) it only means one thing.
You end up getting sick too.
Yes, on my way home from my sisters house washing 5 loads and drying 3 ( I have a working dryer) I started to feel the ache.
The "oh crap, I know what is coming and I don't have time for this" feeling.
By the time Jeff got home at 11pm, I was done.
The little sick ones were still up watching Nick Jr., I was glued to Sammy DS, that I conveniently confiscated at bedtime, playing his DS so I didn't lose my achy sick mind.
A semi descent night of rest and I do not feel better. I need just one more nap.
No I will not get it.
I have to finish my mom job for the day.
Dinner, homework, chores, and bedtime. ( not in that order)
I sit here now, in my old ratty blue nightgown with grey leggings, red and green striped fuzzy Christmas socks, my new warm slippers, Jeff's green thermal shirt, shivering, cause I am just so cold, sinus pressure making me cranky, waiting for Nathan to finish his rough draft of his Speech that is due tomorrow so I can help him type it up, I am thinking I just need to sit on the couch and relax with Sammy's DS.
But as a mothers job is never done, I have to think of something for dinner that takes minimal effort, but yet edible to all.....
Sounds like a great night for cereal...but what will I eat. I hate cold cereal.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Inspiration
I have been inspired.
I read 2 blogs today.
One I only read when she gets around to it (Ashley L)...
and one I try to read every day (Kasi)
Both awesome girls and I am glad to call them friend.
Ashley posted recently about her goals for this year, and It got me to thinking.
I need to do the same.
My list has to be small.
I don't always fulfill the long term, probably because of my memory issues and I forget. (seriously, I am not sure you guys fully understand my Forgetfulness is a huge issue and has been the cause of serious events and situations in my life. I have lost friends because of it)
So I am inspired.
I am gonna post a list of goals for January. and I will post it on the side of my blog. I will put a star buy it if I remember to get it done.
10 Goals for January
Yay.
I feel better already. Thanks Ashley
Now about my other friend Kasi.
I have never met her in person. We met on a Scrapbook network with other ladies swapping scrapbook items for pages. She is Fabulous!!!!
She is so talented and brilliant.
I doubt she has any idea of the inspiration she brings to me every time I read her blog.
When I grow up, I wanna be like Kasi Good.
She is a wonderful mother and wife.
She is an awesome writer.
I wish I could write as well she she does on her blog.
Someday I hope she writes a book.
Go check out her blog and see the talent she has not just for scrapbooking( not sure if she has much of the scrapbooking posted), but for making furniture. (I want that book self Kasi!!!!)
I read blogs all the time (I mean, when I get computer time). Some inspire me and she are just fun to read.
I will try very hard to get back into the swing of things.
Blog, call my friend that i miss like you wouldn't believe, walk, clean and love my hubby and kids.
Sounds easy right? Loving my hubby kids is the easiest part.
I read 2 blogs today.
One I only read when she gets around to it (Ashley L)...
and one I try to read every day (Kasi)
Both awesome girls and I am glad to call them friend.
Ashley posted recently about her goals for this year, and It got me to thinking.
I need to do the same.
My list has to be small.
I don't always fulfill the long term, probably because of my memory issues and I forget. (seriously, I am not sure you guys fully understand my Forgetfulness is a huge issue and has been the cause of serious events and situations in my life. I have lost friends because of it)
So I am inspired.
I am gonna post a list of goals for January. and I will post it on the side of my blog. I will put a star buy it if I remember to get it done.
10 Goals for January
- Call the eye doctor and have this "floater" in my left eye checked out.
- Call the doctor to have my thyroid checked. (could be why I am so forgetful)
- Walk around the block 3 times (1 mile) 5 days a week
- Organize all the closets in this house.
- Call a friend every other day and talk on the phone. (I developed a phobia of the talking on the phone)
- Read scriptures with my boys 5 nights a week.
- Attempt and plan a Family Home Evening once a week. With a song.
- Memorize an Article of Faith with my kids
- Take more pictures, develop them and hang them on the wall in the hallway.
- Blog everyday. Especially the family blog with pictures and facts about each kid.
Yay.
I feel better already. Thanks Ashley
Now about my other friend Kasi.
I have never met her in person. We met on a Scrapbook network with other ladies swapping scrapbook items for pages. She is Fabulous!!!!
She is so talented and brilliant.
I doubt she has any idea of the inspiration she brings to me every time I read her blog.
When I grow up, I wanna be like Kasi Good.
She is a wonderful mother and wife.
She is an awesome writer.
I wish I could write as well she she does on her blog.
Someday I hope she writes a book.
Go check out her blog and see the talent she has not just for scrapbooking( not sure if she has much of the scrapbooking posted), but for making furniture. (I want that book self Kasi!!!!)
I read blogs all the time (I mean, when I get computer time). Some inspire me and she are just fun to read.
I will try very hard to get back into the swing of things.
Blog, call my friend that i miss like you wouldn't believe, walk, clean and love my hubby and kids.
Sounds easy right? Loving my hubby kids is the easiest part.
blank
So as I sit here at the computer, looking at my blog, knowing I have something really profound and worth while to share ...I can't....my head s starting to hurt just from trying to remember what i wanted to share....nope... nothin'... my mind is a complete ....
BLANK!
No joke.
I may need to call a doctor.
I need more sleep.
I have been a scatter brain since I was born but this is getting ridiculous.
I know it is the lack of sleep.
I have been here before.
Caleb was 3 and Sammy was almost 18 months and I didn't sleep much.
We had a hard time keeping them in bed all night.
But we got a slight break when before Emma was born.
I remember getting the boys off to school and then hiding under the covers with Sammy while he watched TV. I would snooze in and out.
It was my nap.
Oh the days!!!!
We lived in Susanville, and I didn't have much to do.
I was depressed and home sick, and hadn't figured out how to keep me 3 bedroom house clean. (I had a tiny 3 bedroom apartment before and the house was way harder to take care of.)
I just don't see a light at the end of this tunnel.
I am sooooo tired I forget almost everything important.
I have a notepad to write everything down.
I forget to write it down on the notepad.
and when I do remember, the notepad gets lost and/or destroyed or I forgot to check my notepad or where i put it.
vicious cycle.
I got distracted.
Once again ,by life and my new weakness.
My boys DS's and a game called Touch Master 1 and 2.
If I have to sit on the couch and watch TV with Mikey, because he wants cuddle time, I can endure 30 minutes of the mind numbing repetition of cute little cartoon characters singing and being so happy, then I want to run from the room screaming.
I grab the DS and play. Everyone is happy.
It helps me relax at night and I usually fall asleep while playing it.
I guess I will try again tomorrow from something new and fabulous to say.
Maybe even inspiring.
Just a thought... I love spell check. I am grateful for the person who invented spell check. I am not a bad speller, mostly just punctuation. (I even had to use it on that very last word)
BLANK!
No joke.
I may need to call a doctor.
I need more sleep.
I have been a scatter brain since I was born but this is getting ridiculous.
I know it is the lack of sleep.
I have been here before.
Caleb was 3 and Sammy was almost 18 months and I didn't sleep much.
We had a hard time keeping them in bed all night.
But we got a slight break when before Emma was born.
I remember getting the boys off to school and then hiding under the covers with Sammy while he watched TV. I would snooze in and out.
It was my nap.
Oh the days!!!!
We lived in Susanville, and I didn't have much to do.
I was depressed and home sick, and hadn't figured out how to keep me 3 bedroom house clean. (I had a tiny 3 bedroom apartment before and the house was way harder to take care of.)
I just don't see a light at the end of this tunnel.
I am sooooo tired I forget almost everything important.
I have a notepad to write everything down.
I forget to write it down on the notepad.
and when I do remember, the notepad gets lost and/or destroyed or I forgot to check my notepad or where i put it.
vicious cycle.
I got distracted.
Once again ,by life and my new weakness.
My boys DS's and a game called Touch Master 1 and 2.
If I have to sit on the couch and watch TV with Mikey, because he wants cuddle time, I can endure 30 minutes of the mind numbing repetition of cute little cartoon characters singing and being so happy, then I want to run from the room screaming.
I grab the DS and play. Everyone is happy.
It helps me relax at night and I usually fall asleep while playing it.
I guess I will try again tomorrow from something new and fabulous to say.
Maybe even inspiring.
Just a thought... I love spell check. I am grateful for the person who invented spell check. I am not a bad speller, mostly just punctuation. (I even had to use it on that very last word)
Friday, January 7, 2011
Winter Blues
I am there.
That place I don't like to be.
I am not unhappy, but I am not excited to get out of bed every day.
I am not a morning person so that doesn't really say much.
I feel the depression creepy back.
Like this dark grey cloud looming over my head.
I constantly have to to tell it to go away.
I can try and blame the winter's gloomy days, but I can't.
I love the gloomy days, the over cast, grey days.
It makes me smile.
I love snuggling on the couch and watching a movie, or playing games with family.
Seriously, I could live in Forks, Washington and be totally happy.
I do hate what January brings.
Every 5 seconds on the TV you see a commercial or infomercial about weight loss and exercise.
It makes me depressed.
Worse than I already am!!!!!!!
I know I am fat!!!!
I have a mirror!!!!
I also have 6 kids and barely get a straight 3 hour "nap" at night.
I do have A LOT to do.
I know.
It still isn't a good enough excuse.
There is a lot I want to do with my family this year, but I don't see myself enjoying it as much, if I am this heavy.
I am done having babies and my baby should be sleeping through the night.
(he doesn't)
I know I need to get out there and just do something.
Anything.
The other night I danced for a good 15 minutes while I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen.
I know, I would have done it longer, but I ran out of dishes and kitchen to clean.
I wasn't even out of breath, which made me feel really good.
Eating healthy is also in issue.
I have no problem eating healthy, but fresh veggies and fruits are expensive.
I am still on a 3 furloughed, one income, family 0f 8, mostly boys, grocery budget.
I am choosing not to buy, really bad stuff, and I don't eat the half way bad stuff either.
My flaw is I bake for the boys, but eat half of it.
So I guess, I have decided to get on the stupid, weight loss band wagon.
Is it weird I wanna be able to run a marathon before I am 40?
that is my goal.
Now, stop laughing and and start praying.
I am gonna need all the help I can get.
there is no need to get all mushy and leave positive comments.
I hate those.
(man, I sound negative)
I think they are cheesy and ...I don't know... it just bugs me.
I have this feeling I will fail. And the guilt I will have from reading your comments with make it worse.
Wait until after I have lost the 1st 20lbs, then you can get mushy all over the place.
If anyone is out there and has a plan or and idea of what I could do, that is free, and something I can do in my house, that would be awesome...basically, I need a personal trainer to tell me what to do for free...just email me.
That place I don't like to be.
I am not unhappy, but I am not excited to get out of bed every day.
I am not a morning person so that doesn't really say much.
I feel the depression creepy back.
Like this dark grey cloud looming over my head.
I constantly have to to tell it to go away.
I can try and blame the winter's gloomy days, but I can't.
I love the gloomy days, the over cast, grey days.
It makes me smile.
I love snuggling on the couch and watching a movie, or playing games with family.
Seriously, I could live in Forks, Washington and be totally happy.
I do hate what January brings.
Every 5 seconds on the TV you see a commercial or infomercial about weight loss and exercise.
It makes me depressed.
Worse than I already am!!!!!!!
I know I am fat!!!!
I have a mirror!!!!
I also have 6 kids and barely get a straight 3 hour "nap" at night.
I do have A LOT to do.
I know.
It still isn't a good enough excuse.
There is a lot I want to do with my family this year, but I don't see myself enjoying it as much, if I am this heavy.
I am done having babies and my baby should be sleeping through the night.
(he doesn't)
I know I need to get out there and just do something.
Anything.
The other night I danced for a good 15 minutes while I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen.
I know, I would have done it longer, but I ran out of dishes and kitchen to clean.
I wasn't even out of breath, which made me feel really good.
Eating healthy is also in issue.
I have no problem eating healthy, but fresh veggies and fruits are expensive.
I am still on a 3 furloughed, one income, family 0f 8, mostly boys, grocery budget.
I am choosing not to buy, really bad stuff, and I don't eat the half way bad stuff either.
My flaw is I bake for the boys, but eat half of it.
So I guess, I have decided to get on the stupid, weight loss band wagon.
Is it weird I wanna be able to run a marathon before I am 40?
that is my goal.
Now, stop laughing and and start praying.
I am gonna need all the help I can get.
there is no need to get all mushy and leave positive comments.
I hate those.
(man, I sound negative)
I think they are cheesy and ...I don't know... it just bugs me.
I have this feeling I will fail. And the guilt I will have from reading your comments with make it worse.
Wait until after I have lost the 1st 20lbs, then you can get mushy all over the place.
If anyone is out there and has a plan or and idea of what I could do, that is free, and something I can do in my house, that would be awesome...basically, I need a personal trainer to tell me what to do for free...just email me.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Christmas 2010
It was good.
It was crazy busy.
It was exhausting.
It was totally worth it.
I miss that Christmas magic feeling.
This year we waited until after New Years Day to take down all the Christmas stuff.
Jeff asked me to keep it up a little while longer. (I was shocked too)
I will post about our Christmas morning on our private family blog.
But it was fabulous.
I got a new camera so hopefully, i will post more pictures.
I have no new recipes to share, or else I would.
I seriously was excited to post on my blog.
I had to come out to my Aunt Kathie's house to use her way faster computer to changed the ringback tones on my phone, change my blog stuff from Christmas to just plain winter stuff.
But now I have lost all momentum.
(plus I hate her keyboard, too high and ...I guess it is just not mine.)
I guess I will go back home and be a mom.
I left the kids home so I can do this with out being interrupted every 5 I seconds.
Jeff went back to work today.
So weird he has been off on workmans comp for almost 4 weeks. and 2 before that.
He is almost himself again. it was a nice vacation and with thoughts of saving up for a house looking like a possibility, he will be working as much overtime as he possibly can.
We will miss him.
I will post my real thoughts later today, from my very slow 4 year old computer.
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